'Would you prefer an insecure doll who confuses her life with yours?'

                                    

                                          
It was Thursday night and I had already managed to ruin everything. I rushed upstairs repeating Louis' warning from Portugal in my head. It was so obvious the possessive boyfriend wasn't going to work on Jeanne, but why couldn't I realise before opening my big mouth and act as a complete arse?
                          
"Jeanne..." I muttered, pushing the door of her bedroom open. She was sitting on her bed, looking through the window. The light of her bedside table was on but with a neckerchief set above to dim the brightness.
                          
"Leave," she sighed. I hated myself. I had pissed 'unupsetable Jeanne' off. Nice one, Harry.
                          
"Please, Jeanne, let me stay–––I mumbled as I got inside, approaching her shyly. I'm sorry, Jeanne, I didn't mean to. I don't categorise the world between famous and not famous people. I'm not that shallow," I tried to explain myself. She slowly turned her head towards me, adorably biting her tongue. "I'm not even fond of the concept of being famous at all. I just got scared..." I sat by the end of the bed. Jeanne gestured to speak, but kept it quiet, half shutting her eyes.
                          
"Do you know what happens to you, Harry?–––she asked after a moment. You are used to everything turning around you, and you cannot deal with the fact of somebody having a life beyond you..." Jeanne said in an unaffected tone. I deserved that and more. She was sparing my fucking life again.
                          
"It's true," I stated, coming closer. What else could I say? She was right. I am this self-centred asshole, and I was going to do everything in my power to make amends. "I like you, Jeanne–––I admitted quietly, trying to look into her eyes. I can't deal with so many facts about you because I never met anyone like you."
                          
"What did you expect from me? To live in a closet?–––she asked. I never claimed to be different than I am. I told you right away but you get shook up every time." There was a hint of frustration in her voice, and if I was scared before I just became scared squared. I couldn't lose her that way.
                          
"Jeanne, I like you," I repeated thoughtfully.
                          
"And I like you too," Jeanne protested. My heart bounced inside my chest. "What do you want me to say? That I regret it?" Her eyes were fixed on mine. "I don't regret it," she shook her head. I instinctively glanced down. "I don't regret any of them because this is my life and I chose to be with them and I'm not taking it back. If you can't deal with that you can leave," she pointed at the door.
                          
"I don't want to leave," I claimed.
                          
"Then don't judge me." I could never judge her. It wasn't about her but about me. But how could I explain that without sounding as a fool?
                          
"I don't judge you, Jeanne–––I whispered, grabbing her chin between my fingers. It makes me feel... You seem to have everything so figured out. You are so self-confident..."
                          
"And what would you prefer?–––she asked, confused. Would you prefer an insecure doll who confuses her life with yours? I don't think you find that attractive." She was right again. "But you can't manage this either and I'm the one who has to bear you. What do you want?"
                          
"I don't know," I blurted, turning away. My attitude was utterly nonsensical and she was well aware of that. "I suppose I'd prefer not to feel as an arse when I'm around you..."
                          
"Is it me who makes you feel as an arse?" She mused.
                          
"No," I had to admit.
                          
"So you are being unfair with me," Jeanne observed. Damned clever woman.
                          
"You tell me those things..." I mumbled, dejected, returning my gaze to her.
                          
"You insisted for me to tell you," she said folding her arms beneath her chest.