Chapter 38

                                    

                                          
Emma took in a deep breath as the gates to The Lorex Resting Home came to view. 
She was grateful that Cole hadn't questioned her, she was overall grateful that he had even seen her and driven her there in the first place. It felt like his presence carried away a part of her burden and she was somewhat relieved that someone was there even if she couldn't tell the person anything.
It wasn't the first time Emma had to go there, but what made it different, was that it was the first time Emma went there with someone by her side. 
She was so lost in thought that she didn't realize when Cole had lifted her up from the bike and placed her on the ground. 
He slowly removed the helmet on her head and looked at her letting out a sigh. Her eyes met his and it took all that was in her not to burst out in tears. 
"Should I wait outside or go in with you?" Cole said cupping her cheeks with his hands. The warmness of his touch spread round her body and Emma leaned into it, seeking comfort in every feel. 
She took a deep breath and gently shook her head. 
I wish. 
"No, it's okay." She said diverting her gaze from his, she could hear the dread in her voice and knew that Cole could too. Cole tilted her head to meet his again and slowly caressed it. 
"You don't have to do this alone." Cole said as her usual warm but now chilled brown eyes met his. As she gazed into his smoky grey eyes, she realized something. She trusted him, she didn't know why but she just did, and she found comfort in the mystery he was. But there were just some things she felt like she had to do alone, and this was one of them. 
She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath before finally opening them and looking back into the pool of grey that she felt was staring into her soul. 
"I have to do this alone." Emma said in a whisper. Cole could see the battle in her eyes and he nodded knowing that for some reason this was a tough thing for her to do. 
He slowly released his grip on her cheeks and nodded, this time to himself, as though trying to prevent himself from following her in. 
"It's okay. But I'll be waiting here." He sad giving her a small reassuring smile. Emma mirrored his expression but hers was more of a grateful one as she turned and began slowly walking to the entrance. 
She could hear her heart beating against her chest as she walked towards the reception counter. She was met by the familiar face that was already filled with sympathy as she spotted Emma. 
"Good morning Mrs. Florence" Emma said, trying her best to plaster a smile on her face, knowing it hadn't worked out judging by how the middle aged woman's look of pity only increased. 
"Catharine Warters?" Mrs. Florence asked knowingly. Emma shook her head in response. "Room 12" Emma said a small thanks in response and began to walk towards the direction of the room. 
Her heartbeat seemed to echo against the walls and she felt like at any moment she would collapse. She could hear bells of fear ringing into her ear and could feel as her throat lost all its moisture, threatening to give out and choke her. 
She stopped walking and stood in front of the door labeled 'Room 12' on it. She took in another breath and slowly opened the door. 
Lord please, help me.
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There sat a woman, she didn't look very old but anyone could tell that she was in her late 50's or 60's. Her once brown hair had started graying and her skin was deadly pale. Her chair was positioned to back the door and Emma had to summon another round of courage in order to stand in front of her.
"Good morning mum." Emma said after a minute of silence. 
The woman suddenly looked up to meet Emma's eyes but didn't say anything as usual. Emma almost stumbled back by the amount of hate she could see pouring out of her own mother's eyes, and what hurt her the most, was that she knew that all that hate was directed to her. 
"Don't call me your mother." Her mum said, venom dripping out of each word. Emma was used to hearing those words but it never failed to tear open one more of her wounds. Emma shook her head. 
"You're my blood mother, and I will never stop calling you that." Emma said looking back into the woman's eyes. 
It was like staring into a completely opposite mirror. Emma's eyes were filled with unbearable love for the woman in front of her that kept on hurting her over and over again while her mother's eyes were filled with clear hate that poured out like a never-ending flood. 
"Do you know why I choose this room?" Emma's mum asked, the darkness in her eyes only growing and reflecting itself through her voice. Emma didn't respond, she didn't want to know because she knew that it would be something against her. 
"I choose this room because this is the number you were when you're life was destroyed and made completely worthless by a man." Emma closed her eyes tightly, she knew it was going to come up, she knew her mother was going to bring up that day that she was raped, but it didn't reduce the pain, it didn't reduce the fact that her own mother celebrated the night that she was almost completely broken. 
A tear trickled down her eye as the memory came back, the feeling of helplessness and fear. She finally opened her eyes that were now bloodshot. 
"Why?" Emma asked, she knew the answer each time she asked, she just prayed that it would be a different one. 
"Because I regret ever having you as a daughter. You're a disgrace and you don't even deserve to be alive today. That man should not have only raped you, he should have saved me the stress and killed you too." 
The tears flowed down Emma's eyes like fountains of sorrow at each word that left her mother's lips. Her mother shook her head at her. 
"You're just an ugly mess and it pains my eyes to even look at you. Get out. You've paid your visit now leave." 
Emma turned and wiped the tears that flowed down her cheeks only increasing the flow. She took a deep breath and tried her best not to voice out her pain. 
Why me Lord? She questioned as she put on her hood and walked out the door, her head low. 
Why not you?