01

                                    

                                          
Arin isn't sure when his jokes stopped being jokes and started becoming more... serious. Every "kiss me" now carries a hint of hopefulness, every teasing, flirty sentence about Dan that starts with "I want" carries some truth, and every "I love you" now has a different, more real meaning behind it than it used to. Every touch lasts longer, every look holds something more, and every word is filled with a lot more meaning than before.
                          
When did it get like this? Since when has his heart insisted on beating too fast when Dan's around? Why is it that Arin can't stop himself from smiling so much when he sees him now, can't stop his heart from aching at the same time? Why can't he handle Dan making flirty jokes back without worrying so much about whether or not he really means it anymore?
                          
Since when has Arin started meaning all of the shit he says now? Since when has he started thinking of Dan in a different way? And what about Suzy? He loves her, of fucking course he does and he doesn't think he could ever stop loving her, but... what if...
                          
What if it's possible that his heart has enough room for more than just Suzy?
                          
His mind is wandering too much, the thoughts all too distracting to be able to properly focus on anything. On screen, Mario falls right into a normally easy to avoid spike and dies immediately, causing Arin to have to start from the very beginning of the level all over again, yet he doesn't even register it right away. Dan's laughter pulls Arin out from his thoughts and he looks over to see Dan smiling widely at the screen.
                          
"Dude, what just happened right there?" the older questions with another laugh as the level restarts and Arin begins playing again, still unable to pay attention to the game at all. "You were doing so good. Did you fuckin' forget to jump over that spike or something?"
                          
"Nah, I'm just being a fuckin' idiot," Arin replies, meaning for it to sound like he's joking, but instead he just sounds really dejected and he can't seem to make himself force a laugh to play it off. He winces at the sound of his own voice and keeps playing even though he's sure Dan is looking at him now; he can feel the older man's eyes burning holes into his temple. Arin goes silent for a moment, but dies again immediately and huffs. "Fuck, alright, next time on Game Grumps."
                          
He tosses the controller lightly onto the table as Dan cheerfully says goodbye into the microphone. Arin writes down the stopping time as Dan pushes his mic away from his face and sits forward to grab his drink. Arin can still feel his eyes on him, but he doesn't look over and check to make sure, even as the notepad is tossed onto the table and as he leans back into the couch.
                          
"Hey, big cat," Dan murmurs suddenly as he slowly scoots closer to Arin, touching his shoulder gently in a comforting way. "Are you alright? I noticed things have been kinda... weird with you lately. You haven't seemed like yourself. What's up?"
                          
Arin finds himself letting out a sigh, too afraid and too ashamed to look at Dan when he lies to him. "I'm fine," he answers, lightly patting Dan's leg to reassure him somehow, maybe also to reassure himself. "I've just been feeling tired or something, and... yeah. Anyway, I'm good. Don't worry, man."
                          
He drags a hand over his face before he looks over at Dan and forces a smile that it seems Dan can see right through.
                          
"Are you sure that's all that's wrong? You can tell me."
                          
Dan's watching him carefully now, so Arin doesn't bother with lying too much again. "I guess I've just been feeling down again lately, but it's nothing to worry about," he tells him, running a hand through his own hair. It's a half-lie, of course, but it's still closer on the truth side of the scale and more believeable too. "I just... fuck, I've been thinking too much about all kinds of shit, you know? But I don't wanna talk about it. I'll try to be better about it by tomorrow."