Part 20

                                    

                                          
ARNAV RAIZADA
                          
"Can we talk? Like adults?" I laughed, actually it was true, all this while we were just acting like kids, it was high time we sat down and talked.
                          
"Sure." She patted on the empty space beside her, gesturing me to sit, so I walked closer to her and settled down, I looked at her and I swear this was going to be hard, but not as hard as I thought in the beginning, I came here with a complete different plan but now I just decided to modify it.
                          
"A lot has happened since we first met, whatever I said to you back in the classroom today was true. We both are adults Khushi and I think we both know what we feel for each other, and the only way to get out of this mess is honesty, so here I am with my honesty.
                          
I like you, a lot... more than I should like you. I don't know why it happened, how it happened with you and not anyone else, maybe destiny, I don't know, but the one thing I know and I'm sure of is that I am not the right person for you.
                          
I am not the right person for anyone, I don't do it on purpose but somehow I always end up hurting everyone that's close to me, I won't get into details but I know one day or the other, I would hurt you too, and I don't want that for you.
                          
You know why everyone in the university hates me? It isn't because I am powerful and I can ruin their lives, it is because I made them believe I can do that, the only reason being, I don't want anyone to ever get close to me because at the end of the day, things just go wrong and I'm tired of it.
                          
I am tired of giving myself chances, and I am tired of seeing everyone that I love be hurt because of me, every time it happens, it makes me hate myself.
                          
I don't know what you think about me, or feel towards me, I am just here to tell you what I feel, and I don't want to feel that. I tried to push you away, I tried to do horrible things to you so you would dislike me but despite it all you don't, and nothing seems to keep the both of us away from each other, so I figured, if I'd ask you to do so myself maybe it would work.
                          
Please, if possible, just hate me, stay away from me, do whatever you can, just don't get closer to me, please." 
                          
"What if I tell you that I maybe like you too? I mean all this while I just thought it was lust but I don't think it's that anymore, I think I like you and I..."
                          
"It won't work Khushi." I said as I stood up angrily, I was hoping she would understand me, I dint want to complicate this, I had to be honest so she would stay away, not come closer.
                          
"Why not? What is it that you fear? What could you possibly do to hurt me?"
                          
"I could do a lot, you'll find yourself happy with me for a couple months, and then out of nowhere I'll just start hurting you and I won't even know it, and just like that, from liking me you'll go to hating me.
                          
Now do you really want to go through all that for nothing Khushi? It's not worth it, so please try to understand me and just stay away from me." I looked at her hoping that now she would agree to what I was saying, it was for our own good wasn't it?
                          
"Don't you think if it was that easy to stay away from you I could already have done that Arnav? I have never done things like this before for any guy, when it comes to you, for some reason I just cant stop thinking about you or having all those desires, and like I said, at first I really thought it was lust only, but if it was just that, it wouldn't last long.
                          
Now that you've told me you like me, I want to be with you, I wouldn't want to be with you if I was lusting for you, I know myself better, and I know I haven't felt this thing before... but somehow I did for you." She looked at me sadly.