Chapter Twenty-Six- Consequences

                                    

                                          

TWs: Self Deprecating Thoughts, Verbal Abuse, and Mentions of Abuse
.................................................
Remus had never been so ashamed in his life! He had arrived barely in time for Madam Pomfrey to hustle him out to the tree. She had looked so disappointed in him that it seemed to physically slice him to pieces. He cried as she lectured him, not even asking what had happened until they reached the Shrieking Shack with very little time to spare.
"Whatever happened, Remus it better never happen again. I don't care what homework assignment was due or what game you were playing with your friends, you can't ever cut it that close again, young man. Am I understood?" she nagged relentlessly.
"I was asleep! It might be another werewolf thing," he cried out horrified. How was he supposed to be responsible if he couldn't seem to stay awake? "I took a sleeping potion last night to--"
"You did what?" Madam Pomfrey asked, surprised.
"I didn't steal one, honest. I asked Frank for one so I didn't have to come all the way here again after bothering you. He's a very nice prefect so when I woke him at one in the morning he wasn't even angry, he just gave me one. Not that I'll ever ask him again since that would be suspicious, only my head hurt so bad and I was so tired and--" Remus ranted still feeling impossibly panicked about the whole thing. He could have not woken until he transformed. Thinking about what would have happened if he had made his blood run cold. 
He didn't even notice the matron trying to get his attention. "Remus. Remus!" He stopped his panic rambling realizing she didn't look cross with him anymore, though he couldn't see why. Sleeping wasn't an excuse for putting the lives of everyone in the Gryffindor common room at risk, he shuddered and more tears streamed down his cheeks. "Remus, darling. I'm sorry I should have realized you'd never. Oh, dear..."
"Madam Pomfrey you have to leave now," he gasped out, his anxiety over her still being here reaching a painful point as he was forced to contemplate how close he had come to killing his friends. If it hadn't been for Lily...only why had she woken him?
But he wasn't about to ponder that now...he couldn't go there right now.
"We'll talk after, dear. I'm sorry I should have asked..."
He nodded, only half paying attention. She knew how he got with people being near him this close to transforming, even if he still had fifteen minutes to moonrise it felt like he only had three seconds. She gave him one last sad look, knowing he was no longer really listening to her and left him to his tears and fears.
He collapsed against the floorboards sobbing, his fingernails clawing at the wood as the sheer shame crashed against him like a wave.
Stupid human, stupid human feelings. My turn, shut up, it's my turn.
He could see their dead mangled bodies so clearly when he closed his eyes. How many times had he dreamt about ripping them to shreds and this time he had come terribly close to doing just that. Surely Dumbledore or Madam Pomfrey would have done something if he hadn't appeared in time...right? It looked like Madam Pomfrey had been about to go get him herself even if that would have raised a lot of questions. Better that though than becoming a murderer.
Shut up with your puny insignificance. STOP FIGHTING!
The angry growl reverberated against his skull and he felt something split deep inside him. He shuddered against the pain as his body began to change, tears still streaming down his cheeks. He didn't bother talking back to the angry voice that demanded blood, demanded that he silence his mind.