Chapter 26

                                    

                                          
"The guilt isn't as bad anymore. I mean killing Dylan Black was not the best option. However, after talking to some of my new pack members, I'm afraid it was the best option for the short amount of time I had. According to them, he was getting angrier and more ruthless since I left. He's been killing more of his members for minuscule reasons like his dinner was cold. For me to find the best option while dealing with Dylan Black, I would've needed more time and that would've cost more innocent people their lives. No one deserves to be killed but I think I did what was right," I informed Esmeralda.
                          
Being back felt right. Though I miss my family a lot even if it's only been a day. But I did miss my pack and workers. The entire day I've been checking on my packs. The new members are struggling to adapt but that's to be expected. Quite a few are opening up to me though and thanking me for helping them. It made me happy that they finally get to live life without fear. 
                          
Rosa was really happy to see her wife. She even threatened to kick my arse if her wife wouldn't let Rosa go with her. I don't know why I'd be the one to get my arse kicked. I'm assuming it's because she could never hurt Emma. She couldn't even threaten her without feeling bad. The same goes for Emma except Emma couldn't hurt anyone. It took her forever to actually go to training because she even hates fake fighting. 
                          
Tomorrow I'd focus work. I needed to double-check everything that happened while I was gone. It's not that I didn't trust them but everyone makes mistakes. That's why I have people check my work. There's a lot of damage control that would need to be done if there was a mistake no one checked. It's worth double-checking everything.
                          
I was planning on doing therapy tomorrow so I could talk to King Eric but Esmeralda didn't think that was best. She can be really stubborn which surprised me. Though I think that's where her son's stubbornness comes from. Luckily, King Eric told me I could talk with him tomorrow. 
                          
"That's good. How have you been sleeping?" She inquired. "You said your nightmares have come back due to certain triggers and I assume seeing Black wasn't easy for you."
                          
I sighed, "The first night before I even went to my parent's pack, was hard. I think I got an hour or two of sleep before my nightmare woke me up. He kidnapped me and Olivia and raped me in front of her. It was terrifying. I felt so helpless. I tried to go to sleep afterwards but even Olivia couldn't help me fall asleep. The days afterwards was fine though. I slept through the nightmares without waking up."
                          
Her brows furrowed as she took in what I said. "You think that's fine?" She inquired. Her voice laced with confusion. 
                          
"Yes," I stated. "I'm getting more sleep and I'm not as afraid. I don't really know how to explain it. During the dreams- or memories I guess, I'm aware of what's going on. I know he can't hurt me and although it kind of sucks to be reminded of everything, I still get sleep. That's all that matters. I need to get enough sleep so I can function. Especially since I'm off of coffee."
                          
She nodded, telling me she was listening. However, I could tell she wasn't happy with my reasoning. The nightmares weren't that bad honestly. Sure, I wished I'd sleep normally. But at least I didn't wake up. I didn't worry Olivia with my screaming and crying. She didn't deserve to worry about me. She deserves a good childhood without worrying. Plus, there weren't the usual feelings I got with my nightmares. I wasn't afraid and I didn't feel helpless. In my mind, I knew he was dead. I knew everything was just a memory and I wasn't afraid. He couldn't hurt me any more.
                          
"Even if you feel this way, I'd suggest talking to me about the nightmares so we can process everything," she informed me.
                          
I sighed, "Every memory is basically the same. Dylan or Malcolm is beating, degrading or raping me. But it's in my past and I can't go back and stop it. Though, I don't think I'd want to take it back. It was hell and I never want to live through it again. However, they made me who I am today and I don't want that to change. There are too many good things in my life that I wouldn't have."