fatal feelings

                                    

                                          
wc: 1086
                          
tw: uhhh angst angst angst??
                          
part 1/2 :) pt 2 should be up within the next few days don't worry :)
                          
~line~
                          
"Hey, I'm happy for you, man," Mark smiled at Ethan, who had been on a few dates with someone. He wouldn't say their name or gender to Mark.
                          
Ethan looked happy. Mark was happy that Ethan was happy. He was smiling for him, wasn't he?
                          
"You need me to do anything for you, Eth?" Mark offered. "I-If you want me to help set up some sort of date?" 
                          
Ethan shrugged. "I'm fine. No need to worry, Mark." He smiled brightly. He looked so incredibly happy. Mark sighed internally. He was happy but he himself wished he was the one going on the dates.
                          
"You think you're gonna find someone soon, Mark?" Ethan asked, changing the topic.
                          
Mark looked up. "I'm not sure," he muttered. "Maybe." He hadn't thought of trying to find someone else to take his mind off of Ethan. It's not like he had time; he was usually recording to get his mind off of things. He felt as if he was always sad and lonely, and he considered his fans to be the ones keeping him company. Mark wanted to tell Ethan he felt he was breaking slowly. 
                          
"I'll catch up with you later, man. I gotta go record a video." Mark patted Ethan's shoulder before turning and walking off towards his house. They had been chatting in the local park.
                          
'•'pov change'•'
                          
Ethan watched as Mark walked away. He sighed quietly and looked at his feet. He felt bad for lying about dating someone, but he just wanted Mark to open up. Every time he tried talking the conversations ended in closed doors. Sometimes Mark locked himself in and Ethan wished he had a key. 
                          
Mark was essentially hidden. 
                          
'•'pov change'•'
                          
Mark walked back to his house which wasn't far. He opened the front door and closed it, locking it behind him. He stopped and sighed. He needed to stop and he wishes he was able to open up. But he couldn't. He felt he would ruin everything if he showed his fatal feelings.
                          
Mark shook his head and walked off to his recording studio. He shut the door, not fully. He looked in the corner and saw his guitar. He sighed softly, looking down. He heard the clacking of nails against the wood floor outside until he saw Chica walk into the room. Her mouth was wide and her tail was wagging.
                          
Mark smiled. "Hey Chica," he whispered, kneeling down and petting the dog. He found happiness in having Chica with him. He stood back up and walked to the corner, grabbing his guitar. He sat on a cushioned seat, strumming slightly.
                          
Mark stopped strumming before remembering a song he knew. He set his fingers to the chords and starting strumming and humming along with it. He got to one of his favorite parts and started singing.
                          
"How many times must I keep it inside? I need to let go and I swear that I've tried, but opening up means trusting others, and that's just too much. I don't want to bother. So I'll keep it inside and bury it deep. I know it's not healthy but you won't hear a peep. Though I'm always sad, and I'm always lonely. I could never tell you that I'm breaking slowly..."
                          
He stopped strumming, looking down. Mark sniffled and put the guitar off to the side and wiped his eyes. Chica trotted up to him and rested her head on his lap. Mark let out a pathetic laugh, shaking his head and patting the good girl. He sat there, tears slowly rolling down his cheeks as Chica tried comforting him. He heard a loud knock on his front door and sighed quietly.
                          
'•'pov change'•'
                          
Ethan sat at the park bench for a few minutes. He looked up at all the people there. Everyone seemed so happy. He looked over to the direction Mark had gone off and stood. He walked, following Mark's trail. He knew the way to his friend's house anyway. As he walked he thought about his little scheme and how bad it actually was; he was lying to his friend to see if he could get some sort of romantic reaction from it. It wasn't working either, so he decided he was going to end it. 
                          
Ethan approached the house and stopped. He knew the layout of the house, generally, and that the recording room was pretty close to the front door. He knew even with the soundproof padding Mark could be heard from the door. And with the door open, it was louder. He heard guitar strumming and smiled. He loved it when Mark played the guitar. After a moment he heard Mark singing along. Ethan recognized the song now and frowned. 
                          
He waited until Mark stopped singing and sighed quietly, resting his hand on the door. Ethan took a breath before knocking on the door. A beat passed before he heard the door unlock.
                          
'•'pov change'•'
                          
"Ethan! Uhm, hi," Mark greeted, putting on a smile. He hoped tearstains weren't left on his face. He glanced down at Chica and gently pushed her from the door so she wouldn't run out.
                          
"Hey, uh... could I come in?" Ethan asked. He seemed nervous. 
                          
Mark nodded. "Sure," he muttered, stepping aside and opening the door.
Chica immediately trotted up to Ethan, her mouth open happily and panting with her tail wagging.
                          
Ethan grinned and pet the good dog as Mark closed the door. "Did you need something?" He asked Ethan.
                          
Ethan sighed. "I gotta tell you that, uhm." He paused. "The whole dating thing? That person isn't real," he admitted.
                          
Mark scrunched his eyebrows up. "What?" He asked. Before Ethan could answer, he spoke again. "So you- you were lying to me?" 
                          
'•'pov change'•'
                          
Ethan flinched at the hurt tone in Mark's voice. "I-I'm sorry I just... I just wanted to see something."
                          
"Like what, Ethan? What were you trying to see?" Mark asked, stepping away from Ethan.
                          
"I-I was-" Ethan stopped and huffed. "I was trying to get you to admit that you're- you're closing yourself off! You're hiding from me. Ever time we talk you have to go record!" Ethan defended himself. Mark seemed to shrink away from him. "You-you act like you don't want to be near me for more than ten minutes!"
                          
Ethan stared at Mark, who wouldn't speak. Ethan shook his head. "I didn't think I'd leave here disappointed," Ethan huffed before turning and leaving, letting the door fall shut behind him.