A Moment Of Happiness In A World Of Worry

                                    

                                          

I woke up early that morning to a bright sun, I couldn't tell if winter was coming to an end or if it was just going to be one of those obnoxiously sunny days. I sat on the end of my bed for a while, just thinking. I found myself thinking a lot now. Thinking about the future mostly. As much as I hated to admit it, the future scared me. I didn't know what to expect from it. When I was with my mother, sure I was miserable and I hated every second of my life with her but I had a routine. Here with Gee stuff just happens and I have to go with it and that scares me. I don't like being uncertain of what I'm doing, which is ironic because I'm constantly second guessing everything I do. 
                          
I yanwed and threw my hair up into a messy bun. I threw on a hoodie over my short sleeve tee and pulled on my socks. Today was going to be a good day, I could feel it. I don't usually feel confident in what lies ahead of me so having this odd change was nice. As I stood up I realized I wasn't as hungry as I was last night. In fact, I had less of an appetite now then I did a week ago. I was training my stomach. This had to be some kind of revolutionary discovery. You can't train yourself not to be hungry? Right? 
                          
With this new idea in place I hopped down the stairs two at a time to see if being around food would make me hungry. I saw Gee sitting on the couch watching the news Channel at a nearly inaudible volume. 
                          
"Morning Gee"
                          
I waved and smiled brightly at him as I skidded into the kitchen with my socks coming to a graceful holt at the fridge. 
                          
"Hey Taylor"
I looked up at the monotone voice. Something was off
                          
"Whats wrong?"
                          
"Nothing it's fine" he said without looking up from the TV
                          
"Come on, tell me" my voice was less cautious then I would have liked but I ignored the nagging tone in it and walked closer to Gerard.
                          
I tried to study his face for a sign of anything that could be wrong. His eyes flicked up to me for a split second and his eyes seemed to dull even more. 
                          
"I'm just stressed"
                          
"About what?"
                          
"Just...The tour"
                          
I sighed "Youll be great, everyone loves you" 
                          
"No... I'm not worried about that, I'm worried about you" as he said that he looked up at me and I saw his eyes glisten. It shattered my heart into pieces to see him like this
                          
"What?  Why? No, don't do that." I stuttered out my response, I really didn't want him to be worried about irrelevant issues 
                          
"Are you going to be okay?"
                          
"Gee, I've been okay for the past 14 years, it'll be fine. I'll be fine." I reassured him. 
                          
Suddenly an idea popped into my head. I wanted to test my theory of training my stomach and this would be a nice way to distract Gerard. 
                          
"What do you say we grab some breakfast somewhere?" 
                          
A smile flashed across his face as he pushed himself off the couch and switched the TV off. 
                          
"alright then let's go get some food" 
                          
I smiled at his comment. Yes. Food. 
                          
***
                          
I got out of the shower with my wet hair dripping onto my back. So far I'd been 3 days clean. 3 days no harm. I know it didn't sound like much but too me it meant the world and a half. It meant I was trying, and I hadn't tried to keep myself alive since Lily. 
                          
Wrapping the towel tightly around me I switched the shower off and went back into my room. Throwing on a pair of black jeans and a Nirvana shirt I checked the time. Gee said we should leave at about 9ish so I still had about 30 mins to do my hair. 
                          
Gerard didn't have a hair dryer but Ray did. He leant it to me 3 weeks ago but I forgot to give it back and he hasn't asked for it yet so I might just hold onto it until he asks for it back. My hair was dry and back to its badly bleached self in no time. I've seriously been thinking about dying it black. I think it might look nice. 
                          
Soon Gee and I are out the door and in the car. Buckling my seatbelt Gee pops in a Green Day CD and their '97 Nimrod album starts blasting through his surprisingly good quality speakers. We drive for a little while before he stopped the car and got out. I unbuckled the seatbelt but I saw him wave his finger through the windscreen. 
                          
"What are you doing?" I mouth to him through the glass. 
                          
He grins at me as he walks over to my door and opens it for me. Holding out his hand he bends his knees slightly, an awkward attempt at a bow. 
                          
"m'lady" 
                          
I giggle at his funny gesture but take his hand anyway. He makes a face at me and I start to laugh. It felt nice to laugh at something again. I felt my face lift as I started to giggle. My eyes crinkle up and we stand there laughing at eachother. For a moment in time I forgot about everything. The Hostage house, the tour, food. It was just a moment of happiness in a world of worry. 
                          
We walked up to the caffe door still chuckling to ourselves. We chose a cute window seat with a flower sitting in a pot in the center of the table. The sun was hitting the flower and i could almost see it blooming infront of my eyes. Gerard smiled at me and opened a menu. 
                          
"So? What you gonna get?" 
                          
I pretended to read the menu for a bit just so I could stall for time. In reality, I knew exactly what I was going to have. Nothing. 
                          
"Hmmm...i think I'm going to have an iced coffee to start with" 
                          
Gee nooded his head in approval "Good choice... I might just join you on that one" 
                          
A waitress stopped at our table. She had a badly stained apron on and vibrant purple hair. Maybe I should dye my hair that colour. That looked fun. 
                          
Gee ordered for the both of us and the waitress left with her notebook. We sat there waiting for our drinks. Casually talking and laughing, it felt like I had known him for ages. I felt... Happy. 
                          
The waitress came back with our drinks on a tray. I thanked her and took a sip of the iced coffee at the same time as Gerard. It was cold but it was really good. We both looked up at eachother from our straws. A smile spreading on my face I asked him how good his was on a scale of 1 to ten. 
                          
"I'd give it a solid 8.5"
                          
"why not 9?" I asked curiously 
                          
"doesn't have have any rum in it" 
                          
His comment caught me off guard and I laughed in the middle of taking a sip causing me to inhale it and choke. Gerard laughed so hard it nearly came out of his nose. 
                          
Do you ever have those moments where you mentally tell yourself that you want to remember this moment forever. Where you just look at the situation youre in and find yourself feeling so happy, so purely filled with joy that you tell yourself that this will be one of those moments you look back on and smile to yourself? 
                          
That was this moment. 
                          
I didn't even care that people were staring  at us because of the shade of red our faces were turning due to the sheer amount of laughter. I didn't care that my throat burned from choking on ice and caffeine. I was happy in that moment and that's all that mattered. 
                          
A/N
Part 2 coming soon
Have a wonderful day/night lovelies 
(some tags bc these people r cool) 
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