ch.4

                                    

                                          
Pov. Peter 
When we get to stark tower, we walk right past security. We get into the elevator and go up to a floor I've never been on before.
                          
The doors open and we step into mr.starks pent house. "I'm not going make you talk about it if you don't want to." Mr.stark says, walking over and sitting on the couch.
                          
"Mr.stark, what was the real reason you wanted me to spend the night?" I ask. "well, the rest of the avengers are going to be coming over tomorrow, and I want to introduce you to them." He says.
                          
I don't know what to say, so I do t say anything. "I should probably show you where your room is!" He says, standing up. "follow me" he says.
                          
We walk down the hall and he opens a door. "here you go, its not much but it's comfortable." He says. "thank you mr.stark!" I say, walking in and putting my bag down.
                          
"well, its getting kind of late, so I'm going to check in for the night." He says before leaveing the room.
                          
I close the door and lay down on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. I can't believe this is real. I start day dreaming, but it quickly turns into intrusive thoughts and what if's.
                          
I can feel the anxiety building up slowly, but I don't know how to stop it, until I remember the pills. I reach into my bag and take them out.
                          
I read the label. 
                          
Stacy parker
Peter^
Take one by mouth when needed for anxiety.
28mg per tablet.
                          
I stop for a moment and stare at the place where I scratched out my deadname, and wrote Peter in black sharpie.
                          
I open the bottle and take out a pill. I hesitate, I guess I was waiting for someone to stop me but, I don't know why. After all, these were prescribed to me.
                          
I hear what sounds like the elevator ding. I ignore it and reach for my water cup. I take the pill, but it doesn't do anything. I take another, and another, and one more just to be sure. Still, nothing.
                          
I realize what just happened, and feel my breath start to get heavier. I drink more water, thinking that will help. I decide to ask if anyone instacookie knows what I should do. That went about as well as you would expect.
                          
"Attention whore" "why don't you just take them all" "take them all" "stop looking for attention" "if you want someone to talk you down, it won't happen" "I fucking hate it when people post shit for attention" "go throw up, Maybe you'll lose some weight too!"
                          
I decide that the last one might not be that bad of an idea. I get up and find my way to the bathroom. I lean over the toilet and make myself puke.
                          
My hand brushes against the ace wrap around my chest, and my mood sinks even deeper than I thought it could. I suddenly remeber the first thing flash said to me after I came out to everyone.
                          
"why don't you just kill yourself? Maybe you'll look like whoever the fuck you're pretending to be in the afterlife."
                          
I hear a knock at the bathroom door. "Peter? Are you ok? Do you want me to bring you a glass of water?" Mr.stark says. "no! I just ate something weird, I'm ok!" I say, lying as best as I can. "ok. Well if you need anything, I'm right next to the bathroom." He says.
                          
I stand up and look in the mirror. I stare at myself, looking at every bruise and every cut, not all of them from myself.
                          
I hear someone knock on the door over, and I jump a little. "tony? Sorry I got here so late, you awake?" I hear someone say. I can't quite figure out who it is.
                          
I hear Mr.stark open his door. "oh, hey cap, hey bucky. What's up." He asks. "what room are we staying in? I'm ready to go to bed." I hear someone else say. "oh, it's that one right there" Mr.stark says.