It's Alright

                                    

                                          
I just read Love Shuttle and now I'm listening to Yagami Yato so I'm feeling a bit... sinful. No, there won't be smut, but I'll think about it in the future.
                          
Deku pov
                          
"May I?"
                          
I nod reluctantly before he slides up my sleeves and unwraps my bandages. I feel the coverings fall off of my arms and I cringe at the sight. My arms are covered in white and red scars and scabs from my shoulder down to my wrist. 
                          
I look away, too uncomfortable. I'm...scared. I don't want to see Kacchan's reaction, because I already know what it will be. He'll hate me. Heh. I bet he always has. 
                          
I brace myself for the yelling and anger, but instead I'm met by trembling and small droplets of water on my wrists. I look at Kacchan to find him crying. He puts a hand over his mouth and sobs silently. He drops to the floor and covers his face with both hands, convulsing while sob after sob wracks his body. 
                          
"Kacchan-" "Why?", he cries. He looks up and meets my eyes, giving me the most heartbroken stare I've ever seen. I sigh and drop my head. Before I can question what's going on, I feel my body being pulled forward and into a hug. 
                          
It feels so warm and comforting that I can't stop the tears that prick the corners of my eyes. I grip the back of his shirt with my palms as tears stream down my face like a waterfall, my mouth silent. The room is filled with our quiet sobs and the sounds of our lungs trying to gain air after crying for so long.
                          
Once we let go, his lips meet mine. There's no tongue, no lust, just love. He cups his hands on my cheeks, and I do the same to him. We break apart, his hands still caressing my cheeks. "Do you hate me?", I ask quietly. "How could I hate you?", Kacchan says sweetly. He proceeds to kiss my face, not missing a single freckle. 
                          
"I love you, idiot."
                          
I smile, more tears threatening to spill. "But that doesn't mean I'm just going to let this go.", Kacchan says. I nod, letting him touch my scars. He runs his fingers up and down my arms, looking at my scars with a pained face. 
                          
When he finally lets go of my wrists, he looks down and puts his hands on his legs. "Is it... my fault?", he says quietly. My head shoots up in surprise. Well, it is understandable that he would think this, but that's not it. "No. It's not.", I whisper. 
                          
"I just... couldn't help it." "But I pushed you to do it! I said horrible things! I-I told you to kill yourself! I can't... I can't go without thinking that it wasn't my fault.", he manages to choke out. "But it wasn't your fault. It never was.", I say while taking his hands. "If I did this because of you, I wouldn't even love you. I would probably hate you. But I don't." Kacchan looks up, small tears in the corner of his eyes. 
                          
"Then why did you do it?" 
                          
I hesitate. I look away, any signs of blush fading from my face. I drop his hands, my now free fingers pulling at my hair. "I-I..." 
                          
My mouth is agape, no words able to come out. Everything comes rushing back to me. The abuse, the hate, the bullying, everything. But... I can't seem to tell him. I shake my head, letting go of my hair, telling him that I'm not saying a thing. He bites his lip and sighs. 
                          
Katsuki pov
                          
After a while, he mumbles something I barely hear. "I hate myself...", he says impossibly quiet. My head shoots up, only to see Deku with a darkened face and arms clutched together, nails digging into his skin. His voice is so full of loathing hatred and venom that it scares me a little. 
                          
His jaw clenches as a few tears drip onto the floor. He let's out a shaky breath, his fingers growing tighter around his arms. I slowly crawl closer to him, not sure if I'll make anything worse by doing so. I gently take his fingers out of his arms, but he immediately latches them back on and brings his knees to his chest. 
                          
He squeezes his eyes shut, nodding his head slightly, as if he were talking to someone. His body trembles and convulses from time to time, leaving me not knowing what to do. 
                          
He starts knocking himself in the head, groaning. All of a sudden, his breath hitches and he whimpers. "Deku? What's going on?", I ask calmly. His eyes shoot to me, his panic visible. "Nononononononono!", he mumbles. "Get out!" His breathing starts to become irregular, telling me that he's going into a panic attack.
                          
His foot starts tapping on the ground, trying to relieve stress. "Hey, Deku. Focus on me. Can you do that? Just tell me what's going on.", I say calmly. He looks at me in panic, tears welling up in his eyes.
                          
Hot tears run down his cheeks, his breathing still uneven. I inch towards him, wrapping him in my arms. He breaks out of the strange trance he was in, hugging me tightly. He breaks down, sobbing into my arms. I run my fingers through his hair, whispering calming words and kissing his forehead. "Shhhh, you're okay. I'm here.", I whisper. 
                          
"I just want to be happy... is that wrong?", Deku sobs. My heart pangs. "No, baby. You deserve all the happiness in the world."
                          


                          
This author's note is going to be pretty short today! I hope y'all are taking care of yourselves! Make sure to check up on yourself, mentally. If you ever need to talk to someone, I'm here if you need anything! You can dm me on instagram (mangoes_are_valid) or you can talk to me in the comments. Love y'all sm!