Chapter 53

                                    

                                          
"I don't really remember much, and what I can remember might seem crazy. I recall seeing... Nothing. The whole place was just so dark and filled with whispers of some kind of scattered chant."
"I looked down to see where I was but it just felt like I was floating, I couldn't even see myself. I couldn't breathe but yet I was still alive and my throat felt like I was continuously chugging down buckets of...fire?"
"There was this voice, this weird creepy voice that kept shouting something. I can't remember what but I remember that it said something about me being trapped... that there was no way out."
"My whole body felt so... hot. And I looked down and that's where I saw them... the chains had just come out of nowhere and strangled my ankles, wrist and neck......" Cole paused and turned to see the look on Emma's face; he couldn't quite decipher it, and decided to continue. 
"I couldn't think of anything but the pain, my brain seemed to have had a black out, then all of sudden, words... The words Andrew had spoken when we went to get the Candy Floss, flashed through my head. I can't remember exactly what he said, but I know he said something about a voice, a voice that seemed clouded in the mist of my fears...." 
He took in a shaky breath, leaned his head back against the bedhead, and clutched his hands together tightly, trying desperately to control his feelings that were threatening to pour out. 
"Then I heard it. It had said; 'Anyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.' And..... I did. I called...I believed. And I was saved." He chuckled bitterly and closed his eyes tighter as the tears he had held back sprouted into view. He finally turned to look at Emma, who had become deadly silent. 
"That's the truth. I was saved by a God that I mocked, ridiculed and so desperately despised, just because I said I believe. What if I didn't? What if I hadn't believed? I'd probably be in hell wont I?" Cole said, letting out another bitter chuckle and laying his head back on the bedhead to face away from Emma once he didn't get a response. 
They just sat there, moments of silence passed by before the silence was finally shattered. "No." 
Cole's eyebrows furrowed at the response. "What do you mean by 'No' " Cole said, still not sparing her a look but seeing in the corner of her eye as Emma stared at him.
"Even if you didn't say you believe, you may not have gone to hell. Cole, that's not how grace works." Cole finally turned to look at her, his grey eyes now shaded black. 
"What do you mean by 'That's not how grace works?' Emma, do you know who I am? Do you know what I've done in this life?" His lip quivered as he fought back the urge to just scream. His whole body inwardly shook and it was taking him all his might to keep that vibration from showing out. 
Emma didn't say a word. She just looked back at him, her expression unreadable, waiting for him to keep going. 
He shook his head and tried to keep his voice from booming through the whole house, only succeeding to lower it to a louder than medium tone.
"Emma, I've killed, not some useless kill-them-with-your-words, kind of killing! I've killed! Three people Emma! Not some random guys that messed with me! My own family! My dad wasn't an alcoholic, he didn't do drugs, didn't gamble. He was the perfect description of a family man. But he had anger issues..." Cole paused and chuckled bitterly, seeing the scene play in his head again.
"My mum, my beautiful, beautiful, mum. She was perfect, the only flaw she had was that she loved him. She loved him with all she had. He would come home mad at someone at work and he would lash out, not the normal 'breaking anything I see' lashing out, he didn't care about things. Very little items in our house were broken; most things were intact, except my mum."