Chapter 4

                                    

                                          
	Okay, so. Uh. Aaron has outstanding talent for acting and a deep singing that is currently melting my insides. Churning my stomach and abdomen so much, that I may just throw up. As he danced across the stage, he glowed. Not just from the bright lights filling the stage, but from the enthusiasm and joy flowing from him. His smile was radiant, his movements were fluid but exaggerated. His performance as Burt in Mary Poppins, was truly breathtaking.
	"Did you like it?" Aaron sauntered up to me, a bounce in his step, a bright smile plastered onto his face. 	Gently, my arm wraps around his shoulders in a friendly hug. The temperature in my face must've shot up by ten degrees just from this minimal contact. My arm slid off as Aaron turned to face me, awaiting my response.
	"Oh! Yes. When you said you were an actor and an artist, I didn't think you meant you were both at once," I complimented. Aaron rubbed the back of his neck, smiling.
	"Thank you. What a poetic compliment," he said, laughing. Aaron stood for a few moments more, an awkward silence engulfing the two of us. For a few moments, he was pulled away by other cast members for photos and short conversations. The warm buzz of the room was comforting on this chilly September night. 
    When Aaron returned to me, a question was written all over his face. He asked, "Would you like to go to a party with me this weekend? I'd like to meet more of the school."
	Aaron waited patiently as I sorted out the request in my head. Yes, I'd probably enjoy it. Yes, the last time I went to a party was in freshman year, pre-forced coming out.
	"Yeah. Why not?" My voice sounded as though I was also saying, 'to hell with it.' Aaron smiled.
	"Oh cool. I probably would've been fine on my own, but it'd be nice to have you there as some sort of guide," Aaron laughs. I nod along, my mind elsewhere, slightly desperate in figuring out how it was going to direct my body to survive a night full of my past mistakes.
	"No drinking," I muttered, unintentionally. Aaron shot me a confused glance, an inkling of concern in his eyes.
	"Oh! Sorry. I don't drink, but I'm not I'm not old enough to drive yet either," I laugh. Aaron doesn't seem like the type to drink at a party, but I don't know him well. He could be just like every other guy.... I shook at the thought. No way could this beautiful human be just like every other guy who shouts faggot in the hallways or shoots disgusted glances my way in class.
	"Yeah. No. I don't drink. I had a sip of beer when I was young. It was horrid," Aaron's face contorted with disgust, he body shivered at the thought. Then he added, "Well. The shows over now. Shall I take you home?" Aaron jokingly offered me his arm, his bag slung around the other shoulder. Playing along, I slid my arm into place in the inner bend of his elbow.
	"You shall."
	On Monday, Katie was excitedly waiting on the other side of my locker. She bounced on the balls of her feet, smiling giddily like an excited puppy. I closed the locker. She immediately began with the questions, 	"How was Aaron's show? Do you know if he likes you? He invited you to a party? What did you say?"
	"The show was amazing, Aaron was the best actor on that stage. He did, I agreed. And, for the last time, Katie. We're just friends," I sighed, smirking. 
	Although Aaron, with his radiant smiles, endless facts about art and perfect bowling form, had wormed his way into my heart, the prospect of love was like standing on a cliff looking over the edge. The depts are dark and unseeable, yet you want so badly just to jump and take your chances with what's at the bottom. After Kaden, I always imagine that what lies below is life threatening spikes of rock, surrounded by burning magma. Knowing this, not even a foot goes over the edge. Not even a glance in class, a flirtatious touch of hands  or footsie under the table at lunch. It was as though the cliff was surrounded on all edges with a strong, electric fence and barbed wire.
	"I could always come with? You know, fend off the bad guys?" Katie poked me in the shoulder, smiling. I shook my head, a small smile playing on my lips as well.
	"Yo, Tyler," Aaron called from a few feet away, my smile grew.
	"Hey!"
	He kept walking but called, "I'll come get you at nine!" 
	Bless his ignorance. No, seriously. After he skipped through the hallway and into the classroom he, Katie and I shared, everyone in that hallway started whispering and staring. They're questioning eyes and curious words were suffocating. Through all of it though, I just walked. At the moment, I didn't really care what the populace thought because they honestly don't give a damn about me. As long as there's a will they, won't they or an actual relationship, they'll gossip, they'll care. But when it's over, they'll go right back to calling you names and knocking you down in hallways.
	At eight thirty pm, I was on a frantic call with Katie. Every single article of clothing that was in my closet, was strewn across the the floor. I held up another dress shirt and asked her opinion on it.
	"It's just a party, Tyler. Just pick whichever one you like. Half the group there is going to be wearing sweatpants anyway," Katie said, slightly done with my antics.
	"Yes, I'm aware, but Aaron will be there."
	"You don't even know if he's gay," she pointed out.
	"You're right, but something about him..." I drifted off into thought, finally putting on a shirt. I bid farewell to Katie and walked downstairs.
	"You look sharp," my mom said. I didn't notice she was sitting in the living room. She was holding a book, her reading glasses propped on her nose. A mug of tea sat beside her on the table. She added, "Going to a party?"
	"Yeah. Is that alright? I'm sorry I didn't ask sooner," my tone was pleading.
	"Yes. As long as your friend gets you home and you don't drink," she says, smiling. It was contagious.
	Here's the thing about my mom, she's cool. My dad works late, but he's cool too. Very accepting, but intimidating. They'd probably be fine with my sexuality, but I'm not ready for them to know quite yet.
The doorbell rang. Walking over, I pulled it open. Before me, Aaron stood in a pair of black jeans, a white dress shirt and... suspenders? His style choices always surprised me, but he look good. I beckoned him in.
	"Oh! Hello Mrs. Collins," Aaron greeted, a polite smile on his face.
	"Hello! You don't have to call me that. I'm Laura. Who might you be?"
	"I'm Aaron. My family moved here from Puerto Rico over the summer," he answered. My mother smiled.
	"How lovely. What do your parents do?" the silence in the room was deafening. Aaron didn't say a word, but looked like he was on the verge of tears. Somehow, Mom understood and didn't say anything more. I, on the other hand, was thoroughly confused.
	The drive over was silent until Aaron spoke a few simple lines, "I don't like opening up to people. The wounds are still fresh and there are things that I feel people are not to know."
	"Why's that?"
	"I don't... trust people with information. I'd rather lie to someone about myself then tell them how..." his words drifted. The car was silent for a minute before he spoke again. "My mom died of cancer four months ago. That's why we moved back here. To be among friends and family."
	I turn my head to look at him. His voice hadn't broken, but tears were budding in his eyes. I guess there's a lot behind everyone's smile, I thought, reaching over to place a comforting hand on his shoulder.
	The party was at a senior's house. His name is Lincoln and his parents often let him use the house for parties like this one. For the most part, I was enjoying the time I was spending here. I watched as Aaron danced around and made friends with almost every person in the room. People were laughing and drinking. I'm surprised nothing has been destroyed yet, I thought, surveying the room again. The party had gone on for a couple of hours and some of the people here have had way more alcohol than the recommended amount for a legal adult. 
	A few more minutes went past until... someone walked in that I preferred never to come in contact with again.
	"Yo what's up Kaden? Glad you could make it buddy!" Lincoln's words were slurred. I followed Kaden as he made his way around the room. He grabbed a red cup filled with who knows what, before his eyes landed on me. He made steps in my direction, his face held a smirk that had never looked good on anyone. Now, he was standing right in front of me. I caught Aaron watching out of the corner of my eye, I couldn't tell if he knew what was about to happy.
	"Hey look everyone! The little sissy is here," he turned in a circle, his arms wide open in the air, like he was showing me off. Everyone laughed this. I stayed silent as he continued to taunt me with slurs.
"What are you doing here faggot? Come to find a new mate? Well, unlucky for you, no one here would ever love a disgusting creature like you," he said, his voice rough. Kaden then reached forward and slapped me across the face, hard. It stung, but my face held a neutral expression. He won't get a reaction. He won't get a reaction. He won't- 
	"You know, I never thought of you as a friend. I had a lot of them. You were more of a side character," he slapped me again. I had... never had someone tell me this before. All the nights we'd stay up way to late reading comics because we didn't have school the next morning, the scrapped knees, the rounds of flag football... it all meant nothing? A whole life gone by in a blink, that was everything for me... was nothing for him?
	"Nothing? Seriously? I was the only one there for you when your dad passed away last year. No else went to his funeral, no else stayed with you at the hospital or took care of you when you became so ill from crying. That wasn't nothing," my tone was filled with anger, my voice broke on the last sentence. A tear fell from my eye and I resented it for falling.
	"Ah look. I deceived him well, didn't I? The little baby's crying," Kaden said. 
Aaron walked over, grabbed Kaden by the shoulders, looked him straight in the eyes and said, "You're a terrible friend."
	He pushed Kaden back, and knelt down beside me. "Let's go, Tyler," he said.
	I stood, my body was numb. The world around me was fuzzy and muffled. Everything was a lie? I thought, as I sat quietly in Aaron's car. Tears rolled down my face in full now, dampening my shirt. I felt small and helpless. Not even the hand on my shoulder could console me. Everything was broken. Everything shattered. Did he really mean it? I thought, some small part of me hoped he didn't.