Five: Miriam

                                    

                                          
For the past days at the hospital, I thought about how it would be like to return to the brothel. I didn't have a phone or a close relative to contact while I was in the hospital. I realized how lonely was.
                          
The nurse told me that they had conducted an x-ray on me after they were able to arrest the bleeding when I was brought to the hospital and found the bullet. I was lucky it was only a flesh wound on my upper arm.
                          
They eventually did a surgical debridement after they removed the bullet at night, hours after Jide left.
                          
Jide.
                          
Despite the fact that he saved my life, I couldn't feel like I could trust him. I couldn't feel like I could trust anyone. Somebody tried to murder me and he could do it again if he realizes that I not only know so much but am also alive and he could also use anybody.
                          
I looked at the cast on my upper arm that had been put there to prevent so much movement. I couldn't help but imagine what would have happened if Jide didn't come to the night club. The bullet had formed a cavity on my arm that I tried to hide while Jide was here, he didn't notice though. It seemed that his mind wasn't on it, either that or he just wasn't observant.
                          
My nurse, who I always forgot to ask about her name, always made me feel at home. She made sure she talked to me each time she came to treat my wound. She told me that I was recovering fast but was worried that I would have a PTSD.
                          
I knew deep down that I wouldn't have much problem with it, or so I thought. I didn't speak much about the incident. I was lonely but it was better than selling myself every night. Sometimes I wondered how much of it I could take.
                          
"What are you staring at?"
                          
My nurse interrupted my train of thoughts. I looked at her and smiled. Maybe she didn't know how much she brightened my day and filled my time.
                          
"Nothing, just brooding. I also don't want to talk about it."
                          
She smiled. "I know, I wouldn't force you to tell me anything."
                          
I smiled at her.
                          
"Good news though, we're going to discharge you soon."
                          
Good news. I didn't even know how to react to that. I didn't want to go back to the brothel. The hospital was the only safe place I knew. I think I zoned out because the next thing I heard was somebody asking me if I was fine. I assured her that I was fine but didn't say anything else. I wanted to run away but I didn't know where to go. I had no one.
                          
"I'll tell Mr. Olajide about your improvement. He is supposed to take you home when you're discharged."
                          
"Oh. Nice."
                          
It sounded too unreal and emotionless even to me. What if they were waiting for me there?
                          
She left before I could ask her when I was going to be discharged. I hadn't even seen Jide since after his first visit. I wasn't even sure he remembered that I existed.
                          
I hated relying on people, they always let you down. I felt a little anger and a little hurt. I didn't it know how the two emotions came to be but they were there.
                          
I sighed. My life was becoming more and more complicated.
                          
~~~
                          
I looked at Jide's face as he finished with the nurse at the reception. Yes, I was being discharged. He got me new clothes since the ones I wore here were probably ruined. Besides, I didn't exactly have decent clothes like the ones I was presently wearing which was a t-shirt and a pair of jeans and I liked it.
                          
As we walked towards his car, I felt his gaze on me, I didn't think I could bear the silence anymore.
                          
"Thank you.", I began.
                          
"Yeah, you're welcome."
                          
"I don't want to go back.", I didn't know when I blurted the words out. He turned and looked at me. The look on his face was questioning, so I went on.
                          
"I don't feel safe Jide. You don't even know who he is. How am I supposed to be safe? What if I actually experience PTSD? I'm alone Jide, I don't know who to trust. Don't you see that? I'm alone."
                          
He heaved a sigh but said nothing.
                          
"You should have just left me to die.", he looked at me like I was crazy but I didn't care. What was the point of trying to save me when I would still be threatened. He wouldn't even remember I exist after this, the thought crossed my mind. I didn't realize how heavy my breathing was until he put his hand on my shoulder and asked me to calm down.
                          
I only pushed it away, that was not what I needed. He sighed and continued walking muttering something about how I wasn't making his job easier. I just stood there watching him. He got to his car, opened it and drove towards me.
                          
"Get in Miriam. Now."
                          
I obeyed and he began driving us.
                          
My eyes were on the window, I was staring again.
                          
"Miriam."
                          
"Jide."
                          
"First of all, there's no need to be worked up about anything at all."
                          
I scoffed. "Says the guy who didn't even check up. What if I died?"
                          
I felt stupid for saying that, he didn't know me. He was kind enough to take me to the hospital and settle my bills, asking for more would be greed, wouldn't it.
                          
"Nevermind."
                          
He took a moment to look at me before focusing completely on the road.
                          
"Do you have a phone?"
                          
"No."
                          
He stopped at a phone shop later and got me one with a registered sim card.
                          
"Here, use this to contact me. You can't let anyone know that you have this. You can't afford to trust anybody right now. Am I clear?"
                          
I nodded.
                          
"Alright, take it."
                          
It felt... new in my hand. I don't think I had ever owned a phone of my own. Majoress did not allow us to own one of those.
                          
I tried a "thank you" but it came out as a whisper. He answered me with a "you're welcome" this time around. He didn't do that so often.
                          
We finally got to an area around the brothel. I felt something tug at my heart as if telling me that it wasn't too late to run. I just looked at it.
                          
"Don't worry, you're assured of my help. You'll be fine.", I heard Jide say as if he was reading my mind.
                          
Well, it was now or never. I eventually opened the door and came out. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. I tried to encourage myself as I took steps towards the building. When I glanced back, Jide was still there. I took a deep breath and moved on.
                          
I eventually reached the front door and knocked.
                          
Chinelo opened the door. "Mimi."
                          
Before I could say anything she bombarded me with questions that I ended up not even paying attention to — just my luck — and I heard the sound of tires screeching behind me but I didn't watch him leave.
                          
This was it. Things were not going to be the same anymore.
                          
~~~
                          
Author's note: So... what do you all think? What's going to happen to Miriam? Also, who knows anything about PTSD?
                          
Please stay safe too.
                          
Much love from your girl 😘.