Chapter Thirty

                                    

                                          
Although I liked to think that I knew my own mind, I couldn't help but think back to what Callie had said to me. Liking Courtney? It seemed impossible. I had liked Emmy up until this point and that wasn't going to switch off over night just because some leather jacket wearing, silver haired, rebellious-spirited girl walked into my life and never seemed to leave my mind after doing so. Oh. So, maybe there was a slight problem but it didn't matter. Courtney would never feel the way for me that I wanted to feel for someone else. I say someone else because I didn't like her, obviously. I wanted the two of us to be friends but that was the full extent of it all. I wanted to do kind things for Courtney, like buying her cookies and making notes for her classes and this wasn't because I liked her. It was because I wanted to be her friend, obviously. 
                          
In that moment, I couldn't  help but come to terms with the fact that I was struggling with this internal mental conflict. I supposed that I had liked Emmy for so long that the mere thought of liking anyone else now seemed strange and as though it couldn't happen. Of course, I knew that if I wanted to stop feeling so heartbroken all the time then something was going to have to be done. My main need in life had always been to be accepted. I could take a guess that once I met Courtney and she had seemed so reluctant to get to know me, it had triggered something in me. That had been the day that this need to impress her had started and I had a feeling that wasn't going to go away any time soon. 
                          
I exhaled in frustration and began to walk towards my art class, where I found Emmy busily working away on the drawing of a tree that she had started work on, a few lessons ago. 
                          
"Hey Ems," I greeted her. 
                          
Emmy looked towards me and smiled. 
                          
"Hey Phoebe! How have you been?" she asked me. 
                          
"I've been good," I said. 
                          
Emmy's eyebrows creased slightly together after I said that. 
                          
"Are you sure? It's just you look as though there is something on your mind," she told me. 
                          
Of course, I wasn't surprised that I looked deep in thought. I knew that I was. All of this had started right after I had begun to think about Courtney more often. 
                          
"I'm all good. Do you want to go and get some food soon? I'll pay," I said. 
                          
"Sure! I'm going to be meeting up with Lois after school today and wondered whether you wanted to come along too," she told me. 
                          
I knew that Emmy wanted me to go along with her. It was clear to me how important Lois was becoming to her and I couldn't turn my friend away now. 
                          
"Alright then, sure," I said in agreement. 
                          
Emmy beamed back at me. 
                          
Miss Mack soon arrived so she could begin to go over the tasks for the lesson and Emmy and I got started on our work. 
                          
I made some good progress but I knew that I still needed to research people that I could be inspired by. As much as I loved my mother, brother and sister, I knew that using their faces alone for my art wasn't going to cut it. I needed to think of other options. I continued to draw and paint in my sketchbook, while a gentle breeze drifted in through the window. 
                          
About an hour later, it was time for the lesson to end. 
                          
Emmy and I left the classroom together and were soon joined by Courtney. 
                          
"Hey, I got us some extra materials just in case we needed to use them for anything," Courtney said. 
                          
"So reliable. Thank you, Allen," Emmy told her. 
                          
Courtney grinned back at her. 
                          
"So, girl who wants to date my ex for whatever reason, shall we get going to the cafe?" Courtney asked. 
                          
Emmy nodded in agreement and the three of  us made our way out of the school, so we could all begin to talk towards the car. Emmy drove us all to the nearby cafe and swiftly went to make her order. Of course, she wasn't only here to make an order. I knew that she mostly wanted to talk to Lois. 
                          
Courtney turned to me with an expression of interest on her face, but then her eyes narrowed. All of a sudden, it seemed as though she was irritated with me and I didn't really understand why. At first, I had thought that it was because we were near her ex-girlfriend. When Courtney spoke again, I quickly realised that wasn't the case. 
                          
"Are you kidding me?" she asked me. 
                          
"What?" I asked her. 
                          
"You need to move on," she said. 
                          
"I-" 
                          
"She's happy," Courtney told me, as she walked  over to sit with them. 
                          
It appeared that Lois had finished her shift, so she could now hang out with all of us. 
                          
I gave her a friendly smile. 
                          
"Hey Lois," I said. 
                          
Courtney looked between the two of us with an expression of curiosity, as though she was wondering whether my friendliness was all an act or sincere. 
                          
"Hi Phoebe," Lois greeted me in return, as a kind smile appeared upon her face. 
                          
Lois looked between Courtney and I then with a look of interest upon her own face. 
                          
I wished I knew what people were thinking about. Maybe Lois could sense the weird vibes between Courtney and I. I had tried to be friendly to her and then she seemed as though she had got mad with me again. It was always difficult to know what to do after Courtney acted like that. She could be a little cranky at times, I supposed. 
                          
"How are you doing?" Lois asked me. 
                          
"Everyone is just peachy keen. I'm going home," Courtney said, as she stood up from the table with some unpredictability. It had to be acknowledged that it was hard to become friends with someone who could become so ice cold and distant seemingly within seconds. 
                          
The three of us stared after her in awe. 
                          
"How's everyone's lattes?" Emmy asked, in an attempt to change the subject. 
                          
Lois and I simply murmured that they were delicious but I knew our minds were still on Courtney. 
                          
All of a sudden, I felt sort of annoyed that she had walked out on us like that. 
                          
Before I even truly knew what I was going to do, I stood up from the table and said goodbye to them, so that I could go and find Courtney.