Day 5 - All To Myself

                                    

                                          
James sat in his office, trying to finish his editing but his mind kept drifting off to the same thing, or person. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he had a crush on one of his co-workers, one of his friends. And he knew for the a fact that the object of his affection didn't feel the same way, so he kept it a secret for only himself to cherish and daydream about. Giving up on trying to concentrate, James went out to the break room to grab a snack. After he got what he wanted James went to leave but couldn't when he saw Seamus blocking the only exit.
                          
"Hey James, can we talk?"
                          
"Uh, sure. Why?"
                          
"Can we go somewhere else first? This is kind of important and I don't want anyone else hearing it right now."
                          
"Okay."
                          
James' heart caught in his throat, nervous about what his crush wanted to talk to him, and only him, about. James followed Seamus to his office and took a seat while Seamus closed the door.
                          
"So, what do you need to talk about?" James opened his water, trying to seem as calm and normal as possible.
                          
"Well, it's about Ash and I."
                          
James felt his heart skip a beat.
                          
"I don't really like how things are with us right now, and, I've been thinking that...."
                          
"That what?" James couldn't believe it. Was he about to finally get his chance to a least tell Seamus how he felt without being turned down because he was with someone?
                          
"That I want to propose to her."
                          
James' world shattered at the words. Now he was never going to have a chance, not like he did before. But still, this just added insult to injury.
                          
"What?"
                          
"I think I want to marry her James."
                          
Each word was like a stab to his heart. He knew his was about to break down and wanted to do it in private.
                          
"Congratulations," was all he said before quickly going to his office and locking the door.
                          
He slid down the wall with tears streaking down his cheeks. Seamus was going to propose to Ash, she was going to say yes and then they would get married. James pulled his knees to his chest and quietly sobbed as Seamus' words repeated in his head over and over again.
                          
James' head popped up when there was a knock on the door followed by someone trying to open it.
                          
"James, what's wrong?" Seamus asked from the hall.
                          
"Nothing, don't worry about me. Just go and be happy." James tried to keep his voice steady about he sobbed on the last part.
                          
"James, let me in now before I get the key from Jordan and force myself in."
                          
Knowing he wasn't lying, James reached up and unlocked the door. He hid his face just as Seamus came in and shut the door.
                          
"James, what's wrong?" He said again.
                          
"I told you, nothing." James kept his head down.
                          
Seamus sat down beside him and put his hand on his shoulder.
                          
"James, look at me."
                          
James just shook his head like a stubborn child. Seamus didn't know it but James wanted to look at him, he wanted to look him in the eyes and tell him the secret he has had for years now.
                          
"James, please."
                          
James couldn't stand to ignore Seamus like that anymore and raised his tear stained face.
                          
"Good, now are you going to tell me what's wrong or do I have to force it out of you?"
                          
"I told you, it's nothing. You should be happy, not worrying about me."
                          
"I can't be happy knowing you sad. Now tell why you're like this so I can try and help you."
                          
"Fine. It's you Seamus, you're the reason why I'm like this."
                          
"What?"
                          
"You take me into your god damned office and start off like you're going to tell me that you and Ash broke up, but instead you say you want to marry her? You don't understand how much that killed me. Or how much it kills me to hear you even talk about her."
                          
"I don't understand, why would-"
                          
"Because I love you Seamus. I have since I fucking met you. But now you want to marry her so I might as well tell you, not like it will make any difference."
                          
Seamus didn't know what to say. He felt guilty for all the pain he caused him because he was with Ash. James started to sob again, thinking he had just lost his best friend.
                          
"Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why wait?"
                          
"Because I didn't think you would even like me. So I settled for being your friend when I knew I wouldn't get to have you as anything more than a friend and now I probably lost that too."
                          
"No you didn't James," Seamus said after he pulled James into a hug. "No matter what you'll always be my best friend"
                          
James sobbed harder. Great, friend zoned. Just what would make him feel better. Caught up in his self pitty, James didn't notice Seamus had lifted his face up to his.
                          
"Don't cry James."
                          
"Why shouldn't I?"
                          
"I'll give you a reason."
                          
Seamus leaned forward and pressed his lips to James'. Neither moved at first. Seamus was nervous and unsure while James was in shock and didn't want to scare off Seamus if he went too far. Finally, they both started to move their lips against the other's. James slowly pulled Seamus into his lap and loosely wrapped his arms around his waist. Seamus moved his hands to James' shoulders. After staying like that for longer than the two knew, Seamus pulled back slightly so they could catch their breath.
                          
"Was that your reason?" James asked.
                          
"No, this is." Seamus looked him in the eyes. "What if I told you I was too afraid to come out until now?"
                          
"What about Ash? I thought you loved her."
                          
"Hey I'm not the only guy to do lie about being straight and I won't be the last. Besides it would be worse to marry her and then come out."
                          
"Yeah, but now what?"
                          
Seamus reached up and locked the door. "Now you have me all to yourself."