Chapter 23

                                    

                                          
Jesy POV:
                          
I open my eyes and look around. The last thing I remember was lying on Chris chest and now I'm in my bed and he is next to me. What time is it even? 2am. Great. I carefully sit up and look around. I felt weird. Like the demons in my head were sitting straight on my shoulders laughing at me crumbling under their weight. I felt the urge to cut again. Without thinking I get up and go into the bathroom quietly and lock myself there. Ah fuck I flushed the blade... I take some extra blades for my razor and carefully take the three shiny metal slices in my hand. Two of them I hide in an empty lipstick and the other behind the panel. I leave the third in my hand looking at it. I sink down to the bottom with my knees to my chest and look at the blade... is it really worth it? I hear the demons laughing at me and talking to me ‚Do it! Cut yourself!' ,You deserve the pain!' ,Chris doesn't love you. He only pretends to do so!' ,You're a nobody!' I feel tears streaming down my cheeks and guide the blade to my wrist. I close my eyes, press onto it and let the blade slice through my skin, followed by a sting and the relieving feeling of blood running down my arm. I didn't wince this time, I actually enjoyed it... I repeat this a few more times. It was like I pushed auto-pilot. I didn't care how much and how deep I cut... I just longed for the stinging pain and the blood afterwards and the feeling to forget everything around me and to feel something for a short time. I breathe out and look at my arm. I drop the blade and gasp. Oh no no no. Fuck... what did I do? I started panicking and hyperventilating. I got up on unsteady legs, unlocked the door and stumbled into the bedroom. There I felt dizzy and whispered out a faint „Chris... help" and dropped to the floor.
                          
Chris POV:
                          
I was shaken awake by a loud thud. I snapped up and felt no Jesy next to me. I turned on the light and saw our door open „Jess?" I got up and saw her on the floor „Shit... Jess!" I stumbled to her and saw her wrist was covered in very deep cuts. I felt tears in my eyes and shook her body „Jess baby wake up..." She opened her eyes slowly „Baby what happened?" I carefully pulled her on my lap and stroked her hair „Chris... I'm sorry..." I knew what she did, I mean I saw it „It's okay baby..." I let my tears fall and kiss her head „Why Jess?" „I can't..." „Baby it's okay I got you." I carefully pick her up and lay her on the bed. I go into the bathroom and a sob escapes my lips. Blood everywhere... the floor, the sink, the door... god this looks like a crime scene. Taking a deep, shaky breath I take the first aid kit and go back to Jesy. I had to be careful since she also bled a little on the floor and I don't want to slip and smash my head. She sits up and doesn't want to look in my face. I put down the kit and put two fingers under her chin and make her look at me. My heart aches at the view... I can't see her cry like this. I gently rub her cheeks with my other hand and wipe away her tears „It's okay baby...I'll clean your wounds now okay?" she nodds and I give her a kiss on the forehead. I sit down and take her wrist carefully on my lap not caring if she's bleeding on my legs. I spray sanitizer on them making her whine „It'll be okay baby you're doing great darling." I dab them carefully and put a bandage around them. When I finish I pull her on my lap and stroke her back „It's okay babygirl I got you." she starts sobbing again. This sound pains me so much. I bite my lip to hold back tears and stroke her hair and rock her back and forth again „You're okay baby... it's okay let it out. Take your time." After a few minutes she calms down and gets up from my lap and looks at me tearing up again, opening her mouth to speak but closing it again. I put a hand on her shoulder „We can talk whenever you feel comfortable okay? Now I suggest we'll get some rest okay? Will you be okay with this baby?" she nodds and lays down and immediately falls alseep. Poor girl. It was 2:30am and I was wide awake. I don't really want to and can't get back to sleep. I carefully lay down next to her and unlock my phone. Shall I text Jade? Yea I think it would be for better.
                          
From Chris: Jade you awake?
                          
From Jade: Now yes... hell what you doing at that time awake?
                          
From Chris: Jesy...
                          
From Jade: What happened with Jesy?😳
                          
From Chris: Well I don't really know... I was shaken awake by a loud thud and saw her on the floor and her wrist covered in very deep cuts. It looked like a crime scene🤧😭
                          
From Jade: Oh fuck... are yous okay or shall I come over😳😭
                          
From Chris: We're okay. I cleaned the wounds and Jesy is asleep. God I feel terrible 
                          
From Jade: Don't Chris...you did an amazing job❤️
                          
From Chris: This poor girl...
                          
From Jade: Listen shall me and the girls come over this afternoon?
                          
From Chris: If it won't bother yous you can of course ❤️
                          
From Jade: We'd drop anything to be there for our Jesy❤️
                          
From Chris: Me too🤧❤️
                          
From Jade: Awww😩❤️ is 3pm okay?
                          
From Chris: Yea that shall be alright 
                          
From Jade: Right thank you for telling me Chris. Do you need anything?
                          
From Chris: No I'll be good thanks ❤️
                          
From Jade: Okay see ya this afternoon ☺️
                          
From Chris: Yea see yous. Bye
                          
From Jade: Bye nanite
                          
I shut my phone and decide to wrap Jesy in my embrace. I inhale her wonderful smell... she really smells like a goddess... like roses, vanilla and a touch of lemon. I can't get enough of her scent. I don't know for how long I've been cuddling with her, if I slept or something. I noticed that it was getting bright outside. 7am. I sit up and rub my eyes. What a night... I look over at Jesy. I sigh and get up and head downstairs. I make myself a coffee and take a hug sip. I look outside and run my hand through my hair. I decide to make her a breakfast. I make her some bacon, eggs, toast and a little bit of mixed fruit and yogurt and a cup of coffee. I arrange everything on a tablet and head in the bedroom to see her awake. „Morning babygirl." I hand her the tray and she looks anxious „You okay bub?" „Y-yea... you don't have to do all of this babe." „You deserve it." I give her a kiss and watch her clear everything. I smile big „Well done I'm proud of you." she smiles, gives me a kiss and gets up „Thank you baby. Listen I'll brush my teeth and go for a jog okay?" I nod and watch her head to the bathroom. I smile and put away the dishes and plop on the sofa. A few minutes later she enters the living room „I'll go now." „Okay bub take care." she gives me a kiss and leaves.