#31 - The gay panic

                                    

                                          
Jennie's POV



                          
For the boring nights on my own in the hotel, I spent some time on googling about depression and antidepressants. I can't help myself but reading more and more about how her brain will work and the side effects she might suffer when she is on meds. 
                          
Mood swing, abnormal thinking and lack of sympathy could be on the list. 
                          
One more thing, the whole time she was in the hospital for surgery, Rose was the only one who came to visit her. Rose has no contact with Lisa's parents or siblings. 
                          
The very thought of Lisa being nearly all alone for years somehow bothers me in a way that I never think of it could. My heart aches at the thought and I just can't help it. It's not that I pity her - pity is the last thing I would feel and the last thing I think she would need. It was just, me, myself and I crave for her smile and laugh - these just feel so damn good, also, for her soft and bright side. She might hurt my feeling, but at the same, only her could make my heart skip its beat, my stomach tug furiously, my chest flutter and my brain get lifted. 
                          
It's Friday late afternoon - my last day in Beijing. I just got back from work, my original plan is to pack for my flight back to Seoul tomorrow afternoon, but I end up walking around the room, thinking about how to start a conversation with Lisa again. It's harder than I think. 
                          
Lisa and I haven't talked much since the day we were at Block 8. We just, simply worked. I tried to reach her at work sometimes but this girl was smart and she never failed to find an excuse to kick me out of the conversation.




                          
Well, I come up with a stupid idea!
                          
How about changing the position with Xian Lu? But how? Think, Jennie.
                          
1/ I could beg Xian to get a day off so I could take her place. If I had money, then this option could be a great one, just pay her the wage she might take and she will be off. But I'm damn poor, so this sounds good but not a really economic solution. 
                          
2/ Could I do something to force Xian to leave her job for a day? 
                          
3/ How about giving her food or drink that could make her stay in the restroom for the whole evening and she won't have any other option than taking a day off? 
                          
Oh god! This is so so so mean!!!! Since when you can come up with this kind of idea, Jennie? Where is the good girl mommy was always proud about? 
                          
Things you make me possibly do, Lisa! 




                          
While I'm in a mess, brainstorming ways to fix this, the doorbell rings. I take big steps to the door and to my surprise, I find Lisa behind it, staring at me with arms cross. I can't help secretly checking her out, she is wearing a black beanie, golden glasses, a white Moschino T-shirt and blue jeans. Damn, why does she look handsome and beautiful at the same time? 
                          
- Oh. Lisa. Your room is on the fifth floor. - I say with a small smile, trying to loosen up the damn tense atmosphere. 
                          
Lisa shifts her eyes then gives me a sharp look that gets me nervous all of a sudden. I bite my lip waiting for her to speak up. 
                          
- I think we need to talk. - She stops and licks her lips, then releases her arms to dig her hand inside the pockets of her jeans. This just, looks damn hot. 
                          
Then, she says. 
                          
- Come to my room, will you? 



                          
*



                          
I blush slightly as soon as I enter her room and my stomach starts to growl.
                          
- No dinner yet? - She adds with her soft deep tone, it gives me the damn weird feeling inside my stomach and my chest. I nod, she adds. - I don't want to go out, would you mind if I call for room service?