say the words

                                    

                                          
i'm still struck from the events of yesterday. i cross my arms, trying reconcile my thoughts together into something that made sense. i kick the pebbles off my path.
i realize i'm going to see him today, and for that my heart is happy. but at the same time, it feels so wrong. who was i to spill my entire heart out to him? did i just burden another person with my own wrongdoings? what business did he even have to know about my darkest thoughts? what if i ruin him too? my brain becomes more frazzled with every ticking minute of the clock, yet i am eager to start the day. 
i know i shouldn't feel this way, but—!
"so-young!" i feel a hand on my shoulder. i snap out of my haze. 
"are you alright? your face looks puffy." my brother hovers his hand over my cheek. i grab it and place it at his side. 
"i'm okay. just feel bloated," i grin, trying to lighten up the mood, "and dont point out a girl's imperfections. it makes us insecure." i give a small grin. he does the same. 
it felt refreshing seeing him not so stone-faced all the time. 
"i have to go but," he paused and looked down. "i'll see you after school. i didn't walk with you yesterday so i'll make sure to bring you home today." i smile, nodding. he seems hesitant to leave, but does so quietly. i watch as he disappears into the building. 
i look around, trying to be cautious of my surroundings this time. i speed up my pace toward the doors, a feeling of relief wash over me. i escaped without being seen!
proud of my accomplishment, i travel safely to my locker, fiddling with the lock so i could open it. i turn the lock and swing open the door. i begin stuffing my things inside. 
"hey, you."
the voice scares me, a little yelp escaping my lips. that voice. it was him. 
i grip my books to my chest and close the door gently. yi-jeong is leaned against the locker next to me. i lose all words. 
i look on the other side of me, his friends watching us with a slight hint of shock on all their faces. jun-pyo had a little anger in his.
"remember me?" his smile was bright, comforting. i felt like i could stare at his face forever.
but i had to leave. i had nothing to say to him.
i pushed past him, his hard shoulder almost knocking me back to my locker. it hurt my heart to do so, but i kept on marching.
"so-young!" he called out my name, the heads of students turning quickly toward the sound. i quicken my speed and enter my classroom.
when i take a seat, i hold my head in my hands. 
i feel a sudden chill run up my spine. even walking away from him felt like a dangerous game. 
was i wrong to have done what i did? even if it was the right thing to do?
the bell rings, and i sigh.


i'm once again looking around, trying to spot my brother in the bustling crowd of students. i look around and finally zero in on the tall kid with black hair. i make my way over to him. 
"sa-do!" i say, smiling. he turns around and gives a small smile before looking around. 
"what's wrong?" i ask. 
"nothing, it's just," he grabs my shoulders, turning my in the opposite direction. "people are looking at you." i feel my heart clench. they must have seen the incident this morning. but it wasn't even that big of a deal!
"let's just go home," i mutter, grabbing his sleeve. i quicken our pace as we walk out of view from the school. 
"what was that about?" he stopped in his track, almost making me trip. i turn around.