Chapter 97 - Wrong Turns

                                    

                                          
■Previous Chapters: 73, 71, 68, 48, 46, 5, 2, 1
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"That was about two minutes, Nik," Tommy says, licking his lips clean.
                          
"What can I say. I missed you. It's been too long for us. And I'm sorry, that was my fault," Nikki responds, as Nikki pulls his pants back up.
                          
Tommy smiles. "Can I share something with you, Nikki?" Tommy says, backing himself up against the bed. "Do you mind if I smoke in here?"
                          
"Go ahead, on both counts," Nikki says, feeling a little uneasy about what Tommy wants to tell him.
                          
Tommy pulls a cigarette out and lights it, enjoying a few drags before speaking again. "You know, I do miss my wife. When we're together, we have a great time. It feels good. But, when I'm here with you, I don't really miss her that much. I'm not sure if I miss her at all sometimes..... I just want to be here. I wasn't itching to go home. Vince was nagging me about it."
                          
"I'm not trying to make things difficult for you," Nikki says, not sure what Tommy is getting at.
                          
"I know. I'm just trying to figure out what this means. When I'm with her, it's good. But I can never get you out of my thoughts. I guess it's why I was going out of my mind back home. Things were unresolved up here, and I couldn't talk with you, and I started freaking out. Not just because I wasn't sure what you wanted in regard to us, but I was troubled by much you occupied my mind. I mean, there I was, with my beautiful, sexy wife, and I just couldn't stop thinking about you. What does that mean? It scared me in somes ways. Like maybe......" Tommy trails off, focusing on his Marlboro.
                          
"Tommy, I can't fill in the blanks for you. And I won't. You need to figure this out for yourself. I know what you want to say, but it's not my place to pull you in one direction over the other.... Because I don't ever want to feel responsible for the undoing of things in your life. Does that make sense?"
                          
"It's just that I have no one else to talk to about this. No one. I know you write in journals and sort shit out that way. I don't. I'm a talker. That leaves it all up to me to work out in my head, and look what happens. I fuck it up. I went the safe route," Tommy says, taking a final drag from his cigarette. "Why, I don't know. You know I'm never one to err on the side of caution."
                          
"Falling in and out of love. It happens a lot; to everyone. Enough that I wrote a song with Lita titled that. Her new album is out. The song is on it. Have you heard it?" Nikki asks.
                          
"Not yet. Will it help me if I listen?"
                          
"Maybe, T," Nikki smiles. "Listen," the bassist says, placing his hands on Tommy's shoulders. "I want you to know that......  I've fallen in love with you. I know I've told you that I love you, but I'm not sure if I ever said it like that. You make my days brighter, and knowing what it feels like to be loved back by someone is the biggest rush I've ever felt. Well, maybe that, and playing in front of 275,000 people at the US Festival," Nikki smirks. "But I still freak out too. There's so many unknowns going forward, and some of them, not easy going this route. In fact, terrifying. I think about things, like wanting to be a dad someday. I want to show that I can break the cycle. I can love my kids the way a father should. I want that. And I'll make it happen someday. I don't know how at this point, but it doesn't matter. I don't want to waste time worrying about tomorrow, when I know what I have today..... The best advice I can give, T, is to follow your heart, and live it one day at a time. I know you like resolution and plans, and shit. But not only will you miss the small moments at times, you might take a completely wrong turn."
                          
"Like I did before," Tommy says, looking down.
                          
"You can vent to me and talk to me. I just can't help you with your decisions. I can only offer advice to help you put things into perspective."
                          
"Thank you..... love."
                          
Nikki pulls Tommy onto for an embrace.
                          
"Do you know why I call you my love?.... It's been the one thing that I've been 100% sure about. I mean it, everytime I say it. It's the only word that comes to mind. My true love," Tommy says, reaching up for Nikki's lips.
                          
END
                          
■Previous Chapters: 73, 71, 68, 48, 46, 5, 2, 1