11

                                    

                                          
"Hey." I whisper, pulling the door closed behind Jay as he stepped inside. 
                          
He looked so uncomfortable. 
                          
"Hi." He nods down to his arms. "Your shit." He says, handing the big bag over. It was my dance bag but filled with stuff of mine. 
                          
"Um, yeah, your stuff is upstairs." I say.
                          
He looks at me. 
                          
"We're finished Ivy."
                          
Did he think I wanted...?
                          
I flick my eyes to the front room, we were stood by the stairs, just outside the door to our main living space. 
                          
"I know..." I say. "My parents are here."
                          
He just looks confused and then kicks off his shoes, heading up the stairs and I pick up my bag of stuff and follow him up. 
                          
Jayden knows his way to my room, so he lets himself in. 
                          
He pauses a little at the state of my room. It's never this messy. I haven't actually cleaned my room since before that Friday. I might ask my mum to help me. I can't get the motivation. 
                          
"Er." I move around him, heading to my desk where his stuff is. "I don't have a bag of yours, so I just put it in some carrier bags. Because your hoddies are big, so like I couldn't fit more than-"
                          
"Ivy I don't care."
                          
Oh. I fall quiet. 
                          
He picks up the bags and turns around to leave. Jayden faces my picture wall, he pauses. 
                          
I pause too. 
                          
I had removed any with Layton or Luca in. But I hadn't gotten around to do the rest. 
                          
I sit down on my bed. 
                          
Jay looks at the photos, the gaps, probably trying to figure out the gaps. His face is still up there. 
                          
He turns around slowly and looks at me. I was in sweatpants, a big jumper which was my dad's old college sweatshirt. My hair was wet, my face bare. I didn't care about him seeing me like this, he'd seen me without makeup often. But maybe he knew it was uncharacteristic for me to be not ready for the day this late on a Saturday morning. 
                          
It was almost midday. 
                          
"Ivy." 
                          
I just stare back at him, feeling a little numb. 
                          
"Are you..." He trails off, looking at me. 
                          
"Yeah?" I whisper back. 
                          
Jayden shakes his head. "No, nothing. Did you remember my training boots? I think I left them here on that Thursday."
                          
I just nod a little. "Yeah they're in there." 
                          
I lift a hand to rub my eyes and he just watches me, stood ready to leave my room. 
                          
"What's going on with you?"
                          
I drop my hand, opening my eyes. 
                          
I just look at him. 
                          
Should I? Could I? It would fix it between us, right? I could just go back to being exactly how I was before? I could just tell him what happened. I could be who I was. 
                          
I look down. He wouldn't want me. I don't want him to touch me, I don't want him near me. 
                          
I just miss how it was before. 
                          
Sort of. 
                          
I miss not feeling so shit. 
                          
"Ivy?" He says, concern evident and he steps forwards.