we knew someday

                                    

                                          
My love,
                          
This day is long.
                          
But it will all be okay in the end.
                          


                          
My ribs ached. My cheek wet with my own blood. My head was heavy. All familiar signs of life.
                          
I sucked in a breath and focused on getting my wits about me. I needed to be able to get out of here.
                          
I forced myself to open my eyes, the heaviness of them due to the dried blood on them. A quick glance around the room told me that Benji and Brandt had made it. They would finish the mission. I could count on them.
                          
I wasn't tied up, so my enemies were confident in their abilities to keep me in this room. The room was empty. The large metal door, most likely locked, was the only distinguishing feature.
                          
The fight that had led to my captivity here had knocked me out. But I had fought for long enough. I was the distraction. My friends had counted on me putting up a fight.
                          
I pushed to my feet, hissing at the ache in my ribs. "Benji, can you hear me?"
                          
The silence told me that the coms were down. I was on my own. I'd have to rescue myself.
                          
Moving around the room, my mind was searching for a plausible way out. The door had steady hinges on it. Those probably wouldn't come out any time soon.
                          
There was nothing in the room to use as a weapon or a tool to get me out.
                          
The pain in my ribs told me that I needed to rest a moment. I needed to trust Brandt and Benji to get the job done. Slowly, I lowered myself down to the floor.
                          
And I couldn't help but let myself drift to Jemma. I had forced myself to keep my mind off her. I stayed busy to not picture her face. Going on impossible missions and coming out alive distracted me from calling her back.
                          
I couldn't be around her right now. Not when all I saw was my three sweet kids. Kids who were no longer breathing cause of me. I saw the future that she should have had. A future where she was safe and happy. Whole. I couldn't see the good years. I couldn't see the good days. All I saw where the mistakes I made with my family.
                          
I should have done so many things differently.
                          
My eyes slid shut as the dreaded regret filled me. I regret so much in my life. Could I bring myself to regret marrying Jemma?  Should I have married her those eight years ago?
                          
I don't regret Finn. Or Marianne. Or Delia. Or Remy. I could never regret them. They were the best things ever.
                          
But shouldn't they be alive right now? Remy is clinging to life in a hospital room right now. Jemma should be smiling with her kids. They should be happy together.
                          
And when the day came to a close, it was my fault that we were torn. Nothing could change that. That bomb was meant for me.
                          
It should have been me.
                          
And that will haunt me forever.