Chapter thirteen *TW*

                                    

                                          
     Tora is her name. She was 25 and has a son who's three. "Aww, I love kids. So if you ever need a babysitter, I'll hook you up." Tyler winks at her. We were sitting in her living room, me and Tyler were side by side and Tora was in front of us. We talked about all sorts of stuff. Where we were from, what school we go to, if we wanna have children in the future. And by we, I mean Tyler. As soon as I got in her apartment I got really bad anxiety. I was scared to talk. Mainly because she was asking questions that had horrifying answers. Tyler held my hand the whole time. Squeezing it every time Tora would direct a question towards me. I would answer with simple answers. Tyler knew I wasn't feeling too good so he tried to cut things short. "Thanks for having us over Tora but we still haven't finished unpacking." We all stand up. "Oh ofcourse dear. You guys are way better than the old lady who used to live there before you." We all laugh a little. "It was nice meeting you Tora." I manage to say to her. She was nice. I liked her but I don't talk to anybody besides Tyler so it was kind of nerve raking. She kind of reminded me of someone. "Let me get the rest of those cookies for you." She bent down to pick them off up her short coffee table and I saw it. She had a tattoo of a Rose on the bottom of her back. I know who she reminds me of. "Is that a...rose tattoo?" She stands back up. "Oh you could see that, I'm sorry dearie, my bad. Yes it is. I got it a couple years back when I visited Los angels. Do you like it?" I freeze and hesitate. "Yeah...it's pretty." I barely get out of my mouth before storming out. Tyler says something to Tora and then follows me to our room. "Rose, are you okay?" I look at him with tears running down my face. He instantly pulls me in and holds me tight. "I'm sorry, you could've told me you didn't feel okay going. I would've been okay not going." I pull myself away. I grab his hand and pull him to the couch. "Tyler it's not that. I never told you this." "You don't need to if you don't want to, remember that." I grab both of his hand and hold them tight. "No, I want to." He nods and scoots in closer to me. "You see my mother. My best friend ever. She held our family together. We used to have family night every Wednesday and it was so much fun. But three months ago..." I pause and take a deep breath. Tyler squeezes my hands. "Three months ago she commit suicide...by jumping off the same building I almost did." I felt the tears. They burned my face. I look up at Tyler for a second and he is looking at me. "I will never understand why she did what she did...but I'm just ashamed that I almost did the same thing." Tyler pulls me in again and holds me. "It's okay." I cry into his shoulder for a minute. I pull back again and wipe my tears. "She was always so happy, I just never understood it. But after I was born she got a rose tattoo on the bottom of her back, to resemble me. And just...seeing it on Tora made me think of my mother." Tyler puts his hand on my back and started rubbing it for support. He whispers so softly, "it's okay." I wipe my tears again. "I just miss her. After she passed away, dad blamed himself and that's when he became the monster he is now. Jackson was so scared of dad that he became him. Everybody loved mom, whenever she was around it was always a good time. I always wonder, if she knew that, maybe she wouldn't of done what she did." Tyler squeezes my hand. "We'll never know for sure.  But you just need to know it isn't your fault. None of it. You did nothing wrong." He pulls me in again. "Thanks Tyler." I say to his chest. After an eternity we pull away. "Wanna watch a movie? You know, since you were lovely enough to set up the tv while I was at work." "Depends. Can we eat the rest of my delicious cookies?" He winks at me, "we absolutely can." The rest of the night was spent bonding. We ended up crashing on the couch. I'm glad Tyler finally knew the truth about mom but now he has my full trust. I hope to god, he doesn't use anything against me.
     Monday morning. Tyler worked evening shift today so no wake up calls. Or so I thought. I wake up to a loud crash in the kitchen. I scream and jump up. "Oh my god Rose, I'm sorry! I dropped a pan while trying to make you food!" He yells. I roll my eyes and walk over to him. "So what are you making for me?" "Well I was making you an omelet but.." he looks down at the omelet on the floor, "...it's on the floor. So unless you want floor omelet?" "Gross. What time is it?" Tyler looks at his phone, "6:48, why?" I run into the bed room and grab clothes. I change super quickly. "I'm going back to school today. You should come and get enrolled!" I yell across the apartment. Tyler comes in a couple seconds later while I'm changing my pants. "No pants on!" He turns around, "sorry!" "Yeah, I'll go in today but there's no way I'll graduate in time. I dropped out beginning of senior year." "Thats okay, I'll come to your graduation no matter when it is." I walk past him, into the bathroom. "Could you drive me then?" He walks in behind me. "Yeah, when?" I put my toothpaste on my toothbrush. "Two minutes?" His eyes widen, "oh shit okay, I'll get ready too." He runs out of the bathroom. 
     We pull up to the school and the biggest, deepest, darkest pit moves into my stomach. "I feel sick." Tyler pulls into a parking space. "It's okay. I'm right here." I grab his hand and close my eyes for a second. "Are you ready?" He asks. I shake my head and close my eyes again. I wait as long as possible. It's two minutes until the late bell. "Okay, I'm as ready as I'll ever be." We both walk into the school and guess who greets me with a warm welcome back. "Yo Ro-Ro, you got a new boy toy already?" "Fuck a cow Travis!" I hear him yell in the distance, "you wouldn't let me in!" I continue walking and one of Travis's friends, Alec makes a comment, "This is your flavor of the week? Damn you're really desperate." Tyler punches Alec in the mouth. I pull Tyler back. "Say one more thing about her or I and you're dead, got it?" I grab Tyler and run. "What the fuck Tyler?!" "What?! They were being dickheads. I already beat the one guy up before so what difference does it make?" "The difference is that guy you just punched is the principals son!" He gets quiet. Then under his breath says, "shit." "Yeah, shit! Now you won't get to go here." I look behind Tyler and see Alec and the principal coming. "Shit. Tyler, Alec is a minor so you'll get arrested for punching him too, run!" He doesn't hesitate. He runs. Alec runs after Tyler and the principal walks up to me. "Who punched my son?" I hesitated. I was always terrible at lying. Especially to old people, I never got away with the lies I told dad. I started crying. "I'm sorry sir, he was just being so mean to me." "Alec said it was some boy." "No sir, it was me. I just have a lot of problems." He takes a deep breath. "Follow me into my office Rose."
     I walk out of the school, to dads car. Tyler was sitting in the drivers seat with his head on the steering wheel looking down. He doesn't see me so I knock lightly on the passenger side window. He looks up and unlocks the door. I open it and sit down. I throw my backpack in the backseat and take a deep breath. "So I'm suspended for five days. Since Alec is a minor and I'm eighteen, I technically could've gotten arrested but he heard the whole story with my dad and cut me some slack." We sat in silence for a minute til Tyler finally spoke softly, "I'm so sorry Rose." "It's okay. I'm already behind in school so I really don't care. Can we just go?" "Yeah. Home?" He starts the car. "Yes please. I hate not being there." He nods and pulls out of the parking space. After we make it to the main roads, Tyler starts to talk again. "You know, you remind me of my little sister Ollia." "You have a little sister?" He nods, "Mhmm. She's 11 and I love her to death." Weird because I've never heard of her. "How come you've never talked about her?" He waits to answer. "Because it breaks my heart." God, please tell me this poor boy didn't lose his girlfriend and his sister. "I can never see her. My parents forbid me from seeing her. They think I'll convince her to leave them too." Thank god, she's not dead. "Aww. That's awful." "Yeah, it is. Her birthday was last month and I saved up enough money to buy her this doll she really wanted and when I tried to take it over to give it to her, mom took it and threw it in the trash." "Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry." I fix my hair while not knowing what to say next. "How come I remind you of her?" He pulls up into the parking lot of our apartment complex. "I'm not sure exactly." He pulls into a spot, parks the car, and stares at me. "You're both beautiful and bring joy into my life. But you're both unavailable." He looks kind of upset. I grab his hand. "Just give me time." "How ever long you need, love. I'll wait." He turns off the car and opens his door. I open mine, "love? Since when have you started calling me love?" We meet up in the front of the car and start walking towards the building. "What? You don't like it?" "Well I didn't say that." We both laugh a little.
     "Do you wanna get food before you work tonight?" I yell from the living room. "Yeah, what do you want?" He yells back from the bedroom. "Chinese!" He walks out of the bedroom and towards me. "Just use doordash-" He looks at the book I'm reading. "Are you reading?!" He laughs. "Yes? Is there something wrong with that?" He laughs again. "No, not if you're a nerd." I glare at him. "A cute nerd." He winks and walks behind the couch, right behind me. "Permission to kiss your head?" I turn around. "No, one, You just called me a nerd-" He interrupts me, "a cute one!" I roll my eyes and continue with my sentence, "and two, I don't see you ordering me chinese!" He rolls his eyes. "So high maintenance. Fine, I'll order you stupid food." He sits on the couch next to me and we pick out some delicious food. "It'll be here in about forty minutes, will you be able to survive?" He chuckles after his sentence. "No, I think I might die." I fake faint on top of him. "Oh no, she's dead! Well guess all the food is for me." I sit up, "now that's just fucked up." He laughs. We calm down. "Can I use your phone?" He looks at me and squints his eyes. "I don't have any hoes, I promise." I smile and roll my eyes. "No stupid, I need to call my boss and let her know I can start working." He hands me his phone, "okay but if you see any hoes on there, we aren't officially together!" I stand up and walk away. I dial the number to Empty glass. After two rings, Arianna, a good employee answers. "Empty Glass, this is Arianna, how can I help you today?" "Her ari, it's Rose. Can I speak to Lorrie?" She sounds very happy to hear me. "Yes ofcourse Rosie! You're not quitting are you?" "No, actually the opposite." "Alright one second dear." I look over at Tyler and he makes a weird face at me, I make one back and turn back around. "Are you there still?" "Mhmm." "Yeah so she isn't in right now, do you wanna leave a message or call back later?" "Just tell her that I said I can start working again." "Oh that's great, I'll let her know." "Thanks Ari. I gotta go." "Bye Rose, hope to see you soon." I hang up. I walk over and hand Tyler his phone back. "Who Jennette? I saw her contact." He chuckles and looks fake worried, "oh no, you found my hoes!" We both laugh. "That's my second mom. She treats me better than my real one. I'd love for you to meet her some day." I freeze. "Uhh." He noticed I'm uneasy, "whenever you're ready. If you want." I smile at him. 
     A million years later there's a knock at the door. "Finally!" I scream. I jump off the couch. I start to walk towards the door then my anxiety hits me in the face. I freeze. "Um. Could you get it? I.." He's already off the couch. He walks up to me. "Of course love. You don't need to explain yourself." He kisses my forehead and opens the door. My whole body is still frozen except my lips, which form into a smile. I'm brought back to life when I hear Tyler push something. I run over to the door and see jackson on the ground. "What happened?!" Tyler looked so angry. "This prick showed up!" I see the door-dash bag next to Jackson. "Yeah because he's bringing us our food." Tyler's face doesn't change. He continues to glare at Jackson when he stands up. "Dude, I don't want trouble okay? I've left you and Rose alone and I plan to keep it that way." Tyler interrupts him, "Damn right you do! If you ever come here again, I'll shoot you." "Tyler!" I scream. He looks at me and finally doesn't look angry. "Look dude. I'm sorry for everything. I'm tryin to get my life together. Rose, can I just ask you one thing?" I don't say anything. I just look at him. "If I get my life together, would you ever consider actually letting me be in it?" Tyler grabs my waist, I flinch. He tries again and then pulls me in next to him. I look down. I say nothing. I see him nod his head. "So the total is twenty four dollars." Tyler reaches in his pocket and pulls out his wallet. He counts his money and slaps it into Jackson's hand. "Yes Jackson." I look up at him, "If you actually get your shit together. I think we could try again." He half smiles and hands me the bag with our food. I look down again. Tyler slams the door in Jackson's face. "Bye asshole." I put the food on the counter and sit on the stool. I still look down. "So you wanna eat?" After a couple seconds I finally answer him, "I'm not hungry anymore." I get up and walk to the bedroom. I lay on the bed and try to clear my head. Seeing Jackson brought everything back again. Tyler walks in quietly and lays next to me. "I'm sorry I hit him. Its just...every time I see him it reminds me of how much he hurt you. It just pisses me off." I say nothing. "But if you want him in your life in the future, I support that. I'll support anything you do." I'm still quiet. A tear falls down my face. Tyler gets up and walks to the other side of the bed so he can see me. "I have to go to work now. Please be safe. I'll be back late." He walks up to me. He was going to kiss my forehead. I push him back and roll over. "My bad. I'm sorry." He says softly. I hear him go out in the kitchen and grab the keys to dads car. I wait for him to close the door before sitting up. I couldn't help but cry. I wasn't ready to see Jackson, not yet. Im terrified of him. Every time i hear his name my anxiety goes through the roof. Still sobbing, i stand up and walk over to the closet. I find my blue and black flannel and grab the blade from the front pocket. Im so weak and i can't help it. I sit on the floor and scar my body some more.