That's My Love

                                    

                                          
(TW: Glorification of death)


                          
SEPTEMBER 2020


                          
Pain was never an absent element in Rey's life. She had plenty of experience with the overwhelming feeling. When her parents left, finding out her mother died shortly after that, the mess of the foster-system (which in short was abuse) and now Ben. 
                          
Paralysis and helplessness were the feelings that became Rey's life in the time that Ben had been gone, but those two words translated to a universal darkness and sea that she'd been drowning in for nine months. They overcame her so much and so strongly that life was plain misery. Practically Hell would be better. So now, as Rey sped from her apartment to the hospital, she'd never felt it more. 
                          
She didn't know why exactly she was feeling this way now... perhaps due to all the pain Ben had likely gone through. Rey really wasn't in any state of mind to be driving but nothing brought her to care.
                          
The roads were a blur ahead of her, the dotted white line slightly to her left completely faded in her vision; she barely even recalled the mostly green but some red lights she sped through. It didn't concern her because if a siren were to sound behind her calling for her to pull over, she wouldn't. 
                          
Nothing would stop her from seeing him. Not after all this time. Not after all the pain and torture she'd undergone. 
                          
Rey's hands held a deathly grip on the wheel and undeniably shook every time she had to turn it. And although she was basically drowning in one of Ben's huge crewnecks along with leggings, her body vibrated and shook violently along with her hands. 
                          
At one point she distantly heard the sound of a car horn to which she realized it was being directed at her as she rolled through a four-way stop sign. She couldn't bring herself to care for her own life right now, and she hadn't in a while. If getting Ben back for mere minutes meant she had to give up her life, she would in less than a heartbeat.
                          
When she did think about her life, she found herself welcoming death. In times like these, while driving, if a semi were to slam into the driver's side and completely obliterate her car, she wouldn't complain and would simply accept it. After all, chances were Ben was waiting for her on the other side. 
                          
It was some miracle that Rey was snapped out of her trance at that time, because a pedestrian strolling along the crosswalk was approaching fast and Rey was going approximately 45 miles per hour. 
                          
She slammed on the breaks so hard, that her forehead almost made contact with the top of the steering wheel. As she came to an abrupt stop, she closed her eyes and prayed to God for something other than Ben being alive for the first time since she could remember. 
                          
The car was filled with nothing but Rey's heavy breaths. After a solid ten seconds, she found the courage to peel her eyelids open and was met with the man she almost hit staring at her with a deathly glare. He looked to be a businessman, dressed in a clean suit and also in the middle of a phone call. He obviously had no trouble financially. 
                          
Damn rich folks. 
                          
When Rey made no move, too out of it to comprehend what happened clearly, he simply flipped her off, shouting a few curses and finished crossing the street. He held his phone back up to his ear again. 
                          
If the man knew all of the shit Rey had been through in her life and where she was headed, he maybe just maybe would have given her the time of day to apologize and shown a slightly less-rude gesture.