Chapter Nine

                                    

                                          

Jonah caught her by the waist, seeming to know her legs wouldn't be able to hold her up, and carried Astrid down the hallway, then laid her body against the bed. "I need a shower, because I smell like sweat and stale beer. I want to see you waiting for me just like that when I get out."
                          
Although Astrid nodded her response to him, as soon as he reached her doorway, she couldn't help but call out to him. "Hey, Jonah." She waited for him to turn before she continued. "I can't be something you regret. You know that, right?"
                          
His pale green gaze softened before he answered. "I know that, Astrid. There will be some regrets that come with this, but you won't be one of them. That's a promise."
                          
Astrid tucked her blonde, now barely damp hair behind her ear and took in his answer before she replied. "Good, because I can take a lot of things in life, but I don't think I could take losing you."
                          
"There's no chance of that ever happening. There isn't a single person on this earth more important to me than you. I've loved you every single day of your life, sweetheart. What's happening here won't change that. Do you believe me?"
                          
"Yes," Astrid said weakly, nodding her head once again for him.
                          
She waited until he disappeared from view before laying her head down on the pillow. Looking back, there had only ever been three instances where there was a flicker of curiosity when it came to Jonah Dawson. 
                          
The first was when he took her hiking her sophomore year of high school.  It was when she first looked at him as more of a friend than her godfather, noticing how easily he opened up to her during the night of camping. She'd hit a more rebellious stage of her life, and that trip was meant to remind her of what was important. Instead, it became more of a life altering moment between the two of them. She remembered how his face looked beside the flickering flames of the campfire. How relaxed he was, and it was the first time she really noticed how handsome Jonah was. 
                          
The second instance was when he first came to visit her in college, three weeks into her freshman year. There was a light rap on the door and when she opened it, there he was, smiling in a way she'd never seen before, and declared he was there for the weekend. The visit hadn't come soon enough, as she was desperately homesick, and had never gone more than a few days without seeing him. She remembered noticing all the girls in the hallway staring at him as they left to go get dinner and how proud she felt having his arm around her shoulder. 
                          
The third was the time they'd gone swimming the year before, the last time he'd seen her in a bathing suit. In all the years she'd known him, even living with him for a few of them in her childhood, she'd never seen him shirtless until that day. It was a sight to behold, and Astrid wondered if a man who looked like him would ever notice her.
                          
But those thoughts had been fleeting, disappearing soon after they arrived. Every other moment in her life, he was just Jonah. Her Jonah. He was her unnecessary protector, her friend, her secret keeper, her godfather.  
                          
He'd held so many titles in her life, that although he'd reassured her, it was terrifying to think she might lose them all now that her eyes were seeing the rest of him he'd kept hidden away from her. 
                          
When the door to the bathroom opened and Astrid turned to see Jonah walk in the room wearing only his boxers, all those fears seemed to melt away. He was more beautiful than she remembered, likely because for once she was allowed to stare at him without the risk of being caught. She was allowed to see him for who he really was.
                          
"That isn't where I left you."
                          
Astrid shrugged it off. "Sometimes a girl just has to deviate."
                          
After a few moments of Jonah just looking at her, he took a few steps forward, causing Astrid to shake her head.