12 - Home

                                    

                                          
Becky 
It's been around a month since Harley was born and we're finally coming home, we both passed every point that we needed to. My blood pressure is back and my heart rate is steady and she's all good, I'm so excited to finally go home. Things have been great between me and Colby recently, we've really got on track. Even though I wasn't sure if I wanted a relationship we still somehow kept coming together. I'm falling deeply in love with him again, we may no longer be a working progress. He's great with Harley too, knows just how to calm her down. I know Alexa has set up a nursery which I'm extremely grateful for, Colby is taking us back home soon. I'm just waiting for my discharge papers to be signed, I hear her whine so I carefully lift her out of the crib. 
                          
"Do you ever rest Harl?"
                          
She just smiled at me as I cooed at her, it took around an hour before everything was sorted for us to go home. Before leaving I hugged all the nurses and gave them flowers, they have all been amazing with us all since I had Harley. I buckled Harley into her car seat and carried her out while Colby carried all my bags. I placed her car seat down in the car and went round the other side and got in, I'm kinda scared to be in a car with her. It's her first ever time and I'm afraid she won't like it.
                          
"Don't be so tense, she'll be fine and your back there with her."
                          
Colby smiled at me before starting the engine, he drove 20mph all the way home. Harley was sleeping peacefully by the time we got home. I climbed out of the car and slowly carried her indoors, luckily Nikki and Alexa were asleep on the couch when we got back so they wouldn't accidentally wake her. I hadn't seen the nursery yet and I was so amazed when I opened the door, it was beautiful. It had Harleys name of the wall surrounded by pictures of me and Colby and all her aunties and uncles. The walls were a light shade of pink and the carpet was a grey, it is perfect. I gently placed her down in the crib and just stood there watching over her.
                          
"Becky, she'll be fine. You should get some sleep."
                          
"I don't want to leave her..."
                          
"I'll stay with her you just sleep."
                          
I made my way down the corridor and into my room, I grabbed one of Colby's jumpers and pulled it over my head. I tried to sleep but I couldn't, when I heard her cry I couldn't help myself. I ran back to her.
                          
"Becks she's okay, just needs a nappy change."
                          
I walked over and sat on the rocking chair alongside her crib.
                          
"Colby I can't leave her. I tried to but I just can't."
                          
"Do you want to put her in the co-sleeper, just until she's a little older."
                          
Colby 
Becky nodded with tears in her eyes, I did hurt to see her like this. I quickly set up the co-sleeper and put it next to Becky's bed, she was bouncing little Harley was was sleeping in her arms. She placed her down and got into bed, once Becky was asleep, I searched up 'Can parents have separation anxiety?' I read a little into it but just decided that it was normal for Becky to want to be with Harley. I awoke at three in the morning to Becky crying, I rolled over and saw she was sitting on the end of the bed.
                          
"Becky?"
                          
"Sorry did I wake you?"
                          
"What's the matter?"
                          
"I'm worried that I'm not gonna be a good mother..."
                          
"Nonsense."
                          
"You really think so, I've had the nurses to rely on and tonight is the first night without them and I don't know I just feel so afraid I'll mess her up. She's so perfect and I want to keep her that way."