26. August 2019.

                                    

                                          
 I was alone today. There was me, me and my best pal, the bag. I remember one day when I was hitting the bag with gloves on and when I took them off and I turned to him saying how I should hit the bag with bare hands, he jumped "No, no, don't do that." Will is really sweet but he's the reason I'm feeling like this. It makes me angry, this, whole thing with Will it just makes me angry, disappointed but mostly angry and then I have to go punch the bag, as I get angrier I hit harder but I don't use my head, I don't hit correctly and that's why I sometimes hurt my wrist. That's how I learned to use my head, to think before I punch. Sometimes everything just piles up in my head, in my heart and all the anger, all the madness I let it out when I punch the bag, it's better to do that than to let it out on the people around you. I get hurt, it shows how much I am hurt and I want everyone to see that. Why do we have to hide our pain? Where does that take us? Keeping it all inside, hiding it, that's not good but then I understand if you don't have that one person who you can confide to, I understand but you got to understand me when I say that's not good to pile up your emotions. Look at me for example, I'm a walking time bomb but this bomb explodes only when it's no one's around, I found my vent and I am using it from time to time.
                          
	I was thinking about how this training thing is just a reason to see him, how this is the only time I get to see him and I don't like that. I feel like if I would stop training that we wouldn't be seeing each other often as we are now. I would want to meet sometimes as friends of course but would he be interested or am I just a burden that he needs to get rid of? This problem is mine. The problem is that I love him and that I miss him every day and I can't do anything about it. I haven't seen him for seven days, seven days! I get it maybe I'm high maintenance, maybe I'm wanting too much attention but I'm not asking for much. We go out like once in three months, ok let's say four but tell me is that ok? Do I have to wait another four months to pass so we can go for a cup of coffee? Ok, I get it, I'm asking for too much, a cup of coffee is too much and I won't even mention dinner, that's a freaking no way. saying sarcastically