18

                                    

                                          
Caley
                          
I'd considered returning to Tyler the next day and pretending I hadn't kissed him for hours, but I ultimately decided that I could never do that. I knew when I moved here that my days in Pine were numbered, and I couldn't and shouldn't try to change that, for the sake of my family. But I also knew that I didn't know how many hours I had left to read, kiss and drive around with Tyler Thompson, and I wanted to fit in as much time doing those things as possible, because all we had was this. All we had was now. Carpe Diem.
                          
So when I met Tyler between the bookshelves the next evening, I didn't tell him about my parents. I didn't cry. I didn't eyeball the floor and sit farther away and tell him I shouldn't have kissed him. I did sit close enough for him to put his arm around my back and his hand right above my waist. I did share gummy bears from out of my bag while I quietly read Harry Potter fanfiction off my phone. I did all this and for once, I didn't feel guilty for sitting so close to someone so far away from home. There was no room for that. Carpe Tyler.
                          
I would have to tell him about my mom and dad eventually, but now was not the time. If the right time came, I'd tell him. Now was not the time. Draco Malfoy was about to admit his feelings for Hermione Granger and Tyler's hands were too full to accept my bittersweet news- he had one on my waist and one in my bag, fishing for the red gummy bears. I read on and ate the green ones. Hermione accepted Draco's invitation to the Yule Ball.
                          
///
                          
I'd briefly met Tyler's family when we held our Pre Calc study sessions at his kitchen table, but no more than a few words. Tyler often occupied his mother with something else before she asked too many questions. A couple weeks after the kiss, we were nearing the last chapter of the Dramione fanfiction we'd read and discussing whether they were a realistic match when Tyler informed me that his mom wanted to meet me beyond "Hi, how are you?" and "The weather's been really nice hasn't it?"
                          
"Yeah, she was- I mean I was too- wondering if you would maybe want to come to my house for dinner," he said as he held my hand and fidgeted with my fingers.
                          
"Okay," I replied. 
                          
"Yeah?" he smiled, shifting so he sat up a bit taller.
                          
"Yeah, I'll come," I laughed and laced my fingers through his. He had a band aid on his index finger from what he'd said was a papercut. 
                          
"Alright, Tuesday? My mom's making enchiladas. I'll pick you up."
                          
"Tuesday."
                          
///
                          
When I got home, Mom was on the phone again. I wasn't up to eavesdropping today, so I walked past the kitchen to Madeline's room. She wasn't there, but I went in and sat on the bed. She still had some boxes in the back, opened but not put away. There was laundry on the floor and her alarm clock was plugged in, so one could tell that somebody slept here, but the room was still plain and undecorated. Not cold, but not extremely homey either. I knew Madeline was home, so she must have been in the bathroom. I didn't know how long she would take. I laid back on her pillows and waited for her to come back.
                          
"Hey, Cal. What are you doing?" Madeline opened the door. She was wearing her bathrobe and had a towel wrapped around her wet hair.
                          
I sat up and and scooted back until I sat with my back against her headboard. She went to her closet and pulled out her pajamas before sitting at the foot of her bed. I said, "I just wanted to tell you some stuff. Tyler invited me to dinner at his house."
                          
"He did? Caley! That's great!" she lunged forward to sit closer to me, bouncing in excitement.
                          
"Yeah, I know! It's just I'm not sure how to...Should I wear a dress or not?" I asked.
                          
"No, honey. Well, if you do, keep it casual. Like you're going on a Sunday stroll in the park with Tyler but you're...you know what. I'll help you pick something to wear," she said, taking the towel off her head. "So you like him?"
                          
I nodded, slowly and then faster, because I was hesitant to admit it but so sure of it in my head. "Definitely. He's so funny and he's smart, but he doesn't make a big deal out of it. We like the same books. He's nice and he really is cute. I love his hair so much." Madeline looked at me with a smile, but raised eyebrows because I'd never said anything like this to her before.
                          
"Have you kissed him yet? Wait, don't answer that question. I know you have. You kissed him at prom, didn't you? Tammy told me she saw you but I didn't believe it."
                          
"Tammy has a big mouth," I rolled my eyes the mention of Madeline's annoying friend.
                          
"But it was, wasn't it? You've kissed him?"
                          
"Uh...yeah. A few times." I looked down at the quilt under me, but I was suppressing a smile. I had kissed Tyler Thompson.
                          
"Have you...you know..."
                          
My smile vanished. "Have I what, Madeline," I said in a tone that didn't imply that I was asking a question. I think I knew what she was talking about.
                          
She dropped her voice to almost a whisper and glanced at the door. "Have you slept with him?"
                          
"God, Madeline, no!" I threw one of her pillows at her head.
                          
She put her arms up in defense. "Okay! Okay. I didn't think so. But do you want to?"
                          
"Shut up. I can't even think about that right now." I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on one of them. "We're going back to Arizona soon, aren't we?"
                          
Madeline scooted across the bed until she sat right next to me. "I think so. They're talking again." Her voice had transitioned from joking to seriousness.
                          
"It's not fair. We've moved back and forth so many times. Do you think they even love each other anymore?" I asked.
                          
Madeline put her arm around me and I leaned into her. I was about the same size as she was, but she was the eldest, and the position was not uncomfortable.
                          
"I think they want to," she said quietly. Mom couldn't have been listening through the door, because I could faintly hear her on the phone in the kitchen still. "And I think that that we have to root for them, because they're our parents. They're our default OTP."
                          
I almost laughed at Madeline's use of OTP, but it didn't come out. "I'm rooting for them," I said half-heartedly.
                          
"Are you?" She could tell I wasn't being completely honest, and it tore me to pieces.
                          
I told her the truth: "I want to."