48

                                    

                                          
That evening, we crossed the state line and finally found ourselves just a couple hours from Madeleine County. Exhausted but hopeful, we pulled in a near-empty rest stop off the highway and decided to reward ourselves with a good night's sleep. We'd cross the finish line tomorrow.
                          
It was a tighter fit in the car than in the van. Sarah took the passenger seat, Xander the driver's. We lowered the seats to access the trunk space and extend our area to lay. Then Dylan and I cuddled together on one side while Alice hugged the other.
                          
I slept restlessly, dreaming uncomfortably of that back in that hallway. Waking to see an identical back in my arms. And the feelings of guilt. Not to mention the discomfort, the invading thought. Could Dylan be Adam? Could he be my...
                          
No. The thought was too weird. And besides, Adam was dead...wasn't he? But, even that aside...Dylan and I...I couldn't help but feel that it was done.
                          
I slowly rolled away from him, and as I did, I heard the driver's door quietly close. I lifted my head and saw Xander disappear.
                          
As carefully and quickly as I could, I slipped out of the car, waking no one in the process.
                          
"Xander!" I hissed into the silent night. "Where are you going?"
                          
I waited for a reply. None came. But there was no crunch of gravel either. "I know you're still here. What are you doing?"
                          
Silence. Then a frustrated noise and Xander materialized. "I'm leaving, Core."
                          
"Leaving?"
                          
"I'm better off on my own. Go back to the car with your nice guy boyfriend."
                          
"Is that what this is about? Dylan?"
                          
"You two are so perfect together, aren't you?" He said the word like it was dirty. "Can I ask you though, have you ever considered the fact that he treats you the same way he treats his little sister? Tell me, does he even kiss you properly."
                          
My mind flashed back to the one and only time Dylan and I had kissed. I flushed as I recalled how wrong it had felt. I thought of Dylan kissing my cheek, my head, my hand, and berating me about swearing. Just as he did with Sarah. But I didn't want to give Xander the satisfaction. "Why are you acting like this?"
                          
"Like what? Like what, Core? Myself?"
                          
"Like an asshole!" We were in each other's faces.
                          
"Ah that's the difference between you and me. See they 'programmed' you to be a bitch, didn't they? But you're actually a sweet little good girl. I was born this way, Core. I killed someone. I'm all about saving my own skin. So that's what I'm doing." He gently caught a strand of my hair in his hand. In a rare moment of softness, he murmured, "Hair so dark a red it was nearly brown, the haunting vision of my dreams." The sound was pure poetry. Then he took two steps back. "I'm no hero, Core."
                          
He was leaving. He was leaving me. And with the anger, the hurt, the heightened emotions, tears fell as I looked at the ground and confessed, "Don't do this, Xander. Please don't go. We need you. We all need you." I finally looked at his retreating form. "I need you."
                          
He stopped dead in his tracks. Neither of us moved. The space between us felt so wide. The time stretched. Finally: "Explain to me why I've been in love with you since the first time I ever saw you."
                          
It hit me like a sack of bricks. He reached into his bag then and threw something towards me. I caught the bunched up grey fabric and unfolded it. It was my shirt, the one I'd given him on the very first day of classes. Polite. As. Fuck.
                          
 "I—" I stuttered, trying to find a reply. "I don't know. You're my best friend, Xander. I—"
                          
I didn't even know what I was going to say. I never got to find out, because very abruptly a dark car pulled up behind me. If I had seen it, I could've identified it as an old Buick with a faulty right headlight. Before either of us could react, two men got out and shoved me very abruptly. I saw Xander's terrified expression as he yelled my name and the trunk was closed on me.