Part 24

                                    

                                          
ARNAV RAIZADA
                          
I thought that since Khushi decided to stay away from me, it would make things easier, she was literally acting like she dint know me at all, even when we would pass by each other, she would walk away ignoring my existence, and as much as that was what I wanted, I couldn't stop feeling hurt about it.
                          
For a couple weeks I just tried to make peace with it, but I just couldn't, and then when things started getting difficult, I would look at the pictures of the people I had hurt in the past so it would remind me why I was doing this in the first place.
                          
I was seated in the class paying no attention at all, I looked at Khushi who was seated a few seats away from me concentrating, I pulled out my phone, and found Saakshi's picture as I looked at it.
                          
Saakshi, the girl I called my best friend.
                          
The girl that deserved a better best friend than me. I grabbed my stuff and walked out leaving the lecturer behind calling out my name but I paid no heed to him, I headed straight to the parking lot and into my car.
                          
Once I was settled down, I played the voicemail I had saved, that would always keep reminding me why I didn't deserve anyone in my life.
                          
"Arnav... I know you are mad, I said things I shouldn't have but I am sorry, it was just in the heat of the moment. I have been trying to call you, I need my best friend with me. The doctors said I might not survive, don't you want to see me for one last time? Don't you want to be with me and tell me things are going to be okay? I really miss you Arnav, please come see me one time, it's all I ask for."
                          
I pressed the play button and listened to the clip over and over again, so it could remind me why I had to stay away from Khushi because it was become way difficult than I thought.
                          
All I wanted to do was see her, meet her, talk to her, tell her how much I loved her, and not doing any of that was making me go crazy.
                          
My hands were literally shaking, it was as if I was having a panic attack, I hated myself for everything I had ever done.
                          
My best friend was dying, yet I never listened to her, I never visited her, because of my own insecurities and problems, and she dint deserve that.
                          
She deserved a best friend that was going to be by her side always, assuring her that everything was going to be perfect, but I dint do any of it, I dint even attend her funeral let alone visit her at the hospital.
                          
A part of me did understand why Aditi hated me, everyone should hate me.
                          
I heard people's voices around which means that everyone's on lunch break, soon the parking lot started getting crowded so I decided to drive off, I dint know where to go though, I just dint feel like going home yet, it felt suffocating there, being all alone.
                          
I drove to the nearest park, parked my car and headed inside to get some fresh air, trying to get rid of everything that was going on in my mind.
                          
*****
                          
Let's the entire day had been terrible for me, I just couldn't stop thinking about Khushi or wondering whether I had made the right decision by pushing her away, I was already missing her.
                          
I tried to go to bed early but I couldn't sleep either, I opened my cupboard trying to look for some alcohol but I dint have that either, so I headed to the nearest bar, I just need a drink to take my mind off things.
                          
I settled down and ordered myself a drink when out of nowhere, I saw Khushi walk in along with Jai, they both were having some kind of a great conversation because she wouldn't stop laughing. I hated that he was making her this happy, I wanted to be the one to make her happy.