Chapter 5

                                    

                                          
I want to tell my mom but I can't because I'll only scare her. I'm worthless. If I die I know that nobody is going to miss me..
                          
- Mom! Where is my blouse?
                          
- In your wardrobe!
                          
- No it's not my wardrobe!
                          
- Wait! It's in one of the basket in the hall, said mom.
                          
I walked downstairs to pick my blouse.
                          
I took blue jeans and my blouse and my converse.
                          
I started to eat my breakfast.
                          
Last 40 minutes I just chilled.
                          
I walked through the corridor.
                          
I saw Louise. I walked towards to her.
                          
- Hi Ella! Said Louise.
                          
- Hi, said I and hugged her.
                          
We walked to the classroom.
                          
I saw Jasmine. I tried to not look at her.
                          
I saw in her eyes that she has a plan.
                          
On the break she walked towards to me.
                          
- Hi Ella, where have you bought your cloths? In the garbage maybe? They're so awful like you, said Jasmine.
                          
I wanted to hit her but I didn't.
                          
- I hope you know that no one likes you. Nobody wants you because you're so ugly, she continues.
                          
- Jasmine, can you please shut the hell up? Said I.
                          
- excuse me? What did you say?
                          
She pushed me into a locker. My head got hurt.
                          
- don't ever talk to me like that! Do you understand?! Said Jasmine.
                          
I nodded. She pushed me again.
                          
- I'm going to kill you, said Jasmine.
                          
She punched me harder. I started to cry. This's a nightmare.
                          
- Jasmine, stop. She has got what she deserve! Said Anna one of her friends in her gang.
                          
They walked away and went to the next lesson.
                          
I wiped away my tears and went to the next lesson.
                          
I couldn't concentrate on the lesson because I had so much pain. But I tried to not show that I had pains.
                          
I fixed it through the lesson.
                          
On the lunch, I sat alone with Louise.
                          
On the next lesson I tried my best to ignore Jasmine. But she threw things at me. My head is hurting like hell.
                          
Everyone is on her side. If I say something nobody is going to believe me. They only believe in her. Everything she says and do is right.
                          
What have I done to make her hate me that much?
                          
- Ella, why did you take my pen? Said Jasmine.
                          
- I haven't take your pen? Said I.
                          
- Don't lie! I know that you took it!
                          
- I swear, I didn't took your pen!
                          
- Just give me my pen! said Jasmine
                          
She attacked me. She took my pen instead. Don't ever take my pen again! said Jasmine.
                          
- I promise, said I.
                          
I really hate her. I want to scream that out loud, but I can't.
                          
Nobody has seen my cut scars except Louise, she is the only one who knows everything.
                          
And I know that I can trust her, she is the only friend I have right now.
                          
I have a feeling that my grades are pretty bad. My mom is going to be very angry if she finds out about my grades, because I have always been a good student with great grades, but today: bad grades.
                          
I really hope that my grades are still good.
                          
But if not, I have a reason: I'm bullied, I can't concentrate on the lesson, I have a lot of pains.
                          
When I was little I was hoping that I would live a good life, but I guess I was wrong.
                          
I have never been so scared in my entire life like I'm now. I'm scared wherever I am.
                          
I hate my life right now.. All I wish for right now is a good life, without problems, without bullying, without anything who can make problems.
                          
That's all I wish for.. So please make it happen. It would mean a lot to many people.
                          
And the question I always asks myself for the last couple of weeks: Why do I even exist? Why was I even born? I don't want to have this life anymore and I don't want to live.
                          
"Please God, take me away from this nightmare. It must be something you can do? please?"