Chapter 24

                                    

                                          
~December 15th 1975~ 
                          
Where am I? This is not my room. My room is dark. Dark is good. Very good. Pain is bad. Dark means no pain. Eyes shut. Fool them. They think I'm still asleep. 
                          
Th heart monitor started to beep faster, alerting Brian. He got up from his chair and went to find a nurse, which left Roger alone in the hospital room. 
                          
Hair. Lot of hair. Paul doesn't have a lot of hair. That wasn't Paul. Where's Paul? Paul is nice. Paul loves me. 
                          
The door opened and Brian came in, followed by a doctor and two women in white outfits. 
                          
'You're awake then, Roger. It's alright, we're not going to hurt you. Can I come closer?' The doctor whispered in case he might scare the patient. 
                          
Woman in a white coat. Looks nice. Stranger. Strangers are bad. Keep distance. Do not let her touch. Stay away. 
                          
'Go away.' 
                          
'Roger, I am doctor Sarah Brown. Could you open your eyes please? You need to slowly get used to the light again. We turned the dimmer on, so you won't experience any pain. You are safe here.' 
                          
Open my eyes? Shut is better. Shut up is best. Can't make her shut up. Why does she keep talking? I don't know her. Who is this Roger? I am not Roger. I am Honey. Paul is good. Pain is bad. Light is bad. 
                          
'Roger, we are doing our best to help you, but you have got to help us too. We cannot help you if you don't coöperate.' 
                          
I don't want help. I don't need help. I am fine. Paul will be here soon. Paul is nice. 
                          
'Where's Paul? Paul is good.' 
                          
Faint whispering. Brian answered. 'Roger, love, Paul is not here. He can't hurt you anymore. You are safe. Listen to doctor Brown. She can help you get better.' 
                          
Again with the 'Roger.' I am not Roger. Why do they call me 'love'? Unless they are not talking to me. But he answered my question. Familiar. Hair. Brian had a lot of hair. Brian left me. Brian is bad. Paul is good. 
                          
'Will you stop calling me that?' A crack divided Roger's sentence in two, leaving a slight gap of whispering. 
                          
'Stop calling you what?' 
                          
'Roger. I am not Roger,' he whispered, barely audible. Almost as if he were ashamed. 
                          
'Why do you think that?' Brian's voice trembled with fear and compassion. My Roger shouldn't have had to suffer like this. He shouldn't still be suffering. What did he do to deserve this? If I am to blame, please somebody kill me now. Somebody find me a way to cure him. Somebody find me my love, for this is not him. 
                          
'I am Honey. Paul called me Honey.' Why did I tell them? Strangers are bad. But Brian is no stranger... Brian left. This is a trap. I must not fall for the trap. Paul will be back any minute. Pain is bad. Paul is good. Don't tell them any more. 
                          
'Roger, do you remember anything from before you met Paul? Before you stayed in his house?' 
                          
Woman. She asks nasty questions. Mustn't fall for it. She's only trying to hurt you. She will hurt you. Everybody does. Paul doesn't. Paul is nice. Pain is bad. Strangers are bad. 
                          
'You... Are you Brian?' Must know. Brian was nice to me. Used to be. Brian left. 
                          
'I am Brian.' Brian confirmed, hoping for some sort of memory trigger. 
                          
'You left me. Why did you go? You were supposed to protect me. I needed you.' Where did that come from? Did I know him? Only his name... And the hair. He smells familiar. Sounds familiar. Feels familiar. 
                          
'Roger, I'm sorry for putting you through this. I should have been there for you. I should have sent the cops back to Prenter's house. I should have known. I'm so sorry.' Brian felt tears heating up his cheeks, and he quickly turned away to wiped them from his face. 
                          
'Your hair is big. Why is it so big?' Curious. I know that hair. I have felt that hair. 
                          
'I don't know. I used to flatten it, but I like it this way. You used to love it, you always wanted to braid it. I would braid your hair and you would braid my hair and John and Freddie would make fun of us for looking ridiculous.' Brian chuckled. 'You loved making fun of me.' 
                          
Did I? I did. I remember. Sort of. Dutch braids looked good on him. 
                          
'Who are John and Freddie?' Familiar too. Way too familiar. Don't like this. Too much. Paul is good. Paul is nice. Paul loves me. Head hurts. Pain is bad. Lights are bad. Must be dark now. Head hurts. 
                          
'Light. Out. Pain is bad. Paul is good.' 
                          
'We'll let you rest, Roger. You did very well today. Try not to remember too much, do not force yourself. Sleep now, you'll feel better.' Doctor Brown left, and motioned for Brian to tag along. In the hallway, she explained the situation. 
                          
'Roger is suffering from PTST, memory loss and a mild to severe brain wash. He might need a long time to recover, depending on how strong his mental stability is. He will need you by his side, and I trust you will be. Don't force him to remeber you, and the way you two used to inetract. He will remember it all on his own, and rushing the process may cause him critical brain damage. Otherwise, he is going to turn out the way he was. Eventually.' 
                          
'Thank you so much. I don't know what I would do without him. Can I stay in the room for a while longer?' 
                          
Doctor Brown nodded, and walked off as Brian entered the room. He placed a chair to the side of the bed and softly brushed Roger's hair out of his face. 
                          
'We've got a long way to go, my love, but you are the strongest person I know. I promise I will never leave your side again. I love you so much,' Brian chuckled, 'way too much.'