Chapter 17: Longing

                                    

                                          
The morning after Christmas, I woke up with your arm flung across my torso and your leg draped over one of mine. You were breathing deeply, evenly, peacefully. I laid there and watched you as your eyelids fluttered, your long eyelashes resting on your cheeks. Your thick, dark hair lay on the pillow, splayed out around your head. It was almost long enough for a ponytail. I wondered if you ever wore it that way. I loved the stubble on your jaw. I had always thought that stubble made men look tired and lazy, but on you, it made you look strong.
                          
And sexy.
                          
I was amazed to find all new emotions and desires surfacing from deep within. I had never, ever been kissed the way you kissed me. When we kissed, I felt things all over my body – my heart raced and I felt calm wash over me. And when you kissed me more deeply, I felt a quivering in my lower abdomen, an awakening of my womanhood. I remembered the words we had read from the Song of Songs the day before - “do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” I had a keen sense that my love had been aroused, awakened by you.
                          
As I watched you sleep, I dragged my fingers lightly along your jawline, feeling the prickly stubble. You let a smile creep slowly across your face and I knew you were awake.
                          
“Good morning,” I whispered.
                          
“Good morning, love,” you said, opening your eyes.
                          
I leaned over you to kiss you and you captured me around the waist, drawing me closer to you so that I was lying almost completely on top of you. You intensified the kiss and I felt that familiar quivering in my body. You slid your hands up underneath my, well your, henley shirt that I was wearing and you began to run them over the tank top that I was wearing underneath.
                          
I responded with a small hum of satisfaction, appreciating the feeling of your hands touching me so intimately.
                          
You slipped your tongue gently into my mouth and I was pushed to new heights of elation. I rubbed my hands over your bare shoulders, squeezing and massaging over your ink. I had never really asked about your tattoos – why you got them, when you had the time to have them done, what they meant. Then I skimmed my hands up into your hair, feeling it's silky texture, lightly scratching your scalp, all the while letting you kiss me passionately.
                          
You moved your hands up under my arms and tugged me up higher. That's when you broke the kiss and moved your mouth across my cheek, planting kisses along the way. You trailed kisses under my ear, down my neck and to my collarbone.
                          
The feeling was so intensely pleasurable that I couldn't help but moan your name quietly.
                          
You responded with a small groan amidst your kisses. It was only when you moved your hand to one of my breasts that I stopped you.
                          
“No, Zayn. Not yet.”
                          
You immediately withdrew your hand and looked in my eyes. And you simply said, “Okay.”
                          
“Thank you. I...I'm just not really ready,” I explained.
                          
“That's okay, love. We don't have to rush anything.”
                          
“Well, actually,” I said, “I want to wait until I'm married to have sex.” But I blushed as I said the next few words. “I never thought I'd want to so badly, though.”
                          
You chuckled.
                          
Then I figured, since we were on the topic, I would ask the next logical question. “Are you a...I mean, have you ever...uh...?”
                          
“I'm a virgin,” you said much more bluntly than I was able to. “Guess I never had the time to change that...or the right person,” you added, smiling at me. You kissed me one more time and then you suggested we get up and make breakfast.