-TWENTY ONE-

                                    

                                          
Alex's POV
                          
(Drown - Bring Me The Horizon)
                          
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Suddenly I realize about what happens. My eyes widen. Oh, fuck. I hit her. I fucking hit Logan! I look at my hand. No!
                          
Heather screams, Luca lifts Logan up and he brings Logan out from my study. Heather is crying right in front of me.
                          
"What ha-happened, Alex?" Heather asks me.
                          
"I messed up." I say after a while. "I hit her, H. I fucking hit Logan!"
                          
I try to stand up but Heather holds me. "Let Luca takes care of her. He knows what to do."
                          
"Fuck!" I scream. "I need to see her, H."
                          
"No." She says sternly, wiping her tears off. "Not with your hand like that."
                          
"I need to see her." I demand.
                          
"Let me take care of your hands first." Heather says, she stands up and grabs my first aid kid.
                          
God, what did I do? Why did I hit her when she tried to help me? Why am I like this? Why do I hurt her so many times?
                          
And what did I say back there? Why did I tell her that I don't love her anymore? Fuck! I love her! I fucking love her to death! Why is this fucking mind always fucking things up on me?
I shake my head in disappointment at myself. I say I don't love Logan anymore and I hit her just to make her let me go.
                          
Oh god, I mess up. I fucking mess up big time.
                          
Heather takes care of me carefully. She helps me to change my clothes and she wraps a new bandage for my hands. Luca is on the doorway, scratching his neck.
                          
"How's Logan?" Heather asks.
                          
"She's okay, I think." Luca says.
                          
"You think?" Heather asks in confusion.
                          
"Uh," Luca averts his gaze.
                          
"Luca, tell me! What happened to her?" Heather asks. "Spill it out."
                          
"She, uh," Luca pauses. "She left."
                          
"Fuck!" I scream.
                          
I try to stand up but Heather holds me. "Give her space, Alex. Maybe she is in shock. If you chase after her now, she may rejects you."
                          
"No." I say. "I have to explain to her something. It's my biggest lie I've ever said to her."
                          
"Which is?" Heather asks cautiously.
                          
"I said that I don't love her anymore." I don't realize that my tears streaming down my face. "I really messed up this time, H. I will lose her forever. I'm so stupid."
                          
"It wasn't you, Alex. It was your anger who took control." Heather tries to calm me down.
                          
"No, H. You don't understand." I wipe my tears off. "I tell her through my eyes and she believed in my eyes than my words and I told her that I don't love her anymore."
                          
"And do you still love her?" Heather asks in lower voice.
                          
"I always do." I say. "I wanted to change for her, I tried so hard. I went to the psychiatrist and got in therapy just for her."
                          
"But what about Michelle?" Luca asks this time.
                          
"I never love her. We're over. She's a bitch." I reply. "I fucking love Logan, H. I fucking love her. She's the only one who can help me control the voices inside my head. But now I let her go. I'm not sure she will forgive me."
                          
"She will." Heather assures me, rubbing my back. "She will always forgive you. Maybe it's hard for her too, you know. Just give her some space to think. I will always be here for you."