Chapter 13

                                    

                                          
You were gone for eight months.
                          
Senior year was coming to a close. Prom was on the horizon, as was graduation, and I'd gotten my acceptance letter to Yale almost a month before you finally came home.
                          
While you were gone, my life had started to feel like a cage. My father's expectations were closing in, making it impossible for me to even consider any place other than Yale, even though I was aware through the whole process that Jason would also be attending.
                          
And on top of that, the only person I could count on was Allie. Boys at school asked me out, asked me for things they'd heard from Jason and Brad that I was more than willing to give, asked me to prom. I said no to all of it with a sense of pride that I still had a modicum of control in at least that section of my life.
                          
But I hadn't found a way back to the feeling you gave me, a feeling like someone was actually paying attention. The world was moving all around me, and I was just holding on, trying not to fall over.
                          
That day, when Allie dropped me off after school, your car was parked in the driveway.
                          
"Is that...?" Allie started to ask, but I was already out of her car, racing up the driveway, going so fast that when you and my dad rounded the corner from the side of the house, I ran right into you.
                          
You made this adorable grunting noise, but I didn't give either of us time to recover. I bounced away from you and then back, like a boomerang, throwing my arms around your neck.
                          
I waited for you to push me away. It wasn't like we'd left things good between us. I was awful, and you were sad, and we hadn't spoken since. Not to mention the fact that other than that night you stayed with me, we hadn't had any real physical contact.
                          
But here I was, hugging you like my life depended on it while my father stood a few feet away.
                          
So I expected you to push me away.
                          
But you didn't.
                          
You wrapped your arms around my waist and lifted me off the grass, your face pressed into my neck.
                          
"Lena!" my father was shouting at me. It was all so deja vu.
                          
You dropped me back to my feet and took a step back, your eyes wide but your smile big. "Hey," you said, stuffing your hands into your pockets just as I heard Allie's footsteps approach behind me. Your eyes flew to her and then back to me. "How are you?"
                          
I laughed. I didn't even know why. It was like a bubble of adrenaline had burst inside me, and now that you were home, I could sprint all the way from here to New York City and back without losing my breath.
                          
I didn't answer your question. "Are you staying for dinner?"
                          
Your smile fell and you scratched the back of your neck. "Uh, no. Not tonight, I'm afraid. I've got to get things settled back at my flat. But your father has insisted on throwing me a party tomorrow night, so I'll be back then."
                          
I bounced on the balls of my feet. "That sounds great."
                          
"Lena," my dad growled. "Can you please give John some space? You're being rude."
                          
Your eyes swept to my dad, and I half expected you to say something, to defend me, to defend what was happening right here between us. But, just like everyone in my life, you seemed to surrender the authority to my dad. You sent me a small smile.
                          
"We're just talking logistics, that's all. Going back to the hospital on Monday."
                          
"Okay," I said, backing up right into Allie, who wrapped a hand around my arm and pulled me away from you. "I'll just see you tomorrow night."
                          
I missed you, I wanted to shout. And maybe if my dad hadn't been watching us, I would have.