25

                                    

                                          
ROSE
My hands were trembling, lips parted ever so slightly, whilst tears streamed down my cheeks. And all of that was before I even began to read the contents of the letter he'd sent me. My mind was preoccupied with various thoughts and questions, yet I had no answers. No one but Tobias was able to provide me with the answers I desired.
I shook off my head. It was a miracle I was patient, and trying to calm myself down, and stop the crying and shaking instead of reading what he'd written for me, to me. Somehow, I managed to put myself first, although the curiosity was slowly getting to me.
''Rose,
To be honest, I'm unsure why I'm even writing this. Perhaps, it is the guilt I am feeling, or perhaps, it's because there are many things I cannot let go of. The day that you left, and the days that followed seemed to be never-ending.
You got caught in a spiders web unknowingly, and all of my issues affected you. For that, I truly apologize. I know, I can be quite hard to handle at times, and my reaction to your pain and suffering was uncalled for. I deeply regret sending you off like that, without properly apologizing.''
''This motherfucker.'' I managed to laugh through the anger that was slowly rising inside of me. No shit, Sherlock. He should've been more... gentle. That was all I wanted. Despite it being sixty percent my fault, he could've gone easier on me, yet he didn't. And now, he wants to apologize? What a joke.
''I loved the attention you were giving me all the time. Like the tempting Goddess you are, it was hard, almost impossible to resist you. I almost forgot about the difference between us. It's not the age-gap that's the issue, it's the mentality as well. You went through hardships in your life, but you have not lived enough yet. You have not seen all the beauty this world had to offer, all the good and the bad experiences you are supposed to have at your age.
I was completely blinded by the idea of you, to the point it turned into an obsession. And you got dragged into this whole mess with Lilly. On too many occasions, I should've intervened, yet I didn't. I was weak, and a coward. It was not your burden to carry, nor ours to share.
All I want for you is to find happiness, no matter where it is. It would be selfish of me to even ask for forgiveness, or to hope that the happiness could be with me, some day. You'll grow, you'll learn, and you'll become the best version of yourself. Be proud of who you've become, and take all of the bad things and value the lessons.
It was an honor knowing you, my Rose. I hope you blossom, enjoy your life, and get everything you wished for, and more.
Tobias.''
The tears were silent, but they were there. Somehow, the shaking of my body stopped, and all I could do was lay in bed, listen to the piano recording he sent alongside the letter. It was truly a beautiful melody, unknown, and I knew it was something he composed for my ears only.
By the time the piano had stopped playing, for the tenth time, the letter was soaked in tears. My heart felt torn all over again, and there was a decision I needed to make, one way or the other, sooner or later.
I could remain unmoving, in a state of slowly rotting to death, until heartache became too great. It would, inevitably, take away the little personality and dignity have left. It would result in becoming a living corpse, unaware of my surroundings, hugging the pain as if I was not a person of my own.
Or, I could lock it all up. Bottle it up, hope that someday, once I was ready, that Pandora box could be open without me having to worry about the outcome. It was my personal choices that drove me here, and my choices would be the ones directing my future.
It's been years since I was a child, and I needed to stop acting like one.
Instead, I picked up a pen and paper, and started writing down.
''My dear Tobias,
I would lie if I said that your words made me feel any better, because they didn't. I'm not self-centered enough to pin all the blame on you, as I did share most of it. However, I am my own person, I will not let anyone tear me down anymore.
I appreciate the thought, and the apologies, though they are worthless. I hope you can find redemption elsewhere, and I hope happiness finds you, one way or the other.
For now, I have things to do, and a company to run. Although it wasn't always sunny, I'll keep memories of you, even the tainted ones, close to my heart. But my heart is now permanently closed to you.
You were a man I thought would be mine. The delusions were high, and in the attempt to achieve my goals, I hurt you and myself. I won't ask for forgiveness, because there was always truth in my words, and I believe in the words I speak.
If we do run into each other some day, I hope we can smile, greet each other, and move on.
I spent some of the best and worst days with you, and both of those are valuable to me, precious, even. Thank you for teaching me that there's more to life than love, and that although it's not perfect, life can be great.''
Some parts were overly petty, though I didn't care. A part of me wanted to hurt him a little bit more, and then never look back.
In the morning, I sent him back the piano recording, along with the letter.
That chapter of the book was done. I could never go back, nor I wanted to read that book again. I thought of it as a prequel, where I was wounded. Now, the main book was slowly starting, and I was the main character, with many things to lose, and with new people around me.
Life was rough, but it was life. I had to learn how to deal with it, and the first step was leaving Tobias in that God forsaken place.