I met Heather when we were in middle school and we've been best friends since. She knows everything about me, my family, and she knows what I've been through. Sometimes I hurt her, I shut her out, I yell at her, etc. But she knows me better so I will not let her go no matter what happen.
                          
She is the one who found me lie down on my bathtub with a cut on my wrist after my family's death. She was on her way back because she had left something in my apartment. Lucky me, she had found me and since that happened, her parents even had told her to watch after me. Yeah, my parents and Heather's were friends like Heather and me.
                          
It was my first attempt to kill myself. On the beginning of second year of my family's death, I had drunk my depression medicines with coffee and vodka and it had got me in coma for two weeks.
                          
After I heard Heather's confession when she had known that I had tried to kill myself for the second time, that was the first time I had realized something, that I should stay strong no matter what.
                          
I know my pain is unbearable with the fact that my family's death and I have something inside me that I don't understand what is that to tell someone, not even my best friend. I don't know what it is until now.
                          
But what I do know now, that I don't fucking care about the world! Hell fucking yeah! Why do I have to care about the world if the world did already let me down long time ago?
                          
***
                          
Another nightmare. Fantastic.
                          
I sigh as I look at the ceiling, I feel my head is sweating hard. No matter how numb I am, I always wake up around dawn without a hangover, but nightmares.
                          
Fuck.
                          
I try my best to go back to sleep since it's Sunday, but then I remember that I have to meet Logan at noon. Shit, why do I have to deal with her in the first place? Oh, right. The fucking photography project. I don't really care about the assignment, I just want to pass the grade and leave the hell hole called school as soon as I can.
                          
I drift back to sleep when I feel my eyes can't stay up any longer and wake up at twelve. I brush my teeth and walk to the kitchen to make something for brunch.
                          
My phone is ringing and I know that tone, my special tone for Heather because she's the only one who cares about me. I don't have another family. My dad and my mom were only child, my grandpa and my grandma from both side died when I was a kid, so yeah, you can say my family is Heather only.
                          
She's more like my sister than my best friend, she has a younger sibling and his name is Aaron, he's fifteen and she still lives with her parents but sometimes her parents are away because of their job so practically she lives with her brother only.
                          
"I'm up." I say without saying hello.
                          
"I called you ten times!" Heather shouts at the other line.
                          
"Chill, I'm not dead just yet." I joke but she takes that seriously apparently.
                          
"What the hell? Seriously, Alex—"
                          
"Hey." I cut her off before she explodes. "I woke up at 4 AM and I went back to sleep again. I didn't do anything. I swear. I'm having brunch right now."
                          
I can her she sighs too loud before speaks up again. "You still scared me, Lex."
                          
"I need you to believe me." We're in a serious mode right now, I'm telling you.
                          
"I do, but sometimes when you didn't pick up your phone it's scaring me to death. I'm scared."
                          
"Heather." I call her. "Stop worrying about me and trust me, okay? I'm not gonna do something stupid again, I'm not gonna hurt myself again, I'm not gonna let you down again. Okay? I promise you."