Chapter 20 Je suis malade

                                    

                                          


                          
Author notes: This is my first attempt writing YiZhan. English is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes and awkward writing. This is NOT for profit. I don't own them. AU (as in Alternate Universe) and maybe OOC (as in Out of Character).
                          
Author Notes 2: Thanks for the votes! Thank you for taking the time to read this. Thanks a lot for adding this story to your reading lists. Thanks for following my account. I'm humbled by your support. 
                          
Author Notes 3: Forgot to tell you, It'll get worse before it gets better. Remember, it's always darkest before dawn. So, don't hate me. Comments and curses are most welcomed.
                          
Author Notes 4: The song is Je suis malade, by Serge Lama, sung by Lara Fabian. I was listening to that while writing this chapter. Give it a chance if you can. It's in French with lyrics in English. It fits Zhan's state of mind.

                          
Thanks to CALActorsTypist for editing this story.

                          
WARNING. PLEASE READ!
                          
Angst fest ahead.
                          
Chapter 20 Je suis malade
                          


                          
Zhan woke up disoriented. After a few seconds, he realized he was in his guestroom. He moved his arm a little and felt a warm body next to him. Oh yes! He remembered now. The man had been so handsome, he was a carbon copy of that actor that starred the Love O2O TV series. Sex had been enjoyable on a physical level, but he felt utterly void inside. 
                          
He got up and silently went to his room. He had to call Yu Bin immediately. Once again, his friend would have to clean his mess, as always. He hadn't intended to spend the whole night with that man, he didn't even recalled his name. 
                          
These were not frequent occurrences, but once or twice a year, loneliness engulfed him and he would give in. It had been six years without him and it was getting harder for Zhan to bear solitude.
                          
He reached his room at took his cellphone to send a text message to Yi Bin.
                          
[Please, come to my apartment first thing in the morning. Thanks.]
                          
Yu Bin would know at once what the matter was. Another failed experiment, he would call it. He would know how to buy that man's silence.
                          
He turned up the sound system in his bedroom, and served himself a shot of whiskey. He needed to wash out the bitter taste in his mouth. He selected one of his favorite songs and soon, Mademoiselle Fabian's voice resonated in the room. The despair in the song so attuned to his emotions.
                          
He turned off all the lights and sat in front of the window, looking at Shanghai's night lights. He remembered the first two years after he left New York   City. He had waited, hoping Bo would call. He kept his golden cell phone with him at all times, anticipation kept him in good spirits.
                          
He had received Yi Bo's grades every semester. Bo, of course, had excelled in College. His perfect grades always made Zhan's heart swelled with pride. At least he knew Bo was alive and thriving in school. Yu Bin had kept tabs on his personal life and reported to Zhan. However, Zhan had not read any of those reports yet, he was afraid of reading that Bo had moved on and was in a serious relationship with somebody else.
                          
He couldn't move on, wouldn't move on. Yi Bo had not only taken his senses hostage, he also took his heart. He had entered it and barricaded himself inside, so Zhan couldn't get him out (not that he wanted to), and nobody else could get in.
                          
After two years, he gave up any hope. He didn't contact Bo, he didn't want to bother him or distract him from his studies. So he just kept... existing. Yu Bin was really worried about him. Those first two years he had lived like a monk. Not seeing anyone, without a sex partner or even a fake girlfriend as he used to live his life before... him.