Nineteen: Miriam

                                    

                                          
I was supposed to be eating but instead I pushed my food around with my fork. Jamilah had been sending me concerned looks but saying nothing. I didn't say much these days, it was not like I was chatty or anything of the sort, but it became more noticeable that I just didn't want to talk. I guessed it was the reason she just looked at me without saying anything.
                          
"Jamilah, I wanted to ask. How long have you been living with Jide?"
                          
She looked at me, if she was surprised, she was hiding it well.
                          
"Three years now, why'd you ask?"
                          
I looked down.
                          
"Does he behave like this all the time?"
                          
"How exactly do you mean?"
                          
Cold and stubborn.
                          
"Guarded."
                          
She looked away. I could tell she was already getting used to his behavior. I didn't even think she knew he drank. I had been taking time to check if he still drank. Each time my mind created a drunk image of him, I was always scared. It ate me up.
                          
"Come on Jamilah, you know he doesn't spend that much time at home anymore."
                          
Home.
                          
"He's just working, that's all.", she said quietly.
                          
Before I could say anything else, she stood up and went to the room. I groaned loudly. Why were people in this house so dramatic?
                          
~~~
                          
My eyes slowly opened as I felt my throat go dry. Sitting was harder than opening my eyes but I did it anyways.
                          
I didn't want to wake Jamilah so I didn't bother putting on the light as I slowly and quietly made my way to the door.
                          
Just as I got closer to the sitting room, I heard voices and I froze. The sitting room was softly illuminated with the light bulbs, they didn't put them all on.
                          
"You can't assure her of her safety Jide, you can't keep playing the hero. He's right. You can't make the same mistake again."
                          
That was Jamilah's voice, so she wasn't even in the room.
                          
Her voice was soft, as usual. I peeked at them. She stood folding her arms and looking at Jide. She didn't have her hijab on, allowing her beautiful long jet black hair to cascade down her neck and stop shortly above her elbows.
                          
Jide on the other hand was on the couch beside her, his elbows on his knees and his head buried in his hands. His work clothes looked everything less than arranged and there was that hint of frustration.
                          
"I should have known you wouldn't approve.", his voice came out low.
                          
"Jide, this isn't about you anymore. This could be the second best advice I'm giving you. I care about her too."
                          
"I need a drink."
                          
Jamilah changed her stance. She unfolded her arms and let them hang at either side of her. She had a look I had never seen on her face before, like she could do more than anybody thought she could. She looked almost... intimidating.
                          
"Don't tell me you went back to drinking, didn't you learn anything?"
                          
"What do you want me to do next Jamilah? Walk in there and frighten Miriam with what's going on right now? I'm confused and I need to calm down.", he raised his voice a little and it made me wonder what kind of argument they were having, what was it all about and why did it involve me?
                          
Jamilah was silent and she moved closer to him and held his shoulder.
                          
"Do you think this is heaven's way of punishing me after what happened to Pelu?", I almost didn't hear him say it.
                          
Wait, who was Pelu?
                          
There was something that shook Jamilah at the mention of the name.
                          
"Did you think I forgot?", he looked at Jamilah, "The pain was too much. I still feel guilty and anytime Miriam gives me that look of fear, I'd feel it once more like I was back there, I'd hear her voice in my head and the guilt becomes worse. It makes me feel powerless. I can't risk Miriam going through everything."
                          
He let out a shaky breath, this was one of the second time I had seen him anything close to vulnerable, but I couldn't help the cold feeling that squeezed my heart and ran in my veins, I couldn't help but feel scared.
                          
"Jide, listen to me. You have to forgive yourself, or you won't be able to protect Miriam."
                          
He laid back into the chair and let out a small mirthless laughter. I was both scared and worried. She sighed.
                          
"Jide, don't you think she at least deserves to know the truth?"
                          
"She can't. She's much safer knowing less."
                          
Jamilah sat beside him and he grabbed her and hugged her tightly, she returned it.
                          
"Jamilah, there's something I've been trying to hide, but I can't anymore, I can't deal with the feeling anymore. I think... I think I'm falling for Miriam and it's one of the most scary things tormenting me so far. I hate it.", his voice was low but I heard it.
                          
My head spun and I had to lean on the door post. My feet felt heavy and I could barely move.
                          
I think I'm falling for Miriam...
                          
The sentence repeated itself over and over in my head and it caused a sharp pain in there. I just couldn't take what I heard, I was about to panic. I needed to get back into bed, I had heard too much.
                          
I managed to drag myself to the bed, it was a slow and dreadful process. Finally, I got to the bed and slumped on it.
                          
I needed strength, I couldn't believe what I heard and didn't know how to act towards it.
                          
After what seemed like an eternity, Jamilah silently entered the room. She laid on her bed and remained still. I couldn't tell if she was asleep or not. I couldn't sleep, not after what I heard.
                          
I think I'm falling for Miriam...
                          
I kept hearing it again and again. I didn't even know it was something I would dread so much, that it would scare me. It just didn't make sense. I couldn't tell if it was a good thing or a bad thing.
                          
But deep down, a part of me kept saying words I didn't want to utter.
                          
I think I'm falling for you too, Jide.
                          
Now, that scared me the most, it was the last thing I needed now.
                          
~~~
                          
Author's note: Miriam is probably loosing her mind right now 😔
                          
But now he has said it and she has said it and you know it. It's a phase.
                          
Anyways, I'm pushing in chapters and I still need that support. Please please please, I think I also need to stress on being interactive, I want to know that I'm not writing gibberish and nonsense because sometimes I do honestly feel like deleting the book.
                          
Anyways, thank you so far 100  votes is a nice start 😌
                          
Still, much love from your girl 😘
And stay safe 😉