10. December 2018.

                                    

                                          
 You know when you plan something, you count on doing it or having it and you know you have that thing but then something or someone happens. This time it's something, I was supposed to be training today but no my body decided not to, it decided for my period to come earlier, I got it this morning. I got it two days earlier which is always good but it's not good when it changes your plans. I wanted to see Will today. I was so excited to see him and I wanted to go but my first day is always not good and on my first day I am moody and cranky and I have no patience, it's like menopause or maybe it's a full moon for me. One day a month I only have one mood, that day is when I get irritated by every single thing. The crankiness has begun yesterday, my patience was gone when I was with my grandma and her new phone. She just couldn't remember one simple thing. 
                          
I texted Will to tell him that I need to do easy today and to avoid the mat just for today. I told him it's that day of the month and it's a bit uncomfortable. He saw the text right away but he replied a bit later. "You should skip today, get some rest." Somehow I didn't hear the text when it came so I replied thirty minutes later. It was sweet of him. I know that it was better not to do the training today but I still wanted to see him, to talk to him. I missed him, a lot. I wish we could text frequently. I wanted to text him a moment ago but luckily he wasn't online. I miss him. I miss him like a friend? I hate that word. I don't know, I don't think so. When he texted me this morning there was only one thought on my mind which I don't think I would have if I was thinking of him as a friend. Yuck! I don't know why but in my mind was just like when Bart was writing on a chalkboard some line. The line in my head was 'I love you'. I wanted to say it out loud but I was scared and I thought it is stupid. I don't love him. I can't love him. This can't be love, he has a girlfriend. How can I? Nothing happened between us. How can I really?