7

                                    

                                          
"General Parkinson is out for the rest of the day. She left earlier claiming she had a stomach bug," a young Death Eater said not leaving the doorframe to the office. 
                          
"That's fine." I answered with a shrug. I had a feeling this would start to happen more often than she had anticipated. She was getting horrible morning sickness. 
                          
"Um, Miss Snape, it's because we are to do a raid later today. We have no General." He said his eyes never leaving his feet. 
                          
"Where is here second?" 
                          
"Out with no bones in his legs. He was hit with a pretty nasty curse. He still has a few hours left of regrowth." He mumbled.
                          
"So, there is no one to lead this raid?" I asked getting up from my desk. In the years that I had been working at this desk, this day had never come. I had never had to go into a raid ever. Theo and Draco went every other day, but me, I always stayed behind. I was the brains of operations not the doer of them. 
                          
"That's exactly what I am saying Miss Snape." The Death Eater said a small tremble to his hands. 
                          
"Okay, what was your name again?" 
                          
"Tony." 
                          
"Tony, I will suit up and meet the rest of you in the prep room. I shall be down in 10 minutes. Have everyone ready to go." I said. 
                          
"Yes," the Tony responded leaving quickly. 
                          
	I sighed and prepared myself mentally. I had only been on a few raids in the very beginning. They were always bloody and horrible. I had hated it but needed to prove myself. I had also been trained for this. I knew the day would come eventually when I would have to join the rest of the Death Eaters on the field.
                          
	After visiting Harry, my perspective has changed on a few things. It was nice sitting at my desk and not having to put in any of the dirty work. It was almost like I didn't have to really face the reality of anything. I just told the Death Eaters where to be and what to do and they did it. I didn't even have to lift a finger. I got to go home at the end of the day and enjoy some of the finer things in Draco and I's place. Not all of my Death Eaters came back in one piece. 
                          
	I made my way down to the changing rooms. My gear had been stored there for so long that I had half the mind to worry that it wouldn't fit anymore. My mask sat ready with my robes. I just had to put it on. I looked at the outfit for a moment steading myself. I hated everything this stood for. I had to do something, anything that will change the future that was being created with my inaction. 
                          
"Ivy?" Theo called from his own locker. He seemed confused. 
                          
"Yes?" 
                          
"What are you doing down here?" he questioned. 
                          
"Your wife went home sick. Her second is in the hospital wing and I don't want to even know how incompetent her third is." I answered. 
                          
"So, it's you then." He said simply. He was just as surprised as I was. I didn't know how my best friend did this. She got dressed every morning in these clothes and went to battle. She didn't ever talk about it. She's never complained. She just did what we told her to do. I hated that I was the reason my friend had to live this every day. I should have stopped it. I should have put a little more thought into what all my friends were up to. 
                          
"Yeah, Crabbe really did that that curse harshly and Goyle isn't that bad." Theo joked. See, I didn't even know that Pansy's second and third were Crabbe and Goyle. Well, I did since I was the ones that dispatched them to missions but again, I never paid much attention. 
                          
"Are you going out?" I asked. 
                          
"Yeah...you're the one that dispatched me this morning," he said giving me another look. "Are you okay, Ivy?" he questioned.
                          
"Fine. Sorry, I'm a bit distracted this morning." I answered. This was a shake to my schedule, and it was throwing me off. I hadn't even realized I dispatched Theo this morning. I hated myself. This was becoming such mind-numbing work that I forgot to watch out for my friends. I had forgotten that I was sending them out to risk their lives every day to do stupid shit for a person we hated more than anything. 
                          
"You don't have to go you know. Send any of the other Generals or top-ranking Death Eaters. I'm sure they'd be eager to go. Hell, Goyle can do this one on his own with the team." Theo said noticing my behaviour. 
                          
"I don't even know what we are going to do. I didn't even think when I assigned it. I just do it all day. I just lay out the strategies. I stopped looking at the names on the lists whether it be the victims or us. I just stopped looking and paying attention." I told him honestly. 
                          
"We all stopped reading too much into things. It's what keeps us going. If you thought too much on every place we raided or every person we interrogated, you would do your head in. I stopped recognizing people from school on purpose. If I do, then I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. I don't even let myself process their age their gender, if I even know them. I don't listen when they call to me begging, trying to get me to remember I know them. It's part of what keeps us all going, Ivy. So, don't think too badly about it. Like I said, send someone else if you can't do it." 
                          
	Theo's words stroked a cord in me that almost had me shattered into a million pieces. Theo couldn't get out of this; he did this every day. Draco couldn't get out of it. None of them could get out of this but I had. I haven't done anything but sit my put at my desk and drink a tea while magically pouring over maps and sending units to where they needed to go. I can't just opt out, not anymore. I can't live with myself any longer. I was the only person that was not an active member in our own resistance. The time has come for me to do more than just watch. 
                          
"I'm going." I answered and quickly changed out of my pencil skirt and blazer into Death Eaters robes. I was going and I was doing what I had to do. 
                          
"Alright, I'll probably see you later. Your unit is meeting mine for a big raid," he answered with a shrug.
                          
"I'll see you then." I nodded.
                          
"If things go okay than Draco won't have to join. Did you tell him you were going out today by the way?" he asked. I hadn't told Draco. I had been so caught up in my own thoughts that I forgot to send word. We had promised each other that we would every time we go out just so we were aware. I quickly had a letter written and sent up to Draco, thanking Theo for reminding me. 
                          
"Good luck and don't think too much," Theo nodded heading for his unit. "You too." I answered taking a deep breath before locating the group of people that I needed to brief with.