The Unavoidable Confrontation

                                    

                                          
Being one out of five kids was exhausting. There were pros and cons that they all had to deal with. Lee Henry, Luke, and Annabelle got new clothes, Lee Henry because he was the oldest, Luke because hand me downs were too worn when they got to him, and Annabelle because she was the only girl. Kenny, Luke, Max, and Annabelle got away with pretty much everything because they didn't have to set an example (and the only times they did get in trouble usually had more to with a bad call their dad had than anything else). Kenny was unintentionally favoured by their dad more because he has made it very clear he wants to be a firefighter like his dad. Max was favoured by their mom because of his traumatic birth. Kenny, Luke, and Max were closer because Lee Henry was the firstborn and not only had Cindy and Christopher decided to wait a few years before having more kids but also because he had to be the responsible older brother/third parent most of the time, his parents hadn't intended for that to happen and they felt guilty about it sometimes, but they needed his help and made sure he got at least an hour of free time (this didn't include homework or chores) a day. Annabelle felt left out frequently because she was the only girl and while she didn't fit the girly girl mould, she just didn't share a lot of interests or societal problems with her brothers. So the Hermann's were their own unique brand of love and chaos, and they were alright with that. 
                          
Lee Henry had gotten a part-time job for Friday nights and weekends as a lifeguard. People liked to joke that lifesaving ran in the family, but that wasn't the case. Lee didn't want to ever rush into a burning building, he never wanted to let worry and fear linger over his family's heads day after day. Wondering if every unexpected knock on the door or phone call was a death notice or call to the hospital. He didn't resent his dad for his career, but it had affected a lot of his life choices. The reason he became a lifeguard was because when he was 10, almost 11, his dad fell through the floor of a burning building.
                          
He remembers the phone ringing, wondering if it was Susan from his granna's quilting club, or Kraken (Karen) from the PTA. His mom answered with a cheerful hello but when she made no other noise and the room suddenly felt thick, he looked up, and he saw his mom's face. She had gotten so pale he could see her veins, her eyes were wet and had sunken in, her mouth moving like she was screaming so loud it would shatter windows but nothing was coming out, and then she collapsed. Her knees just gave out underneath her. Lee jumped up to try and keep his mom from falling on the floor. He was too weak to catch her so they landed together on the hardwood together with a thump. She still couldn't say anything, she started shaking, so Lee grabbed the phone. "-Ms. Hermann? Are you still there? Did you hear me? Your husband fell through the floor of a burning building, he's on transport to the hospital-"
                          
"In ambulance sixty-one?"
                          
"... I'm sorry who am I speaking to?"
                          
"Lee Henry Hermann, son of Christopher and Cindy Hermann. Is my dad being taken to the hospital in ambulance sixty-one?"
                          
"Yes, but I should really-"
                          
"Which hospital?"
                          
"Lakeshore medical centre, I should really speak to-"
                          
"We're on our way." He hung up, remembering the words his dad has said to him a thousand times, 'if you're in a dangerous situation do everything you can to stay calm, you can make things worse if you panic'. "Hello, yellow taxi? I need a cab to take five people, one adult and four kids, to Lakeshore medical centre. My Dad got hurt and mom can't speak." It was a flurry of running and car seats and firefighter turn out gear that wasn't his dad's. That wasn't cool anymore. That he couldn't stand to look at or smell. So when no one was looking he got up and, calmly, walked to a closet. He walked inside, closed the door, and let it all out. He cried, muffled his screams with his forearms. He ruthlessly scratched his arms, and hit himself. In the head, chest, thighs, feet. He knew right then, from the look on his mother's face, from the grimness behind uncle Randy's eyes, from the tearing feeling in his chest, he could never do it. He could never be a firefighter.