Chapter Three - It Hurts

                                    

                                          
Namjoon had been hurt before in his life. He'd been in pain a lot in his life. He'd birthed five sons, two by a C-section. He knew what pain was. He also knew emotional pain since he had lost a child before, a child between his twins and his new born. The child he lost was a little girl, she would of been his only girl and he was so happy that he was having a girl but at seventeen weeks he'd taken a tumble down a flight of stairs and lost his little princess. It had been heart braking and too painful to do deal with at the time and his current situation felt almost as bad, it was worse as well in some ways. 
Here he was, stood beside his husband, looking down at his premature infant. Jungkook was so tiny, smaller than his own hand, he was covered in wires and tubes, some keeping him alive and some monitoring his vital signs. He was being incubated and Namjoon couldn't help but think it looked like a clear coffin. He saw how fast his child's chest was moving and he tried desperately to breath enough to stay alive, his child had just been born and already he was fighting a challenge that most couldn't handle.
That wasn't the worst of it though. No the worst thing was that his child was crying and Namjoon and Jin couldn't do anything about it. They couldn't pick their son up and hold him close, they couldn't calm his cries and help him feel better. They could only watch and hold his hand through the small gaps in the incubator and hope that gave him enough strength to keep going and offer his child some form of comfort. 
When  he'd lost his little girl, it had killed Namjoon and hurt more than he could ever describe. It had felt like his heart was ripped out of his chest. It had been a pain unlike any other, the only thing that made this new situation that bit worse in some ways was the not knowing. He didn't know if Jungkook would survive this, he didn't know if when his boy fell asleep if he would wake up. He wasn't sure if when he had to leave the NICU and go back to his room if Jungkook would still be breathing upon is return.
He'd talked to the doctors and Do-Hee about what this all mean and what would happen from here onwards. He didn't know anything about premature births. So needless to say it was painful to hear the truth of what happened after this. Jungkook wouldn't be healthy enough to go home for about three month, up until his original due date if they were lucky and Jungkook even survived that long. The chances of him surviving was supposedly about a 70% chance of their child which was a rather reassuringly high number but the 30% was a terrifying them so much. What if their precious Jungkook was part of that 30%? 
Namjoon shook his head, he couldn't think that way. His new born would be part of that 70% and no one could tell him otherwise, if they tried to he wouldn't listen to them.
Jin smiled a  little bit down at his son as he felt the tiny hand wrap around his finger, "Hey baby." He said as he looked at their son, "You going to be fine aren't you sweetie?" He said and the sound of his voice seemed to sooth their child as the tears began to stop. "Do you recognise my voice?" Jin asked him as he smile, "I bet you do because I was always talking and singing to you when you were being too restless for your dada. That energy you spent being a pest for your dada is going to be used to stay alive now isn't sweetie, so you can come home one day and play with your older brother, am I right?" He asked, knowing he wouldn't get an answer but it was a comfort to himself to talk to Jungkook the way he did with his other children, as if nothing was wrong and it was stopping Jungkook from crying. They couldn't hold him yet so if hearing his voice was his only way to comfort Jungkook then he'd never stop talking to him.
Namjoon smiled a little bit at that, his husband always managed to cheer up their children and it was a beautiful sight to see. It also felt like a dagger through his heart to see that right now. It hurt to see something so bitter sweet. He loved listening to Jin talking to their children but it hurt to hear it when it was the only way Jin could comfort their, should be, little bundle of joy. He looked up and saw the time, it was only four in the afternoon but he knew Jin would have to leave soon to but Taehyung and Jimin in bed and Namjoon knew his doctors would want him back in bed soon, he was  told he needed to rest a lot because the early birth had taken a whole lot of energy out of him and if loses anymore energy he could get ill and if he was ill it would be to dangerous to be around Jungkook because if their little one got a cold now it could kill him. He needed to regain his own energy if he wanted to be there for his son.