Ch.32

                                    

                                          
Jordon He wondered if he should consider a different career path other than music when Brett Yang showed up outside his practice room for the third time this week.
                          
"RIP, my practice time." Jordon sighed at the piano.
                          
"Say what?" 
                          
"Oh, I said...why can't you just tell Eddy how you feel?" Jordon felt like he has been repeating the exact same question for a million times. "Also when are you going to pay off your consultation bill?"
                          
"Oh shut up, Jordon." Brett groaned while lying on the floor with his deadpan face.
                          
The fact that he was occupying a practice room without practicing and using his violin case as a pillow was a bit sacrilegious. But he just did not care at this moment. 
                          
Brett has never felt so unsure and panicking before. And he really has no one to go to except for Jordon as his only friend who is aware of he and Eddy's relationship.
                          
Yeah. Relationship, not friendship. Not anymore. Brett Yang's world had changed a lot since Eddy Chen entered his life.
                          
Brett used to believe that being 'good enough' was his only way to compete with his siblings and peers, make his parents proud, and even make his life meaningful. And when things did not go as expected, he doubted his own value and questioned his efforts. 
                          
I will always be the forgotten one in the family. I am not good enough to deserve anything I want. 

                          
Then here comes Eddy Chen. A tiny, shimmering star that always lightens Brett's mood with his contagious laughter and silly jokes. Since the day they met, Brett knew that this is going to be the man who can easily make his heart sing or break it into pieces for the rest of his life. 
                          
"I just want you to know that you are important to me and I will always remember you...You matter a lot to me, Brett."

                          
And Brett just allowed it to happen. He let Eddy steal his heart away at the moment Eddy told him (with his illegally cute puppy eyes) that he will always remember Brett regardless of his achievements or mistakes.
                          
After years of being rejected by others (and even himself), Brett feels needed. And for the first time, he matters to someone else. 
                          
He doesn't have to be 'good enough' to ask for Eddy's support and care. Eddy appreciates the way Brett is, recognizes his strengths that nobody has noticed, and dares to challenge those feelings that Brett was too scared to face.
                          
Eddy's love is like the warmest and vastest ocean that embraces Brett while giving him the freedom to explore.  
                          
So Brett changed himself for him. He wanted to become a better person: a trustworthy friend, a supportive partner, a world class soloist, someone that deserves Eddy. He felt motivated and inspired because he was finally able to set his own goal and felt genuinely committed to it. 
                          
And Brett could not be more excited to start his music career at the Queensland Conservatorium within a couple months.
                          
Even though every inch of his skin was yelling that he does NOT want to be far away from Eddy for at least a whole year. 
                          
Why do I have to choose between music and Eddy? Why can't I choose both...
                          
***
                          
The piano slam finally brought Brett back from the sea of thoughts.
                          
"Sorry. I spaced out."
                          
"I could tell." Jordon put his phone away after checking texts. 
                          
"Where were we again...?"
                          
"I said maybe we can practice telling your Eddy bae how scared you feel about leaving him and moving to uni." said Jordon dramatically. 
                          
"I can't!" Brett sighed and covered his face desperately. 
                          
"Why?"
                          
"I don't really know what to say or how to say this without hurting his feelings."
                          
"What do you want to say to him?"
                          
Oh jeez. Jordon is really pushing for it, isn't he?
                          
"I don't know...this guilty feeling of prioritizing music uni over him? I know it seems like I choose to leave to pursue music but it doesn't mean that music is more important than him. It's just..." Brett struggled "I've been wanting to go to uni and play violin professionally for so long. But I'd hate to ruin our relationship by leaving Eddy. This is so damn difficult."
                          
"Hm, what's making it so difficult?" Jordon asked in a more serious tone.
                          
"Maybe I feel too selfish to ask him to wait for me? I am the one that's leaving and he's the one staying and waiting for me to come visit. And I don't know the schedule yet so I can't even make plans on which weekend to come back and see him..." Brett sighed as he kept rambling. "I just don't know if this is worth it for him, and I don't want to waste his time if things don't work out."
                          
And I really want this to work out...
                          
"But you love him, don't you?" Jordon softened his gaze.
                          
"Of course I do!" Brett did not hesitate for a second before responding. "I love Eddy and I'm willing to do anything for him. But I shouldn't ask him to do the same for me as that'd be selfish as hell!"
                          
"But what if I'm also willing to do anything for you because I love you so much?"
                          
Brett almost fainted when Eddy suddenly opened the door and walked in the practice room. 
                          
"...I thought you said we were just practicing." Brett sat up and turned to Jordon.
                          
"I'm just making it more real for you. Just like musicians need real performance experiences to improve their skills."
                          
"You will for sure lose your license for breaking confidentiality like this if you were a real counselor." Brett complained. He felt too embarrassed to look at Eddy who must have overheard everything.

                          
"You don't know anything about couple counseling, do you?" Jordon chuckled as he began to gather his sheet music and leave the room.
                          
"I don't know if surprising your client with his partner in couple counseling is okay but whatever." Eddy frowned but his tone sounded amused. 
                          
 "Whatever. And as your counselor, I suggest that you practice 40 hours of communication with your partner. Enjoy!" 
                          
Is it too late to sign up for a Relationship 101 class? Oh man.

                          
Brett swore that he will do all the extra credits to nail the class as long as he can survive this upcoming relationship talk with Eddy.
                          


                          


                          
TBC.