Chapter 99

                                    

                                          


                          
James drove up to the hills until we were alone and isolated on top, from where we could see the whole city. He knew I loved it there, and I was glad he chose that place because I needed somewhere quiet. I got out of the car and sat on it looking down. James placed himself by my side.
                          
"Feeling better?" He asked me as I cleaned my then swollen eyes.
                          
"They must hate me right now." I said. "How could I just do that to them?"
                          
"Tomorrow, you're gonna call Belle and you're gonna apologize, she will understand." He said.
                          
"I feel so awful right now." I whimpered again and he pulled me closer to him. It felt good that moment to have his arms around me and his support. "I'm sorry." I said.
                          
"What for?"
                          
"For everything that has been happening. I don't want you to have doubts." I explained.
                          
"It is a bit hard when you run to him to talk when you can talk to me. Why do you do that? Help me understand. My head is a mess babe..." He said. There we were, having a quiet and serious conversation without yelling or accusing each other.
                          
"It seems easier to talk to him." I simply said. "I don't know how to explain this."
                          
"That hurts me." He said.
                          
"And I am sorry. But I don't want you to have wrong ideas in your head." James stepped in front of me and grabbed my face between his hands, making me look in his eyes.
                          
"Will you go to therapy?" He asked. "I am begging you Andrea, will you, please, go to therapy?"
                          
"I can't do that...I refuse to do that." I said.
                          
"Why? When you asked me, I went there, for you. Why can't you do this for me? It's so obvious that you're struggling with what happened. Now that I am asking you to do this for us, you should also do it."
                          
"Are you going to leave me?" I asked him looking into the blue of his eyes.
                          
"No, I don't want to, but babe you're doing things so hard. You got me desperate here. First I felt like I had to bring you back to our family you know? Because you were so far away, even from the kids...but now, I feel like you're only pushing me away from you, and that makes me think. I am terrified of the fact that you found out you don't love me anymore or that you fell out of love meanwhile, but you say you love me, so please...let's work it out babe...please..." He kissed my lips tenderly and it felt right, but then it also felt right when Joe held my hand or played with my hair. I pulled away, shocked by the comparison that assaulted my head. "See..." He said so broken. I stepped forward and pulled my hair back.
                          
"I am confused..." I confessed.
                          
"Oh God..." He cried and I walked up to him.
                          
"It's not confused in the way you're thinking." I pulled his head up. "I love you; I don't have doubts, or I am confused about that, but I do like to be around him and that is what is confusing me." I explained.
                          
"Then you need to stay away from him!" He asked me. "One day you're gonna realize he's more important in your life than I am, and Andrea...I don't want that. I love you."
                          
"No." I said firmly.
                          
"You don't know that. You're fragile...vulnerable...you might do something that is gonna damage our relationship. You can't do that to us babe, we have so much and still can accomplish so much. Does it feel good when I kiss your lips? When I hold you?" James sounded so desperate that moment that I blamed myself mentally time and time again.
                          
"Of course it feels good, even when you came after me at the restaurant it felt so good." I cried and then I came to him and pulled him closer to me. I held him tight and he did the same. "It feels good, it feels good..." I said, and I was being honest, that came from my heart.