this damned school play pt. 1

                                    

                                          
your pov / sunday 7:12pm 
                          
secrets; they're something everyone has. whether its huge or barely big enough to make an impact. 
                          
my biggest secret? when it comes to what I consider my biggest secret, i'm torn, honestly. 
                          
on one hand, there's this guy and our friendship. everyone who knows us perceives differently- just how we want it. no one would ever in a million years suspect how close we really are behind closed doors, or in our case, how close we are at our spot. 
                          
he and I agreed to keep our sort of odd relationship to ourselves. we like it this way, only vulnerable to each other when alone and no one able to give their two cents. it never feels weird when he laces his fingers with mine absentmindedly, or lyes his head on my lap while I read. I guess it's just easy for us to not put a label on whatever we are.
                          
on the other hand, there's just that. how deeply I feel for him, what I feel for him. sure, we're affectionate in certain ways when at our spot, but i'd never confidently be able to confess how deep my feelings go for him. like how my heart starts to race when he runs his fingers through my hair and openly expresses how much he likes to do so. or when he is humming the melody of a song he's working on and I can't stop the soft smile forming on my lips.
                          
how am I to take a leap of faith that could possibly destroy us if he doesn't reciprocate my feelings? 
                          
from my peripheral vision I watched as Johnny shuffled around on the blanket underneath of us. he got comfortable on his right side, though now he was staring at me intently. 
                          
"what?" I ask with curiosity in my voice, finally looking up from my journal to meet his eyes. 
                          
his eyes study me for a second more before darting to look at the book I was just writing about him in. "what're you writing so intensely about in your diary?"
                          
instinctively I close the brown leather covered journal and scoff. "it's not a 'diary' John, it is a journal." I emphasize, latching the magnetic piece to the front and setting it aside along with the pencil I used. 
                          
raising and eyebrow at me, he leans forward the tiniest bit. "a journal becomes a diary when it has some form of latch or lock." the words that fell from his mouth made me roll my eyes because he was kind of. . . right? "it also becomes a diary when the owner of said 'journal' won't let anyone read it." John states matter-of-factly.
                          
"okay, so what if it is a diary?" I huff as a smirk makes it's way onto his lips. "i'm still not telling you what I was writing." 
                          
the smirk of knowing he was right faded away, being replaced with a pout. "why not? I am trustworthy!" now he was sitting up, hands in his lap and hair messy from rolling around so much. the sun was at the perfect angle; golden hour and shone right into his emerald eyes only making him all the more attractive. I kept my mouth shut, only upsetting him further but I knew he wasn't really mad. "fine, i'll just have to tickle it out of you." he says in the calmest voice I think he's ever used.
                          
when the words processed I shot up from the blanket in the grass and ran off. the sound of his laugh got louder as he caught up to me fairly quickly. 
                          
spoiler alert: John never got it out of me. 
                          
~ 
                          
monday / 8:03am
                          
I woke up a little late this morning, due to being up so late last night. until around one in the morning Johnny was actively sending me Tiktoks and funny videos he found on Instagram, which in all honesty did make me laugh. 
                          
so I rushed to take a shower, throw on a decent outfit and tame my hair with the small amount of time I had before Laur, Maddie and John would be here. since Maddie got this new job and her shifts were in the morning she's been driving the three of us to school so we wouldn't have to take the bus. I was only in the mix because our houses are a couple of doors away from each other.