love is messed up

                                    

                                          
I don't think I know what love is 
Shocking right?
Everyone seems to have an idea
I don't 
You can't understand it from romance books that's for sure 
I know what it is but I don't 
Confusing right?
Because when all love does is hurt you 
And then it revives you 
Only to hurt you again
Is love good or bad?
I don't know 
                          
These days people say it so carelessly 
'I love you' after a few words 
Shouldn't it be a little deeper?
Maybe I'm overthinking again
I don't think this love you all speak of, is for me 
But for others, I do 
It just doesn't fit in my life 
How can you give me endless hate and tell me I love you 
And I say it back every day 
Either your messed up-
Nah you are not messed up
It's me
I'm the one evoking the emotions 
                          
Don't worry though 
I'm just one human 
Who will leave with the winds 
Please don't assume things 
I didn't tell you so you can push me off the cliff 
But that's what people do 
Use what you love against you 
                          
Once again I question how love is good 
As I lie on my bed with fresh tears 
Hugging the color you gave me 
And the same color you make fun of
                          
I made a silent promise that night 
A promise that I won't keep 
To erase the emotion that hurt me
                          
*************
Sounds crazy and is crazy but it is is what is. I though a lot about this before writing and I have thought about it before so might as well just write it. These are all writing derived by my emotions so honestly non of these have logic in them anyway.
                          
We have a 24 hour curfew now and honestly, I love home and I don't mind staying at home, but 24 hour thing just hit me even though I wasn't going out. I feel suffocated.
                          
Take care and remember safety first,
                          
Sera