When I'm peaceful

                                    

                                          
Like most, I've never seen myself sleeping. That was until now. I looked at my frail body. I looked so peaceful, like the calm sky before the storm. I never remember looking that peaceful. At first, I thought this was an out of body experience while I slept. That was till I was looking at my body and it wasn't in my bed and I heard sniffling.
                          
I looked down at my body in the casket. I screamed, "Wake up! You need to wake up!"
                          
God, it seemed no matter how bad I wanted to come back, death seemed to have another plan for me. I sat on the side of the table the casket lay on and looked at everyone who was attending. Stevie was the first one to catch my eye.
                          
Surprisingly he wasn't crying. He looked as though we wanted to, but he didn't. That made me happy. Out of everyone here I wanted Stevie to celebrate my life. I didn't want him to cry, I only wanted him to remember the happy memories. He wore a black blazer with a white button-up underneath and black pants. He looked like he did on our wedding day, but this time his face was pained.
                          
The next person I saw was Natasha. She had a nice simple black dress. She wasn't crying at the moment, but I knew she had. I could see the fresh tear stains on her cheeks. It pained me to see my friends... no, my family hurt like this.
                          
Even if I didn't get along with everyone here, I'm kind of glad they came. All the Avengers and a lot of S.H.E.I.L.D. members came. I wonder what my funeral would be like. I've always wondered that, but I'd never thought I'd be able to see it. 
                          
Steve greeted everyone as they came and then after it seemed everyone gathered and sat down, he wanted on to the raised platform next to my casket. He looked at my dead body before facing everyone and tapping the microphone. 
                          
"Hello everyone. Today we mourn- no sorry. Let me restart. Good afternoon friends and family. Today we celebrate the life of James Buchanan Barnes, otherwise known as my best friend and husband Bucky," Steve sniffled
                          
I could see how bad he wanted to cry. There were already people crying in the pews, especially Wanda. I chuckled a little. She was always emotional, but I'd never thought she would cry for me.
                          
"Now I invite Mr. Dimitri Andrews, the funeral conductor to take my spot and talk to you all a little," Steve said. Everyone clapped as Steve went to the front pew. I followed and sat next to him. I put my hand on his thigh and leaned my head on his shoulder. 
                          
Dimitri slowly walked to the microphones and raised it. He was a very tall man with long brown hair and he wore a black suit.
                          
"Welcome friends and family members, and thank you for coming today. We gather here together not to mourn but to celebrate the life of a great man and hero, James Barnes. I believe him to be the light of many of your lives," Dimitri started
                          
I laughed at that last part. The most I did for a lot of the people gathered here is just made them sad or angry. Dimitri's speech was pretty average. He ended his first speech and invited Natasha up to the stage. I watched her quickly wipe her tears before she stood up straight wiping her dress and confidently walking to the mic. 
                          
"Unlike a lot of my Avenger teammates, James and I became friends quite quickly and easily. When he wasn't hanging around with Cap, I would hang around him. He was a great friend. I know he won't believe me when I say that but he was. I've been asked recently, what will I remember most about James? The answer to that is simple. His laugh. He wasn't one to laugh much, but when he did it was a beautiful sound. His laugh is also what I will miss the most. It brought me out of some of my toughest times." Natasha started sniffling and a tear even rolled down my cheek. It may seem simple to most people but it was a lot to me.
                          
"Sorry, I'm not the best with words. I will miss James dearly, but I am beyond grateful for being able to know him. My last thing is specifically for James. Путешествие не заканчивается здесь. Смерть - это просто еще один путь, по которому мы все должны идти. Keep going, buddy." Natasha let tears roll down her cheeks as she walked back. Before she got back, Steve grabbed her hand and had her bend down towards her to give her a kiss on the cheek. She gave him a pained smile and I squeezed his hand.
                          
A lot of people spoke, and it kind of made me uncomfortable. It's not that I didn't appreciate it, but I didn't really know a lot of them. I was glad for the speeches of the ones closest to me. I really appreciated Sam's. For most of the speech he just made fun of me, but I knew he was joking. It made Steve smile and that made me happy, but now it's Steve's turn. I was scared for his turn. I let go of his hand as he walked to the mic.
                          
"Bucky, I will always love you and I hope you know that. No one can ever replace you, at least not in my heart. We were only married for a few months, and they were perfect. I remember the conversation we had on our wedding night. Do you remember it? You asked me when we would adopt a child. We had always wanted a baby girl. You wanted to be this amazing father, I knew you would be one. Should I still adopt? I don't know if I would be a good enough father without you." Steve had a few tears roll down his cheek, as did I.
                          
"Adopt her for me, Stevie. You'll be an amazing father, I know it," I spoke, but no one heard me
                          
"Funnily enough, this isn't the first time you've died on me, " he chuckled looking at my body in the casket, "but just like last time, it's my fault you've died. The first time your hand slipped from mine and you fell from the train and this time I couldn't get my shield in front of you fast enough."
                          
I was bawling at this point. I had never cried like this in my life, but it wasn't Stevies fault. It was mine. I cried out trying to tell him that he wasn't responsible but just like before, he couldn't hear me and that made me sob harder. Steve was crying more as well.
                          
"I don't know if you know Bucky, but we beat the villain... that last shot you got on him did wonders, but the last shot he got on you pained me so much. Your death came in slow motion to me. I'm so sorry I couldn't save you. I'm sorry I wasn't your hero. I'm sorry I couldn't be enough." Steve turned from the mic and let out a small sob before turning to the microphone again. 
                          
"YOU WERE TO YOUNG TO DIE!" He screamed, "You and I were supposed to grow old together. You will live forever in my heart my love. All our memories... I'll never forget them. Geez. I'm sorry" Steve wiped away his tears. I still hadn't stopped crying, I just wanted to tell him I love him one last time.
                          
"Knowing Bucky, he doesn't want me crying here, so I'll stop. So please," Steve says looking at the pew pretty much exactly where I sat, "stay safe and I will meet you soon. I love you.
                          
With that, his speech ended. Tear's where still rolling down my transparent cheeks.
                          
"I love you too. All of you. So much. Goodbye, everyone..." and with that all I saw was white.
                          


                          
A/N: My second story back is a sad one :) Do you expect any less though? Anyways hope you enjoyed <3