Chapter 6

                                    

                                          
He felt tired, so tired. Evan walked in a very stiff manner towards his room, showered and changed into fresh clothes. Looking at the plush bed he saw his wife lying at her side, without making any noise he in a very slow motion slipped into the duvet. He didn't want to wake her up.

"Had your dinner?"

Evan exhaled a deep breath and tilted his head sideways to look at his wife, the love of his life Zess. "Yeah."

Zess turned around to face her husband, inside his firm and cold mask she knew he was hurting every second.
"I know when you are being a liar, dear husband."
She was about to get up when Evan gripped her wrist. "I am not hungry Zess."
Zess yanked away her wrist from his. "Like I am going to listen to you."

None of his protests worked, like always. And so after fifteen minutes Evan was sat at the dinning table eating the heated up dinner. None of them talked.

Zess was washing away the dishes in sink when Evan leaned beside her, staring at nothing particularly outside the kitchen window.

Sighing loudly, Zess finally put the last one of cutlery down.

"Evan, look at me."

Evan moved his gaze from the window to look at Zess's determined eyes. the haunting look in his eyes were clearly visible.

"Evan.. I know that you miss Emma everyday, I can understand how you feel guilty over whatever happened years back. But in this guilt Evan, you are ignoring... pushing away everything else in your life - in our life Evan."

Evan was staring at her blankly.

Her voice was so broken. "But I cant take this anymore Evan, I just cant. You have wrapped yourself up such a way in a shell Evan and I am trying so hard... so hard to cope with this."

Zess paused in the middle of her sentence while Evan silently held her hand, but Zess brushed it away immediately. Her eyes welling up. Gulping down the lump in her throat, she rested her back against the sink in resignation.

"It was my ultrasound today."

Evan closed his eyes tight, he again missed it. "Zess, I'm so.."
"How many times more will you say sorry Evan? I am so done with it all. Can't you see you beating yourself up for your guilt is affecting other people around too?" The sadness in her words cut his heart deeply.

Evan now reached out for her hands and held them still instead of her protests...

"I kept dialing your number..." Zess's voice trembled.
"My phone was in silent.." Evan said guiltily.
Zess chuckled humorlessly. "It always is."

Evan's heart broke seeing her stifle a sob.
"I kept waiting and waiting in the hospital but you didn't show up - you never did."

Evan's one hand wrapped around her swollen belly, Zess was five months pregnant. They were having their first child and Evan realized that he was missing out the whole experience, he was neglecting his responsibilities towards his wife and child.
"I am sorry Zess, so so sorry. In the grief of - guilt of loosing Emma I didn't realize that I was pushing you away. Pushing our little one away."

He placed a light kiss on her temple. "I promise Zess, this would never happen again. I promise you or our baby would never have to feel like this ever again. I promise. Just trust me this once."