38

                                    

                                          
My hand was wet, as well as my face. I looked down at the dark pond water I had just splashed on my face. During my hallucination I had made it out of the depot and wandered to this small pond somewhere in the forest. The forest. The one I had just been in with Bellamy wasn't real, but the sound of him talking was. 
                          
"Please, kill me." I wiped my face with the sleeve of my jacket and turned around. Adrenaline pumping as I listen to his voice, the cold not affecting me as I began to walk towards him. 
                          
"Kill me!" He was having a hallucination as well. I picked up my speed as I heard him yell. Not only was it a beacon for me to find him but it was a beacon for anyone else in this woods, and I couldn't let anything hurt him. 
                          
"I deserve it, please." I felt my heart crack at his tone. It was sorrowful and pained and it sent a pang of sadness through me. The first one in a long time. 
                          
"I can't fight anymore!" He cried out. I was still tracking him by his voice as I ran through the dark forest. 
                          
"What an I supposed to do?" He asked. He was breathing heavy and I wasn't sure why. The thought scared me, did someone already get to him? Now that thought really scared me, why should I care. 
                          
"Persphyni, I can't fight. Not anymore. You were right." I was in his hallucination? I continued to run, not knowing exactly how far from the pond I was to him, so I kept going. I kept going because right now, Bellamy was more important then whatever the hell internal conflict I was going through. 
                          
"Do you think you deserve to be free of your pain? Do you deserve that gift?" That wasn't Bellamy's voice. "Cause you're gonna get it." I heard the click of a gun being loaded. I ran faster, jumping over a log as I sprinted towards them. I sprinted faster than I thought I could have. 
                          
"Nothing personal." I heard the pull of the trigger. Nothing, it was a dud. Thank God for faulty bullets. It gave me enough time to reach Bellamy, though the sight I saw made me want to do a multitude of things. 
                          
One laugh as he held his hand in a fake gun, two yell because he didn't actually have a gun, and three pull out my own and start talking to the guy standing over him. But Clarke beat me too it. 
                          
"Put it down, Dax." The guy standing over Bellamy turned around, Clarke and him both pointing guns at each other. 
                          
I took that as my opportunity to walk towards Bellamy, my gun in my right hand as I silent hid to reach him. 
                          
"Should have stayed down their Clarke, you and Persphyni would have been fine." Dax spoke.
                          
"Persphyni." Bellamy whispered as he continue to look at his hand then back towards Dax and Clarke. 
                          
"I tried not to kill you, but here you are. And Shumway said no witnesses. Looks like we'll only have one leader after tonight." That's the person Bellamy had said when I told him how I got the gun. 
                          
"What's he talking about?" Clarke asked, her eyes drifting towards me when I gave her a look to tell her to delay. 
                          
"Shumway set it up. He gave me the gun to shoot the chancellor." I was nearly to Bellamy now, my slight exhaustion made me take slower and more precise steps. 
                          
"Walk away now, and I won't kill you." I had made it Bellamy. Stepping away from the perimeter and towards him, lightly taping his shoulder and placing the gun to my lips before gesturing for him to move back. 
                          
"Put it down." 
                          
"Your choice." Clarke's gun flicked, her bullet was a dud. Shit. 
                          
"Clark, move!" I yelled as I ran at Dax. Knocking him to the ground after he shot at Clarke.  
                          
I had dropped the gun and went to grab it as Dax pushed me off him. The both of us going for our guns. 
                          
"No!" I felt Bellamy run passed me and tackle Dax back to the ground, punching him as I grabbed my gun. My gun was tiny in comparison to what Dax and Clarke had. 
                          
I had turned around to get my gun for a second and Bellamy was on his back as Dax began to pummel him. 
                          
"Dax!" I shouted bring my gun up and pointing it at him. He didn't even look as he and Bellamy fought over the gun. I watched as Dax smacked Bellamy in the face with the gun, dazing him. Dax took that opportunity and started to choke him. 
                          
"Get the hell off him!" I shot at Dax, grazing him in the arm. Making him loosen his hold on Bellamy. Clarke came around the tree and went to hit Dax over the head but she was too slow as he had hit her into the ground with the butt of his gun. 
                          
I went to shoot him again, hopefully being able to aim properly. When Bellamy grabbed something off the ground and stuck it into his neck. It was a bullet shell. The dud from Dax's gun. 
                          
We all froze, watching Dax fall dead on the forest floor. When he finally stopped breathing, I started again. I hissed as the adrenaline wore off and I felt my body aching and my left palm tingling. I looked down to see a perfect diagonal slice. The same one I made in my hallucination. 
                          
I leaned into the tree behind me and closed my eyes as I fought away the pain and aching in my body. The desire to know what the hell I did when under the influence of those damn nuts driving me insane. My chest hurt, in the same spot I had jumped in front of the whip in the first portion. The pain made me know a bruise would be forming. 
                          
I ran a hand up to my face and felt the blood that had dried slightly. It was my own. The shape of a moon around my right eye, and a straight line on my cheek that curved up slightly as it got close to the side of my head. 
                          
"You're ok." I heard Clarke whisper. I opened my eyes to see the both of them leaning against the tree Clarke had hidden behind. I slowly pushed off it and made my way over to them. Ignoring the aches of my legs and back and arms and head. Basically everything. Not only am I sure that the nuts tired me out, but I definitely ran into a tree at some point. 
                          
"No, I'm not." Bellamy held a hand out to me to help me sit next to him. Normally I would have scoffed and pushed it away, but I really needed it. I lowered myself onto the floor next to him. Placing my back against the tree and leaning my head against it. 
                          
"My mother.." his words got trapped in his throat as he fought tears, I laid my hand face up on my knee for him to take. "If she knew what I've done," I took his hand in mine and rubbed the back of it in comfort. I didn't look at Bellamy, I just stared off into the dark forest. "Who I am," 
                          
"She raised me to be better, to be good." 
                          
"Bellamy," Clarke started her words a breath as she struggled to regain it. 
                          
"And all I do is hurt people." I felt his eyes look over to me and I squeezed his hand. He sniffles, looking down at his feet. "I'm a monster."
                          
"Do you feel guilty?" I cut in, voice flowing through the air as I looked up to the sky. 
                          
"Yes, b-"
                          
"Then you are not a monster. You're someone who makes hard choices with his heart. That's why you need Clarke." I told him. Closing my eyes as a small breeze flowed through the forest. 
                          
"You saved my life today." Clarke started, "you may be a total ass half the time," I tapped his hand in agreement, "but, I need you. We all need you." I nodded at Clarke's words. They need each other, the head and the heart. 
                          
"None of us would have survived this place if it wasn't for you." Clarke said. "You want forgiveness fine, I'll give it to you. You're forgiven okay. But you can't run, Bellamy." 
                          
My hand slipped from his, I turned my gaze to my two co-leaders. 
                          
"What?"