We found this vegan place for dinner that delivered. I think all any of us wanted to do today was enjoy the company of our significant other....well I think I can call Billie that now. We haven't really talked about titles now that I think about it 🤔 We were sitting in my room eating dinner on the bed, Bil was stuffing her face with a gluten free bean burrito 🌯 while laughing at Rick & Morty. I laughed at her under my breath while shoving a spoonful of my burrito bowl in my face. "What???" She asked. I laughed harder. She looked confused. "Nothing, you're just adorable B that's all." She smirked sarcastically and flashed me her mouth full of half chewed food. "Nice....is it too late to retract that statement?" Lol. She laughed, "bitch you looooove me." I blew her a kiss. She wasn't wrong, I just haven't told her yet. She gathered her trash up and asked me if I was done. "I'm gonna take it downstairs so it don't stink up the room brb!" "Thanks babe!" I watched her disappear out the door into the dark hallway. I fell back onto my pillow & started scrolling social media. I sat up realizing that its been like 15 minutes since Bil went to go throw the trash away. I hopped up and headed downstairs. "Bil! You okay!?" No answer. I checked both bathrooms downstairs. My heart was starting to race a little. I ran into the kitchen. "Billie!?" I went to the foyer, opened up the front door and looked around outside. Nothing. I shut the door. "Hey what's going on?" It was Finneas. I turned around panicked, "I can't find Billie..." he looked confused "what do you mean???" "She went to throw our trash away from dinner....it had been like 10-15 minutes so I came down here looking for her....I..I...can't find her." Some of the color left his face. "Okay, we're gonna find her. Listen, sometimes Billie gets into these kind of manic states and she shuts down, we never know when it's gonna happen. It hasn't happened in awhile actually, she's been really happy this year." He had his phone out trying to call her. "Fuck!" She didn't answer. I could feel the tears swelling up in my eyes. He put his hand on my shoulder, it's okay, we'll split up, we're gonna find her." He assured me. "Okay, I'll finish looking down here if you wanna take up stairs, text me if you find her & Ill do the same." He agreed and took off up the staircase. "Billie!!!" He yelled. I checked the huge deck outside, "Billie please! Where are you!?" I looked over the banister, no luck. I tried calling, straight to voicemail. I went back inside and leaned up against the double doors feeling confused & helpless as fuck. The boat house. I ran to the kitchen, grabbed a flash light and hurried out the front door again. Fuck I've never done this at night, I was trying to keep my balance as I was sliding on the gravel road. I made it down the hill and sprinted to the boat house. The light was on, my lungs were on fire, I threw the door open. There she was in a corner, knees to chest and her head between her legs. She looked so small. I didn't know what I was seeing but my heart broke instantly. I've only ever seen this girl confident, strong and with her head held high. I was afraid. I shut the door behind me but she didn't flinch. "Bil?....baby, what's going on?" I walked over to her & sat directly in front of her. I reached out and put my hand on her knee. "Billie please talk to me." I could hear her quietly sobbing. I pulled out my phone and txted Finn. ....................... 📱Krys- Found her. ........................ 📱Finn- Fuck, thank you! You got this or do you need me? ..................... 📱Krys- Ok for now. I'll let you know if I need you. ...................... 📱Finn- I trust you. Just keep talking to her. ....................... She lifted her head up and handed me her phone. Her eyes were swollen & red & she still had tears streaming down her face. I just wanted to hold her but I knew the reason for this was on that phone screen & she wanted me to see it. I took the phone out of her hand and she buried her face into her knees again. I swiped the screen open. The first thing I saw was a photo of Bil but the face was clearly photoshopped onto a naked woman. I opened the next tab & it was an entire IG account dedicated to bullying, shit talking and lame ass photo edits of her. The next was a YouTube video titled "Why Billie Eilish Sucks. And the last tab was tons of random tweets bullying, shit talking and boarder line sexual harassment. I felt sick. What the fuck is wrong with people?! "Who sent you this shit?" I asked. She lifted her head again, "my asshole ex." I couldn't take it anymore, I stood up, grabbed her hands and pulled her onto her feet. She wouldn't look at me. So I just held her. "Fuck them. Fuck all of them." I whispered in her ear. "I just don't understand..." she stuttered still crying. "They don't even know me, how do you judge people you don't even fucking know!??" I squeezed her tighter. Her body was tense and I could feel the vibrations in her back from the crying. "Please Bil, come back inside with me." She pulled away from me and wiped her face with the sleeves of her hoodie. "FUUUUUUCK!!!" She yelled. "I hate this shit!" She grabbed my hand and I lead her back to the lodge. She was silent so I didn't speak the whole walk back either. I was sick to my stomach for her. We got back to my room & she curled up on the bed. I shot Finneas a text ...................... 📱Krys- She's ok. Back in my room now. I'll let her tell you what happened when she's ready. ....................... 📱Fin- Thank you! Let me know if it goes south again. I don't care what time it is. ......................... 📱Krys- I will 👍🏽 ............................ Still feeling a little helpless I decided to run her a bath. I kneeled at the side of the bed, we were face to face. She finally made eye contact with me. I brushed her hair away from her face, her mascara had smudged and created broken up black steaks all over her beautiful face. " come take a bath with me." I saw a hint of a smile. She let out a sigh and slipped off of the bed. "You won't regret it, I promise." I grabbed her hand and led her to the tub. I grabbed the bottom of her hoodie and lifted it up over her head revealing a black lace bra. She never broke eye contact. I pushed her shorts and panties down to her ankles, she stepped out the rest of the way. She pulled down her bra straps and removed it. I grabbed her hand and assisted her into the tub. She sunk down all the way until she was totally submerged, came back up and rested her head against the porcelain. I took my clothes off and slid down the other side submerged up to my neck. She looked over at me. "Thank you, I'm fucking sorry you had to see me like that." She rubbed her face with her hands trying to clean off the make up streaks. I grabbed a small wash cloth off of the rack next to me, dipped it in the water and moved towards her. "You don't have anything to apologize for Bil. You're human & I am a safe place for you to be vulnerable. I hope you know that." I gently wiped underneath her eyes and down her cheeks to help her with the make up. She shut her eyes, I could tell this shit took a lot out of her. I slid behind her and pulled her back into me. She rested between my legs with her head lying on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head. "Billie, you are beautiful inside and out. But you will never be good enough for some people. And not always be someone's cup of tea. And that's not your problem. The important people in your life love you because we know you & accept everything you are." She sat up and faced me. "We?" I realized what I had just said, but it's not like it wasn't true. "Yes we." I grabbed her hands. "I fucking love you Ms. Eilish." There's that beautiful smile. She grabbed my face and kissed me. "I told you bitch!" She stuck out her tongue & pushed my shoulder. I threw the wash cloth at her & splashed her in the face. She was laughing and smiling again finally. I never wanna see her like that again, but I know it's going to be inevitable. Fuck. What a night.
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